Resilience made in Rwanda
Tod Bolsinger’s Tempered Resilience, like other themes we have seen in recent days, reveal that leadership formation is a challenging journey. “Bolsinger suggests four critical characteristics and specific practices to produce grounded resilience necessary for transformational leadership through change.”[1] As seen in other sources, these themes somehow suggest that to attain a worthwhile status of leadership, an element of toughness and hardening of character cannot miss. “Todd Bolsinger makes the case that this process of becoming a tempered resilient and resilient leader involves six steps: Working, heating, holding, hammering hewing, tempering.”[2]
Resilience has become a fascinating subject for me for several years. I wish to look at what Bolsinger says and investigate if applicable to the wounded, the survivors of visible and invisible wounds, whether combat or non-combat related. Discussing whether leaders are born or made, most of the authors we are interacting with agree that leaders are continually formed and strengthened through leadership challenges. Looking at Bolsinger’s work, supported by his personal experience and research, I can see a correlation between leadership formation and suffering. There must be ways that God manifests and perfects his work through our various forms of suffering.
Can the wounded lead?
“Poole’s conviction is that real leadership learn their craft the hard way through “critical incidents” that test their mettle.”[3] I know it is not funny, but I try to make a joke out of it, especially when I speak to new audiences! Here is the joke; “Instead of nurses, gynecologists, and midwives, my mother gave birth to me in the company of lions, hyenas, snakes, and other wild animals.” Life would have lost its meaning to me had I not figured out the resilient and transformational leadership theme. I was born while my parents were on the way from the killings in Rwanda to Uganda. My last name Ndahiriwe English meaning is blessed. I asked curiously why my parents had named me blessed; was I the most handsome baby ever seen? Was I the only boy? Did I hold a promise of greatness that they saw in the eyes of this infant? The answer was very depressing, “You were not expected to survive,” said my father when I asked.
This is more than tampering.
After surviving the genocide and in the refugee camp of Western Uganda, my highest desire was to be a conduit of forgiveness, peace, and reconciliation. It wasn’t long till I realized how complex the work of ethnic reconciliation in Rwanda would be. I ended up more depressed and broken to my core; the wounds of my past were brought to life, and I realized I might be more broken and wounded than I am zealous for the nation’s healing. The blessing of resources came in handy; I can’t be thankful enough for my dual citizenship. I still pray and hope to serve the most struggling survivors of the worst atrocities of war and civil unrest. The women victims of these atrocities and the young children bear the heaviest burdens. “Moreover, some mothers spoke about their children born of genocidal rape as a living embodiment of interethnic tensions in the aftermath of the genocide, which led to additional challenges for belonging within existing family structures.”[4]
The four characteristics are teachable, attuned, adaptable, and tenacious. Bolsinger walks the reader through each one of these characteristics and ties them together through a consistent illustration of tempering steel. His argument is supported by personal experience, academic research, and biblical concepts. Each one of these characteristics is developed and grounded in four correlating practices the four practices are learning, listening, looking, and lamenting.[5]
Lamentation
The Psalmist reminds us that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” Psalm 147:3. As Bolsinger shares these characteristics, we are reminded of lamentation; these essential lessons don’t come in beautifully raped gifts from heaven but through some hardships and challenges on the leadership journey. There are times of tears and hopelessness, times we wonder and ask God’s whereabouts, yet amidst these hurtful times is where he shows up for our rescue and teaching.
Hopelessness often comes at the point in your life when you feel you have hit rock bottom. But as I always like to point out, God will often let us hit rock bottom so that we will discover that He is the Rock at the bottom. Hopelessness is often born out of difficulties, defeats, and discouragements. And while these things are painful, there are seasons when the Lord uses our suffering to grow and strengthen us. These are the times when He sees fit to strip us of our self-sufficiency.[6]
David, the author of Psalm, must have been with the Rock at the bottom a lot, and he teaches us a lot about lamenting. Indeed, this kind of growth is essential, and there must be some maturity levels that we would not attain unless we hit rock bottom! Nouwen is one of my favorite authors, and he writes in the wounded healer about the wounded minister.
He is sitting among the poor, covered with wounds. The others unbind all their wounds at the same time and then bind them up again. But he unbinds one at a time and binds it up again, saying to himself, ‘Perhaps I shall be needed: if so, I must always be ready so as not to delay for a moment.’ (Taken from the tractate Sanhedrin)[7]
There is no doubt, suffering is essential to our growth as leaders and the wounded can lead. The task remains to embrace tempering, leadersmithing, and wounding.
[1] Jared Price, “Tempered Resilience: How Leaders Are Formed in the Crucible of Change” (January 29, 2021).
[2] Markus Watson, “Tempered Resilience Book Review,” December 11, 2020, accessed December 3, 2022, https://www.markuswatson.com/2020/12/11/tempered-resilience-book-review/.
[3] Jean de Dieu Ndahiriwe, “Leadership Comes Directly from God,” November 18, 2022, https://blogs.georgefox.edu/dlgp/leadership-comes-directly-from-god/.
[4] Leah Woolner, Myriam Denov, and Sarilee Kahn, “‘I Asked Myself If I Would Ever Love My Baby’: Mothering Children Born of Genocidal Rape in Rwanda,” Violence Against Women 25, no. 6 (May 2019): 703–720.
[5] Ibid.
[6] “Hope | Devotional Reading Plan | YouVersion Bible,” accessed December 3, 2022, https://tinyurl.com/38wy4ren.
[7] Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society, 1st Image ed. (New York, NY: Image Books, 02).
About the Author
Jean de Dieu Ndahiriwe
Jean de Dieu Ndahiriwe is a Clinical Correctional Chaplain and former Child Refugee from War-torn Rwanda. A member of the Maxwell Leadership Certified Team, Jean is passionate about Servant Leadership and looks forward to seeing more leaders that inspire Lasting Peace and Justice for all, especially "the least of these".8 responses to “Resilience made in Rwanda”
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Jean,
Let me first say thank you for sharing a prat of your story and the journey you have been on. There certainly is a resilience that comes from surviving struggle. I appreciate how you tie together the authors who find this to be true for leadership as well. Would you say that struggle or wounded-ness not only brings resilience but also an empathy for others as well?
Thanks, Sara,
Yes, there is a greater chance of becoming empathic due to woundedness. Sounds like what Paul was sharing starting his second epistle to the corinthians,
(2 Cor. 1:3-4).
Great post, Jean. I’m inspired by all of your stories of resilience, especially your reminder in your post, “There is no doubt, suffering is essential to our growth as leaders and the wounded can lead. The task remains to embrace tempering, leadersmithing, and wounding.” Also, “God will often let us hit rock bottom so that we will discover that He is the Rock at the bottom.” Amazing reminder! Thank you for the inspiration this week.
Thanks, David,
It is a blessing to be here and share what the Lord has done.
Thanks, Michael,
Glad to be part of this growing team of leaders.
As always, I am inspired by your story Jean. When I read posts from you that highlight all that you have gone through and how these experiences have shaped you into the leader you are today, I cannot help but be grateful at the story of God’s sovereign hand over your life. Thank you for sharing Jean!
Wow Jean!
I love when you share from your story! You always share your heart! I also love the meaning of your name – blessed. Maybe your father gave you that name because you were not expected to survive, but the Lord had a plan and a purpose for your life. You are a blessed man indeed. And I am blessed to call you my friend!
Jean de Dieu – Wow! You are blessed! Thanks for sharing the meaning of your name and your story. You certainly describe the nature of resilience in your story. I am beginning to see why you are the person to do the work you do – you are a blessing to those who are need of a blessing. God uses you to teach others resilience (among other things).