No Size Fits All
Leadership is a tricky topic to discuss. As the Handbook of Leadership Theory and Practice shows, there are not just many definitions of what leadership is, but many different ways in which it manifests itself. Although we may try to systematize leadership in a clear cut way, the reality is much more complex. There is no one size-fits all style of leadership. There are unifying principles that can be utilized in helping to discern the role of leaders, but a big part of leadership is how one leans into their God-given abilities.
Whether we realize it or not, we carry various notions of what leaders should be. When I was in university, the most common type of leader I saw on my campus was a dominant leader who got things done at all costs. For these various leaders, the tasks they were trying to accomplish came before the relationships they had with people. Because this was what I was primarily exposed to (or at least consciously reflecting on at the time), that was what I thought leadership was: You need to get things done and you’re the ultimate authority.
While that style of leadership is valid and does carry a purpose and role within society, that’s not me. I remember very clearly the first real leadership role I had in university was the co-director of a drama ministry. I had been part of the ministry for only one semester after becoming good friends with the previous director. He told me that he thought I would be a good fit to take over for him because we had similar personalities, so the transition wouldn’t be too jarring. I was hesitant to even consider the role, but at the first meeting of the new school year, I was voted in as the new co-director.
There are many factors to what happened next. First, I had just returned from Hong Kong for the first time and I was experiencing a type of reverse culture shock upon reentry. I just wanted to be back in Hong Kong and couldn’t appreciate what was happening in front of me at the time (I say during that time I came back with a fire in me, but instead of providing light I simply burned everyone around me). Second, some of the older members – who were more dominant in their personalities – pushed me to make decisions that they thought was best for the group. Because of my difficulty in reentry (and really not wanting to be in that leadership position to begin with), whatever suggestion they gave I pushed ahead with it even if it hurt people along the way.
Unfortunately, this experience ended with the ministry all but completely crumbling, a lot of broken relationships, and a growing resentment for myself as I realized I had failed. When I finally realized what was happening, it was too late. It appeared that things were on the upswing, but I was voted out of leadership and the position was given to the previous director.
Still reeling from my failure with the drama group, my next major leadership role was as a team leader in Hong Kong for a group of teachers. I had participated in this program the previous two years as a teacher, so it was my first time leading anyone overseas. Again, the leaders I had were very driven individuals who I respected very much, so I tried to emulate their leadership style. …and failed. After two weeks of frustrations and miscommunications, I finally realized that because I was trying to be someone else, I wasn’t giving this team what they needed. I had been giving them a false self. We had a heart to heart where I explained where I was coming from and my team was very gracious with me. From that moment, I started leading not as my previous leaders, but rather as who God made me. And my team embraced not just me, but each other as we formed our team identity.
The story that we tell and the story that we write shapes those around us in ways we don’t realize (a concept hit upon in Chapter 19). If the narrative of leadership that we have written is one that ultimately disempowers people from leading through their strengths and instead tries to pigeonhole people into a uniform style of leadership, we’re doing not just a disservice to the world, but to the Kingdom of God. A mentor of mine in Hong Kong is the one who finally showed me the importance of this. The organization he runs is called Empower Asia and they do a lot of work with coaching, mentoring, and training. When I was in the midst of conflict with several leaders in my life at the time, he sat me down and walked me through a DISC assessment and showed me where my tensions were based on my type versus theirs. But he also showed me the value that these other types of leaders have. Because I had been burned by different dominant leaders, I had a bad taste in my mouth for that style. But he showed me that there are times when it’s needed (something he also struggles with at times, as we share similar personalities and experiences).
Part of leadership is knowing the people you’re leading and what they need in different situations. It may be that your group needs someone more dominant who can give clear vision. It may be that they need a leader who is more focused on intimate relationships.
But whatever the style of leadership, people need to be empowered. For me, when I was leading a small group at my previous church, the measure of success I found wasn’t in how big the group was, but rather the answer to the question, “If I step away from this, can the group function without me?” In the many instances that I had to step away, I found that people stepped up because they had been previously empowered to do so while I was there.
Some may disagree that a leader’s success shouldn’t be based on what happens if they aren’t there (I would be interested to hear some thoughts on that). I know I’m not a dominant leader – and I’ve learned that’s okay.
I’m going to lean into and lead through the strengths that God has given me.
About the Author
Dylan Branson
Small town Kentuckian living and learning in the big city of Hong Kong.14 responses to “No Size Fits All”
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Dylan,
One of the greatest strengths of a leader is a large measure of self-awareness. This comes through trial and error, and a willingness to learn. Over the years, my leadership style has changed based on seasons of life and context of ministry. I grew most as a leader when surrounded by others who graciously encouraged me and helped me see my “blindspots.” Having a mentor is definitely a bonus in helping us develop and grow in our capacity to lead well. While it’s important to lean into our strengths, it’s also important to be stretched by having courage to step into areas that aren’t as comfortable. Can you name a current growth edge in your leadership development during this season of your life?
Darcy, I agree that we need to push ourselves beyond our limits (should have clarified that in my post; thanks for pointing that out). There are moments when our styles of leadership don’t resonate with the people we’re leading, so we need to adjust accordingly. During those moments when we’re stretched, we do grow more than we would otherwise.
