A Call to Lay Down Our Armor
What could our world look like if leaders removed their defensive armor and led from a posture of service instead of power? That’s the question I found myself pondering as I read Leading out of Who You Are by Simon P. Walker. In this leadership book, Walker describes the difference between a defended leader (prioritizing power, ego and achievement) and an undefended leader (prioritizing trust, service, and self-sacrifice). Through an exploration of case studies and years of working with leaders, Walker theorizes that undefended leadership is the key to meeting the challenges of leadership in some of the most difficult areas of life such as politics, business and ministry. [1] The problem? Undefended leaders are few and far between.
So much of this book resonated with me, particularly the emphasis on trust and how it impacts the ego. Walker discusses four ‘shapes’ of ego that develop from childhood environments and then describes how each impacts leadership style: 1) shaping ego 2) defining ego 3) adapting ego 4) defending ego. [2] Each of the four ‘shapes’ is based on whether a person has trust in herself and trust in others. Since I identified completely with the defining leadership ego, here is what I learned about that particular ‘shape’ and how it has manifested in my own life as I’ve been learning to live more undefended.
Trust in myself. Lack of trust in others.
I distinctly recall a situation in my childhood that shaped my ego into thinking I could only trust myself and not anyone else – the hallmark of a defining ego. [3] My grandparents divorced when I was young. My grandfather was a life-long pastor and one of my heroes. I was very close to both of my grandparents and spent a great deal of time with them. I never saw the divorce coming. One day I was spending the night with them and having fun and the next day my grandfather wrote a letter that he was leaving my grandmother and disappeared from our lives for over a decade. Until that point, I lived a “Pollyannaish” life. After that, I began to doubt others and trust only in myself – a burden I eventually discovered was impossible to bear.
If there was a poster child for the defining leadership ego based on Walker’s description, it would definitely be me. Right down to the fear of failure, control, lack of delegation, development of an anxiety disorder and extreme burnout and breakdown. It’s all there in the history of my life and the bones of my being. Thankfully, I have also experienced the redemption and restoration that is possible by learning how to become more undefended. My story is proof that undefended leadership is possible by shedding the layers of self and mining the true gift of what lies underneath.
Freedom from self.
One of my therapists told me that from the time we are children, we add protective layers (or armor) to ourselves to shield and protect us from wounds we experience. In adulthood, those layers that once protected us, often become the very things that hold us back from experiencing true freedom and living as our true self – a child of God. I’m glad that Walker identified trust in the Divine as a necessity for an undefended leader. It is only through the security of God’s love and trustworthiness that anyone can begin the frightening, yet freeing, process of removing our armor layer by layer, day by day, to live and lead as Jesus did – completely undefended. When I began to share my vulnerability, temptations, trials and pain instead of hiding them away “backstage” as Walker describes, a curious, wonderful and unexpected thing happened. Instead of trusting me less, people trusted me more.
Guide to others.
When a leader does the hard work of becoming undefended by facing failure, claiming true identity, letting go of outcomes, being still, nurturing potential in others, and serving rather than striving, she becomes so much more than a leader. She becomes a guide for others to find the same freedom she has. Living undefended is not easy. I mess it up all the time and have to remind myself that I am learning. It’s a process, not a formula. It is hard, but oh so worth it. It is, indeed, the heroine’s journey of my life.
So, what could the world look like if leaders removed their defensive armor? I believe it could look a bit like heaven.
[1] Simon Walker, Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership (Carlisle: Piquant, 2007).
[2] Originally developed by Kim Bartholomew and Leonard M. Horowitz.
[3] Walker, 70.
About the Author
Laura Fleetwood
Laura Fleetwood is a Christian creative, certified Enneagram Coach, doctoral student at Portland Seminary and Creative Director at her home church, Messiah St. Charles. As a published author, national faith speaker, podcaster and self-described anxiety warrior, Laura uses storytelling to teach you how to seek the S T I L L in the midst of your chaotic life. Find Laura at www.seekingthestill.com9 responses to “A Call to Lay Down Our Armor”
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Hi Laura, thanks for the great post!
The help you found that brought redemption and restoration must have been God-sent. I would love to hear the detailed testimony when we meet in London!
I am reminded of Job “Is there not a warfare to man on earth? And as the days of an hireling his days?” (Job 7:1 YLT98). This side of heaven is not easy to live and lead undefended!.
Jean – Thank you for that. I have absolutely felt like Job at times and have definitely been my own worst enemy. Christ’s redemption is oh so sweet when we come to the end of our own rope and finally reach out to His hand.
Amen sister,
Praise the Lord; where would I be without Jesus!
Laura, What a powerful post! Thank you for sharing your thoughts vulnerably, so that we could have a clearer glimpse of Walker’s presentation, but also a clearer glimpse of what it means to live knowing we are loved and secure in God’s love. I love the way you open and close your blog with the question and concept, “What could our world look like if leaders removed their defensive armor and led from a posture of service instead of power?” and “So, what could the world look like if leaders removed their defensive armor and led like Jesus? It could look like heaven.” Thank you for this inspiring challenge. How do you keep yourself focused and returning to an undefended leadership style during the day? How might small groups of leaders help and encourage each other in this way?
Thanks, Laura! I so appreciate your thoughts and writing!
Jenny – If only there was silver bullet answer to your question! Honestly, the thorn in my flesh (anxiety) is what helps me turn away from myself and toward God and others. When my anxiety ratchets up, I know I’ve been trying to take back control and it’s my cue to surrender. In that respect, it’s both the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. As for small groups, I have a “team” of people I run to for accountability and support. Some of them are professionals (therapist, spiritual director, etc). Some are family and some are friends. They know my story and they know where to point me when I feel the pressure of this world piling on. I don’t know what I’d do without them and I think having a group of people like this is paramount for any leader who wants to live undefended.
Thanks for your reply, Laura. It does seem so important for leaders to have groups of people to support them, especially people who know them well and care for them. Thankful for your thoughts!
Laura,
I really enjoyed your post. You said, “by shedding the layers of self and mining the true gift of what lies underneath.” this is a way for a leader to be an undefended leader. What is one of the areas where you found shedding your layers of self and mining the true gift harder than you anticipated? Or what has delightfully surprised you once you shed those layers and mined the true gift?
Thank you for that question, Daron! I immediately thought of an activity I did in therapy one day. We had to write words that described the outside of the mask we wear (the facade we show to people on the outside) and then on the other side of the paper, we had to write words that described the inside of our mask (the things we held back from others). At first, I thought…I don’t even wear a mask! That’s how far my “backstage” as Walker would say was hidden. I didn’t even know it existed myself! But when I really dove deep, I realized that I had so much shame, guilt, and control hidden there. The inside of my mask didn’t match the lovely outside. That was a threshold moment for me:) Slowly, but surely, I’m learning to merge the inside and the outside. To not keep those things hidden, but to bring them to the light. In that way, I can live as one whole person rather than doing the impossible and exhausting work of keeping up appearances. The true gift is that those who love me, still love me even with that darkness exposed. No more need to hide it all underneath (although that’s still my tendency to do). What a gift!
Laura,
Such a great post! Great explanation of Walker’s description of an undefended leader and how you see it reflected in your life.
I have a question (it is similar to the one you asked me): considering the amount of burnout and overwhelm that is present in our culture, do all leaders have to come to a place of suffering to process their ego identity? Related to that, can we actually lead if we have not suffered?
I appreciated that Walker emphasized the presence of suffering and that we avoid it in our culture, while other cultures and times embraced suffering as part of the human story.
Thanks for your insights!