God of Love, Give Me Ears to Hear and Eyes to See
In his book, Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching, Tom Camacho presents leaders with an invitation to mine for the gold hidden within the people around us. Mining for gold is a mindset and a heart attitude to see the immense treasure and image of God in others. Camacho’s premise is that God designed each one of us with gifts to be stewarded for the good of others and for the glory of God.[1] Coaching leadership is a journey of discovery to find the rich leadership deposits hidden within each person. It is coming along side others to uncover their unique design, find places of thriving and fruitfulness, and ultimately their true identity as God’s beloved sons and daughters.[2]
Love Never Fails – 1 Corinthian 13:8
It all starts with love, God’s love. Camacho made the point that our true identity is rooted in a deepening understanding of God’s unfailing love for us.[3] For me, this is the foundational truth that supports this mining for gold model. In the context of developing leaders, experiencing God’s love is a significant and recurring experience that all leaders need to thrive. Camacho writes, “Our hearts need continuous fresh revelation about how much we are loved. Our identity forms, grows, and expands as we mature in our understanding of the love God has for us.”[4] I see coaching leaders as those who are committed to Jesus’ greatest command to love God, others, and self.[5] This is only possible because he first loved us.[6]
Our leadership journey begins by embracing God’s deep love for us personally. Without this awareness we can do a lot of damage. We can’t mine for gold in others if we are not discovering and living out that truth for ourselves. Leaders rooted and grounded in God’s love are free to be who they were created to be. They are safe, secure, and can genuinely love others without ego, fear, or pride getting in the way. It is from a place of security in God’s love we can begin to explore the leadership qualities and potential in others.
The first duty of love is to listen.
Paul Tillich
Listening is an act of love. My NPO is centered on the desire of Christian ministry leaders to be known, accepted, and loved. The leaders I work with identified the need to be deeply listened to without judgment. The idea that listening is not only an expression love, but a primary duty within safe, loving relationships is astounding, and sadly not a skill that comes naturally to most of us. Counseling, spiritual direction, and coaching share the skills of deep listening, asking good questions, cooperating with the Holy spirit, and taking next steps.[7] As a counselor and spiritual director, I mine for gold every day. In face of the shame that keeps us in bondage to lies I see first-hand how the truth of God’s love can set us free. Being deeply listened to without judgement reduces shame and moves us toward love and connection.
“Have I not reason to lament what man has made of man?”
William Wordsworth
Lament is an act of love. Lament is evidence that God’s love is taking root in our hearts. The book of Esther is always unsettling to me and the examples of Hegai and Mordecai as coaching leaders move me to lament. They all lived their lives under circumstance beyond their control. Like Esther, Mordecai, and Hegai, we are all immersed in systems and cultures that normalize and devalue the dignity and autonomy of human beings. In today’s world, what Esther experienced would be considered sex-trafficking, the edicts and retaliation which followed genocide. This should give rise to lament. Esther’s leadership emerged under devastating circumstances, both personally and socially. This is not uncommon. Leadership gold arises in the consequences of real life, real pain, and real trauma. We need the certainty of God’s goodness and love especially in situations when injustice and oppression prevail. Good leadership calls us to lament and to respond with wisdom and love. More than ever, we need eyes to see.
Mining for Gold
We all carry a mantel of leadership. This is a recent insight for me. I never saw myself as having many leadership qualities. I am in the process of mining for my own gold. As I look more closely at those around me, I am finding leadership gold in surprising places. I see it in my elderly friends who faithfully look after one another and find ways to share Jesus with their limited strength and resources. I see leadership gold in men and women, who are working through past and current trauma, and find strength to lead and serve in dangerous spaces. I see leadership skills coming to life in my clients recovering from addiction and other mental health challenges as they take courageous steps to reach out for help and offer it to others. I notice those who faithfully labor for the benefits of others without recognition. I see the strength of their leadership in their acts of service and humility. I notice the leadership and unique design of my children and grandchildren and wonder how I might come alongside them as they grow and mature into who God calls them to be. Leaders are all around us!
My prayer: God of love, give me ears to hear, “We are your beloved,” and eyes to see the treasure within all your sons and daughters.
[1] Tom Camacho, Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching. (London, UK: Inter-Varsity Press, 2019), 131.
[2] Camacho, Mining for Gold. 115
[3] Ibid., 109.
