Leadership Is More Than Just Learning New Techniques And Methods?
Leadership is probably the discipline that has attracted the highest number of authors and it amazes me the rate at which new ideas and techniques for increased productivity, are identified and touted as the latest or ‘the must have’ for success in leadership. It’s also true that every leader is on the look out for the newest developments in the market, in order to be current. Is it really necessary to go after these new techniques and methods, to be a successful leader? Edwin Friedman was on ordained Rabbi, family therapist and leadership consultant. In his book, A failure of nerve, Friedman emphasizes on his understanding of leadership as self-differentiation or being well-differentiated.[1] Friedman illustrates good “self-differentiation” as that characterized by the great renaissance explorers who are leaders with: the capacity to separate oneself from the surrounding emotional processes; the capacity to obtain clarity about one’s principles and vision; the willingness to be exposed and be vulnerable; the persistence to face inertia resistance; and the self-regulation of emotions in the face of reactive sabotage. There is more about self-knowledge and self-control. He sees leadership as being more about the “non-anxious presence” through self-knowledge and ability to take stands at the risk of displeasing, as opposed to the “highly anxious risk-avoiders” who are more concerned with good feelings than with progress and whose lives revolves around the axis of consensus which he calls the failure of nerve. By Self-differentiation, the leader maintains his/her integrity (a non-anxious self as opposed to an anxious non-self), thereby promoting the integrity or prevents the disintegration of the system that he/she is leading. Its noteworthy that Friedman concludes that self-differentiation always triggers sabotage which is a systemic part of the leadership process. Leadership success is not about the change that a leader brings but is able being able to endure the subsequent and resultant sabotage that the leader can feel truly successful.[2]
The popular view of the leadership process has been about learning the new techniques and methodology to increase the effort and numbers. This approach ignores other factors at play in the organization that can sabotage the techniques and methodology and frustrate the leader’s efforts. Friedman uses the analogy of a sailor and his boat to illustrate the importance of positioning the leader in such a way that the natural forces, carry one in the right direction. Instead of the sailor working against the natural forces, he just positions himself in such way that these forces aid him to navigate even the most dangerous parts of his journey. Self-differentiation is therefore the way the leader achieves the non-anxious presence, a challenging presence, a well-defined presence and a paradoxical presence that the source of their real strength. Friedman acknowledges that this approach to leadership is not easy, Leadership through self-differentiation is not easy; learning techniques and imbibing data are far easier. Nor is striving or achieving success as a leader without pain: there is the pain of isolation, the pain of loneliness, the pain of personal attacks, the pain of loosing friends. That’s what leadership is all about’[3]
As a Christian leader, I could not help to see myself trying to go for techniques and methodology and seeing how we can increase productivity in total ignorance of my need to self-differentiate. This book continues to challenge my knowledge and practice of leadership and I have determined to read the whole text at a later date, and put the book in my library of reference books. I must also acknowledge that the book is not an easy read but one that calls for patience and concentration to get the best out of the book. As I research on the case for holistic ministry among the vulnerable communities, I have a new focus of research, on the kind of leadership practice that is prevalent in these communities and whether there is need for change. It’s my challenge as a leader to work on my self-differentiation and to influence and challenge other leaders that I work with, to do the same.
As I examine the leadership model of Jesus Christ, it is clear that He was a servant leader who self-differentiated himself and was able steer things in the right direction even in the midst of rejection and outright sabotage of his mission, by the same people that He was reaching. Through meeting their needs and going to where the “sinners” were in self-differentiation, Jesus accomplished His mission and today stands out as a great example to emulate. In a society that is opposed to the Gospel and bent on liberally seeking worldly pleasures and explicitly being anti-church, it is important for us as leaders to seek ways of self-differentiation, in order to impact the world. Holistic ministry that embraces both evangelicalism and social action to alleviate pain and poverty as a missional obligation is inevitable. It is through the holistic ministry that the church’s presence will be felt in the local communities and cause the people to pay attention to the Gospel because it responds to their every day needs, and becomes relevant to their lives. In the course of ministering to the poor through education, health and economic empowerment in our organization, we have witnessed the power of holistic ministry as people respond by coming to church in response to their physical and psychosocial needs being addressed and feeling the non-anxious presence of the church in their society.
[1] Edwin H Friedman. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in The Age of Quick-Fix. (New York City. Church Publishing, 2017).
[2]Friedman. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in The Age of quick-Fix. Loc. 4772, Kindle.
[3] Ibid,…Loc. 4529, Kindle.
About the Author
Mary Kamau
Christ follower, Mother of 3 Biological children and one Foster daughter, Wife, Pastor, Executive Director of Institutional Development and Strategy in Missions of Hope International, www.mohiafrica.org.4 responses to “Leadership Is More Than Just Learning New Techniques And Methods?”
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Mary, thank you for this insightful post! I appreciate the desire to share the gospel and meet practical needs as well. As you seek to carry out both of those ministry goals, do you find it hard to maintain a healthy balance? Also, do you see challenges to self-differentiation as a leader in one area more than the other? I’m guessing that working with those in great need would challenge the need to see where we and our role ends and the needs begin, but I’d like to hear your perspective. Thanks for what you do!
Mary: Your holistic ministry that you talk about sounds like you are making an impact for the Kingdom where God has placed you. Friedman’s book has some challenging teachings for all of us and I like how you articulate the areas of the book that you find difficult. The book is western, and logical, and forensic even. . . words that can be hard to jive with doing ministry.
Mary, thank you for this well thought out overview of Friedman. I find myself wondering about how these concepts would work in your culture. I know that in Polish culture many of the ideas included in a self-differentiated person could be interpreted as rude. For example, gossip or triangulation is to obtain hard to find goods and maintain the balance of power in villages. Although, this has changed as Poland has become a part of the European Union, many of these practices are deeply engrained in the culture itself. I would be very interested learn how things are in your world.
Hi Mary. Thank you for this excellent summary of Friedman’s thesis regarding self-differentiation. I also really appreciate your transparency and vulnerability as you share how his thoughts challenge your leadership journey and ministry context. What next steps have you identified to develop self-differentiation awareness and practice in your leadership? Is there a particular aspect of your ministry where this practice is more needed at this time?