Desire for More
I felt it early, even as a child. The bone deep desire for something more.
Do the right thing. Get the good grades. Don’t cause waves.
Control is my addiction and approval my vice. I am chasing, always chasing.
Trying. Yearning. Wanting. Numbing.
I live in bondage…to myself.
The fatal flaw of humanity is a chasm of need I cannot fill.
But I try, oh how I try.
Much of the striving is good on the outside.
It is a mask. A charade. A sneaky thief.Lose the weight.
Kick the habit.
Get the job.
Buy the home.
Earn the money.
Seek the praise.
Have the child.
Be the best.In blindness and captivity, I try again and again and again.
I am hostage to the illusion of my control, but it’s never enough.
My health suffers, my mind twists, my soul withers dry.
Yet, I keep trying, insane to expect a different result.– Bondage by Laura Fleetwood
You are an addict. Not because your brain is waiting for the next hit of heroin, but because your brain is eagerly anticipating the next hit of something. It’s not your fault, this obsession of wanting more. According to Leiberman and Long, it’s the natural result of a small but mighty chemical in your brain called dopamine. 1
In the book The Molecule of More, Leiberman and Long describe how neuroscientist John Douglas Pettigrew was the first person to find “that the brain manages the external world by dividing it into separate regions, the peripersonal and the extrapersonal—basically, near and far.” 2 We can think of the peripersonal space as anything that is real and accessible right now. Extrapersonal space is everything else—anything or possibility that you have to move beyond the present in order to experience. The brain works differently in each of these spaces with different primary chemicals being engaged. When the brain is focusing on something in the distance, something that cannot be experienced in the here and now, dopamine is the primary chemical involved.
Implication of Dopamine Levels
As Leiberman and Long point out, the natural levels of dopamine in a person’s brain have a significant impact on the amount of drive that person has to pursue everything from new experiences, creative pursuits and adventure in general. Some of this is hereditary and some is influenced by drugs, dopamine enhancing experiences like falling in love, surprises, and even the anticipation of “likes” on social media.
Like other brain chemicals, levels of dopamine are constantly changing and are impacted by many factors. The greater the dopamine levels, the greater likelihood a person will have a natural desire to go after new experiences. On my maternal side of the family, my relatives are often described as go-getters. Within the family itself we have a different name for it—”Borhart overdrive.” On the positive side, this overdrive has produced doctors, authors, successful entrepreneurs and several university professors. On the negative side, this overdrive also produced stress-induced breakdowns, depression and divorces. Until reading The Molecule of More I never thought about brain chemistry being part of this gift/affliction, but I now recognize it may have quite a significant impact, indeed.
Spiritual Implications of Dopamine
My family’s propensity for “overdrive” has often prompted me to think of this quote from Augustine’s Confessions, “thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.’ 3 I’ve seen this truth play out over and over in my life as I’ve strived for one thing or another, hoping that finally I would find peace. It’s as though my very brain was working against me. The dopamine in my body drives me for more and more while God is calling me toward less and less. Perhaps that’s why I have the words, “Be Still,” tatooed on my wrist as a constant reminder that God does not need my striving to accomplish His will in my life.
It’s no wonder that “Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?’” Matthew 16:24-26 For those of us with a tendancy toward striving, it’s a good reminder that what we strive toward is what truly matters.”
So Now What?
The Molecule of More left me asking this question, “so now what?” The book was super helpful in understanding how the chemical make-up of our brains impacts our drive or lack thereof and I appreciated the detailed description of the difference between the here and now chemicals and that of dopamine. However, I was left wondering about the impact of habits and whether or not habits can override our natural dopamine tendancies. From other books we’ve read, it would seem that they can. I would love to explore this more!
About the Author
Laura Fleetwood
Laura Fleetwood is a Christian creative, certified Enneagram Coach, doctoral student at Portland Seminary and Creative Director at her home church, Messiah St. Charles. As a published author, national faith speaker, podcaster and self-described anxiety warrior, Laura uses storytelling to teach you how to seek the S T I L L in the midst of your chaotic life. Find Laura at www.seekingthestill.com7 responses to “Desire for More”
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It was very creative to include your own poetry. Do you think that we as Christians are involuntarily slowed down when God wants our attention?
Ooo. Thought-provoking question, Shonell! I DO believe that God sometimes forces us to slow down when He has something to teach us. I have definitely found that to be true in my own life.
Laura, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and insights. I appreciate the way in which you weave your personal experience through and around the information of Liberman and Long’s book. I especially like how you draw the reader in through your poem. It’s beautiful and powerful!
In your last paragraph, you said, “However, I was left wondering about the impact of habits and whether or not habits can override our natural dopamine tendancies” and you noted that you’d like to explore this more. I can’t wait to hear more about what you might find on this. Also, does this information revealed in The Molecule of More tie into your NPO?
Jenny – It definitely ties into my NPO in regard to the impact that phones and social media play in young girls’ lives. We are truly seeing an addiction to technology that is startling.
Laura, beautiful poetry! You wrote “The dopamine in my body drives me for more and more while God is calling me toward less and less.” This is a great thought and I hope to really dig into the meaning of this for me as I too find that I can be a person who strives for more and is less settled. Finding a place of balance seems to be our challenge as individuals and as a society. Any thoughts on how as leaders we might influence this direction of dopamine over indulgence for ourselves and those we lead?
Sara – I truly believe that antidote to dopamine-driven lives is Sabaath and rest. There’s a reason that God commands us to take one day each week and make it holy. I’ve been learning more about sabaath and discovered that there are 4 components: 1) Stop 2) Delight 3) Rest 4) Worship. Each of these can only be experienced in the here and now:)
Laura, thank you for sharing your poem. It is beautiful. I see so much of myself in your words… the striving, the trying to be perfect, to make the grade, do the right thing, always chasing the elusive praises. I feel like I am finally coming out of that bondage, but it takes hard work. Just recently I had a friend ask me to read over a paper he wrote for a conference. I instantly started thinking that he wanted the “dumb person” to read it. I had to take that thought captive and not let it settle. Yes, we can override our habits and reframe our thinking. It is not easy, but it is so worth the effort.