[4] Ibid., 111.
[5] Matthew 22:36-40
[6] 1 John 4:19
[7] Ibid., 59.
About the Author
Jenny Dooley
Jenny served as a missionary in Southeast Asia for 28 years. She currently resides in Gig Harbor, Washington, where she works as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Spiritual Director in private practice with her husband, Eric. Jenny loves to listen and behold the image of God in others. She enjoys traveling, reading, and spending time with her family which include 5 amazing adult children, 3 awesome sons-in-law, a beautiful daughter-in-law, and 8 delightful grandchildren.13 responses to “God of Love, Give Me Ears to Hear and Eyes to See”
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Your reminder that listening is an act of love reminds me of something a German-American church planter named Dietrich Schindler advises. He recommends that church planters set aside at least one block of time per week to spend one-on-one with a non-Christian and show them love by listening. It’s a challenge that I’ve been trying to make a reality but it’s not always easy! There are numerous obstacles but one of the things that surprised me was that it’s often difficult to get the other person to open up. I don’t know if they feel like they want to be a good friend and so they ask me to talk about myself. Or maybe they feel the conversation is getting too personal. I’m still getting the hang of this particular practice, but I think that some of Camacho’s questions could be adapted for informal conversations where the goal is simply to show love and care.
Kim, I love the intentionality of your practice to spend one-on-one time with a non-Christian and show love by listening, especially in a culture not your own, and I’m guessing, in a second language. That is a courageous act of love. While I was overseas, I did a lot of listening, not just with my ears, but with my eyes. If that makes sense. Observation, noticing how others communicated, changes in facial expression, body language, and hand gestures helped move me toward connection and understanding. My attempts were not always received. But when they were it was lovely! I spent a long-haul flight sitting between two elderly gentlemen, one from Vietnam and one from Taiwan. One spoke English the other did not. I somehow manged to communicate with both. I learned a lot and had a memorable trip. I am curious to know what you have observed in the French culture about how people listen and communicate with one anther. Do you have a favorite conversation from your efforts?
This practice has led to some interesting conversations to be sure. The most memorable was probably an afternoon when I had arranged to go for a walk with a neighbor. We started off down the sidewalk and I could immediately tell she’d been crying. As it turned out, her cat had just died. Needless to say it was not the conversation I had planned for that day, but God was gracious and I was able to listen and love my neighbor.
“Our leadership journey begins by embracing God’s deep love for us personally… Leaders rooted and grounded in God’s love are free to be who they were created to be. They are safe, secure, and can genuinely love others without ego, fear, or pride getting in the way.” I have been learning this the last ten or so years but especially these last five years. I used to get a little frustrated with one of the pastors on our pastoral team. “He just preaches about love. Love. You are loved. That’s his go-to message.” I’d complain. “I mean, shouldn’t there be a bit more meat?” It’s only in the last few years that I’ve discovered that the message, “you are so very loved by God” IS the message! That is is only when you discover and truly know you are deeply, unconditionally loved, can you truly love others.
I also appreciated your reminder from Tillich that the first duty of love is to listen. This is especially important when parenting teenagers – as I am finding out! I liked Camacho’s use of WAIT. Why Am I Still Talking? I often ask myself that question!
And thank you for reminding us that there are leaders all around us. I too, see it in the people in my congregation, my neighbors, my friends, my teenagers!
The message, “You are so very loved by God” really is the message. I have come to realize that my image of God really impacted how I was able to receive that message. I think it’s a journey. It was and still is for me, anyway.
We so easily receive the message that we are not loved unless we do something to earn it, or we act or look a certain way that makes us worthy to receive it. I think we all ache deep inside to know we are loved and yet spend a lot of time rejecting it when it’s offered to us, even when it is God who loves us so freely and lavishly. How are you receiving God’s love for you today?
I loved reading this. This passage especially resonated with me.
“We all carry a mantel of leadership. This is a recent insight for me. I never saw myself as having many leadership qualities. I am in the process of mining for my own gold. As I look more closely at those around me, I am finding leadership gold in surprising places.” I am finding gold in some amazing places as well.
I could write pages and pages about love. Leading with love was such a transformative shift for me about 5 years ago. It took a complete lifestyle change for me to understand the impact of leading with love and how showing love can change the heart of the most resistant soul. You are a true gift, my friend. I wonder, how do you find the gold in the most difficult of circumstances? Are there areas of your life currently that you struggle to find the gold?