I think leading out of your weaknesses is further along on the continuum of leadership development. We need to discover our strengths and learn to be confident in leading from those before we can begin to lead from our weak areas. If we start from our weaknesses, that oftentimes proves more discouraging as we are more apt to fail. I think that’s what stops people from beginning the growing process that will turn them into the leaders they are meant to be.
For me, taking a dominant leadership role is always difficult. Because I like to get people’s opinions and carefully weigh them, getting tasks done in a group can be difficult. I’m learning that there are times when a snap decision needs to be made (something I’ve worked through when I was leading teams for my previous organization) while still showing that I value the inputs of others. I recognize that there are times this needs to happen, it just pulls against my leadership style so much due to past difficulties with leaders I’ve had.
Dylan, thank you for sharing your perspective and experience. You posted “Part of leadership is knowing the people you’re leading and what they need in different situations. It may be that your group needs someone more dominant who can give clear vision. It may be that they need a leader who is more focused on intimate relationships”. I believe strong relationships are very essential, building trust and caring for people as a way of understanding people’s needs. I have learned over the years that if people that I lead don’t trust me is hard to know what they need.
I agree completely. Relationship is key to leadership. I think a big part of leadership is being able to recognize when someone else is better suited for the task at hand and letting them roll with it. Getting to that spot is the difficulty, as that’s where the hard work of building relationships come into play.
One thing I’ve also wondered about is when it’s appropriate to step out of leadership. There may be a time when a leader needs to step down because they recognize they’ve given all they can or there may be someone who’s up and coming and should be given an opportunity to lead. Even within this, I think that relationship and knowing your people is important. Do you have any thoughts on this?
Dylan good insight. I have learned over the years that there isn’t just one leadership style that fits every need. Leadership trends have changed over that past several years. When I was young the style focused on solo leadership with management in mind. As I grew older the leadership style shifted from management to being a change agent. The current trend is team leadership. The trend will be something different as the business culture changes so does the leadership trends. No matter the trend it is always wise to staff your weakness. Whether in ministry or business I have always tried to surround myself with people that do things better than I can and who have strengths in areas I do not. I also never allowed yes men on my staff and have very few close friends that I would call yes men/women that would agree with me to just make me feel better. I never want to be the smartest person in the room because that leaves little room to be challenged and stretched. I gather people that are like minded in purpose and faith but are willing to say things that way things are and who don’t feel the need to agree it they see things differently. It has served me well.
Definitely. I think the beautiful thing about leadership is that it shouldn’t be stagnant. “You live and you learn.” You learn what works, you learn what doesn’t. You learn that this person responds well to this situation, while another doesn’t. As you come into contact with new people and new situations, flexibility is an important asset to have in your arsenal of leadership skills.
Dylan, I’m drawn to your vulnerability in this post. One of the current tenants of innovation leadership is “leading from behind”, not running out in front and directing the way, but fostering the group and pulling out each person’s “slice of genius.” That seemed more Eastern to me, so I was curious… do you see that modeled and emphasized in your context?
Mm, I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily Eastern (at least in my experience). Hong Kong is very hierarchical still in that the head leader receives all of the attentions and in that there is typically a power distance.
I do see that though in various organizations I’ve volunteered with (and, in reflection, it’s ultimately the style of leadership I opt for). Though the ones who I see practice it are usually from Western nations. I was actually talking with my mentor about this last weekend (we were talking about what it would look like to have a “Pastor as Facilitator” model of leadership in church). One of the things he pointed out is that the “leading from behind” mentality is something that resonates with S/SC type personalities on the DISC scale. That’s where I fall on it, so maybe that’s why it’s something that resonates so clearly with me at this point.
Thanks for the clarification and nuance. I was thinking of Leading from Behind more from a cultural angle, but you bring up a good point about leading different personality types, too.
You wrote, “there are not just many definitions of what leadership is, but many different ways in which it manifests itself.” One time I missed out on a job that I would have loved to have because I did not have a working definition of leadership. I was flown to Georgia to interview with Chick-fil-A for a store manager consultant. I passed with flying colors all the way up to the point where I chatted with the COO of the company. We sat down in the nicest office I had ever see and the first question he asked after some preliminaries was, “Can you define leadership for me?” I sat there blank like I had dimentia. I’ll never forget his definition though. It is different than anything I’ve ever heard and it’s what I use.
Steve, what was the definition of leadership that the COO used?
It’s interesting that we often look for people to mentor who remind us of our younger selves. Is that a way for us to try and fix or redeem our own past leadership mistakes? On the other hand, I know how my life has been enriched when I’ve been asked to mentor leaders who were nothing like me. It’s tempting to try to shape them into what I know, but I’ve grown more when I watch them become who God is calling them to be.
That’s an interesting though, John. I think there definitely could be an element of redemption in that regard. In a similar vein, it’s like when parents try to guide their kids in a way so that they don’t make the same mistakes they did when they were kids.
I agree though that it can be enriching to mentor or be mentored by people who may be nothing like you. I think you can learn a lot about yourself through that process as well and can see the value that diversity of person and leadership has.
Authenticity is key. Be who you are! Being vulnerable is disarming. Thank you for sharing the story; it’s an awakening. What the leadership world needs. Not every place/organization/team is ready for such vulnerability.
Appreciate your heart bro. Thank you for spotlighting plastic and what leadership may be damaging/disempowering. There’s a quiet salvation (that has come through the struggle) for those you’re called to lead with a listening love and deep care. Sweet!