In difficult circumstances, I remember that God doesn’t waste any of our pain and that Jesus is near those who are brokenhearted. I experience Jesus as very near in times of suffering, both my own and others. That helps me trust that something golden will emerge. I see how difficult circumstances and times of suffering are also an opportunity to bring us together in community and love. People coming together under difficult circumstance is truly beautiful to behold. Those are the places where I find the hope and potential for gold. I believe leadership comes out of managing difficult circumstances well, both personally and socially.
I think the gold that I struggle to find has a lot to do with being an Enneagram 9. I can easily get stuck or be too slow in making decisions. While I enjoy looking at all perspectives it can be frustrating to make up my mind. Often this leads me to not use my voice. I think there is some gold in my voice. I am still struggling to find it.
Lament. Such a strong concept, that as you mention, we do not spend enough time thinking through. Thank you for bringing it up here. How many times do people feel unheard because we have not lamented along side them the pain that they have shared with us?
This then makes me think about the Catholic social teaching of solidarity: this idea that we are all interconnected. I am impacted by your pain, and I am called to stand with you as you move through your grief. We are called to do the good work of listening to each other in a very deep way.
Jennifer, Thank you for your response. I have been thinking a lot about the link between lament and injustice. We are all human beings and all interconnected. I love the concept of solidarity. I think what happens to one of us, or a group of us, will impact us all in some way, if we allow it to. I get that it is emotionally easier to look away or pretend that suffering and injustices don’t happen or aren’t so bad. I don’t always know how to respond. That is why I am drawn to lament first. I think solidarity can be found in both private and public lament. Maybe softer hearts and better solutions will be the result.
Thanks for this systematic and inspiring write-up, Jenny! I appreciate it. You showed clearly that the foundation of the process of coaching and growing is love. The awareness and experience that we are loved by God enable us to see gold in ourselves and others. Then I also found a significant point in your writing: “leadership gold emerges as a consequence of real life, pain, and trauma. We need assurance of the goodness and love of God, especially in situations where injustice and oppression are rampant.” It helped me to see more clearly that real experiences of pain and trauma can also help a person to bring out the gold within themselves. Through genuine love and concern for listening we can help others find their gold and experience growth.
Apa kabar, Dinka? Terima kasih banyak! Sometimes I think I talk about love and listening too much. But, I continue to believe love is foundational and more listening is what we all need. I have seen amazing leadership develop out of pain and trauma. I have also seen abusive leadership come out of those hard experiences when pain or trauma are not resolved and stay buried deep within. I think this is where loving through listening can help bring forth gold. The refining process is certainly difficult. Someone asked me recently, “Where is you heart breaking open and where is it breaking closed? Though I am not currently working through any major trauma, those two questions helped me see what happens to my heart when I encounter a difficulty or a disappointment. I need to tend to those broken places and gently notice what is happening inside. Is my heart free to open toward God, receptive to His love, and healing? Or is my heart closing, moving inward, away from God, and even myself? For me, these are grace-filled questions. I find they help me to understand my own heart and notice what I am doing with my pain.
“Camacho writes, “Our hearts need continuous fresh revelation about how much we are loved. Our identity forms, grows, and expands as we mature in our understanding of the love God has for us.”[4] I see coaching leaders as those who are committed to Jesus’ greatest command to love God, others, and self.[5] This is only possible because he first loved us.[6].”
Thanks for highlighting this quote Jenny, I often wonder why we are all such insecure creatures when it comes God’s love. For me, some of that insecurity came from certain kinds of preaching and reading Bible passages as a kid unsupervised, but one passage that I refer back to a lot is the “Workers in the vineyard”.
All of them get paid the same regardless if they worked ALL day or for an hour, which seems unfair by human standards, but I can’t help but connect that to God’s love that can’t possibly be divided or earned.
You mentioned not seeing yourself as a leader, but anyone who gets to know you would gladly take your lead. You’re kind, humble, and a great listener. Love our peer group! Appreciate your post.
Hi Adam. Sorry, I didn’t see this until this morning. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I love your example of the workers in the vineyard. Such a beautiful picture of what God’s generous love looks like in action. Your understanding from the story that God’s love can’t be divided or earned is powerful. It’s almost like we believe God doesn’t have enough to go around or something:)