Mapping Personal Cultures
In the Swedish movie A Man Named Ove the main character, Ove, exemplifies everything we would normally associate with Nordic people. From living a sparse life to only driving Saabs everything about him says that he is in fact Swedish. When his new neighbor Parvaneh, who is Iranian, brings him food out of gratitude for a favor granted, he is turned off by the use of spice but still eats it all because he would not want to waste anything – and in the process discovers he likes spice. There is a scene towards the middle of the movie where he brings Parvaneh to a coffee shop, buys some cakes and a couple of coffees then directs her to sit at a particular table and chair. He then tells her about how every week on the same day at one o’clock he and his wife would come to this shop, sit at this table, eat cake and drink coffee, and talk about life.
In her book The Culture Map, Erin Meyer shows the eight characteristics of cultures that she believes provides the best understanding of those cultures, which will help to promote better cross cultural communication. In this book she is working from a macro level or the average of behavior for various cultures. From the critical praise the book received and her expertise as a professor at INSEAD I have no doubt she is correct about her ideas. That being said, averages are only a start. The real treasure trove is diving into the average and finding the particular.
We could look at Ove from the average, and in many ways he would fit the map that Meyer creates of the Swedish people. It turns out that what he presents is mostly a disguise he wears to hide his true self, which is hurting from the loss of his wife. It is Parvaneh’s continual presence in his life that allows him to open up and let her see his true self. When he brings Parvaneh to the shop he is revealing not only his self, but also a bit of the culture that existed within his relationship with his wife.
It is rare that person A has the same relationship with person B that person C has. Even within families the relationship structure changes between sets of people. I have three sisters and none of us have the same relationship with my mom. That is of course because we are all individuals and that, by nature, makes the relationships different. An outsider could look at us from a macro level and come to the conclusion that since we are all shy and quiet our relationships are basically the same and they would be entirely wrong. Each relationship is a culture to itself and has its own map points. My mom and I talk at academic levels that none of my sisters would approach, they do not enjoy academics. We have a culture and a shorthand that is unique to us and each of my sisters have a culture with my mother that is unique to them. The macro level would be deceptive.
Hospitality is very much the act of seeing a person from the macro level and accepting them into your personal culture so that they are able to reveal their personal culture. Parvaneh is showing hospitality to Ove by accepting his cold outer self. It is in that work of opening up herself that Ove finds the freedom and security to reveal himself.
In the closing chapter of her book Meyer says that the map she has described is based upon the average behavior of each culture she describes.1 It would be nearly impossible to build a objective tool like this if all the different behaviors of each culture had to be included. I think her book works as a starting point for understanding cultures, but we should remember that it is an average and not forget that each individual is a treasure trove of uniqueness if we are willing to allow them to reveal their personal culture.
—
1. Erin Meyer, The Culture Map, (Public Affairs: New York, 2015), 251.
About the Author
Sean Dean
An expat of the great state of Maine where the lobster is cheap and the winters are brutal I've settled in as a web developer in Tacoma, Washington. As a foster-adoptive parent of 3 beautiful boys, I have deep questions about the American church's response to the public health crisis that is our foster system.11 responses to “Mapping Personal Cultures”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Totally agree. We need to be careful to not reduce our cross-cultural relationships based on those 8 cultural map units in Erin Meyer’s book. Like you said, it is a great starting point to understanding and avoiding big cultural faux pas. If we merely acted in mechanical, robotic ways, only paying attention to these cultural cues for the sole purpose of placating our friends, then we risk being seen as phony.
By the way, now I’m interested in seeing the movie.
There’s a certain amount to which we have to reduce cultures to their average values, but there always has to be the caveat that it’s an average and every person in the culture will be a variation on that average. The robotic approach will cause many of the same problems that the ignorant approach will, in that it seems impersonal.
Thanks Harry. Also, you can stream Ove on Prime.
So true Sean, we are all unique . . . “fearfully and wonderfully made” in the image of a loving God. I am grateful for Meyer’s book . . . and also for your poignant critique.
The trouble with categorization is that it becomes so easy to lose out on the “fearfully and wonderfully made” part of each of us. Thanks for your comment Jacob.
Sean, Thanks so much for reminding me that every cultural insight is but another starting point for getting to know the person better in front of me. I appreciate your focus on hospitality of accepting others while striving to be fearless in opening up our own vulnerability to others. Perhaps this is the essence of cultural humility, opening myself up to love and learn from others. Thanks again for your perspective. P.S. I just saw your suggested movie on Netflix, I can’t wait to check it out with Glo!
The “trick” of hospitality is knowing how much to open yourself up in order to welcome the other in. At a certain point it becomes second nature, I guess, but for most of us it’s easier to reveal our crusty selves. So it is an act of faith to open up. Believing that welcoming this other person in is worth it, is the step to moving past the opening step.
This was a really good post, Sean. I appreciated the micro concepts and finding the space in the difference. I actually had this book on my nightstand to read after my next!
Thanks Karen. I tried to keep as much spoiler-y stuff out of the post as possible, but the scene at the shop was one of my favorites so I had to use it. Enjoy.
Thank you, Sean, for your insight. Like the character in your movie, we can hide behind our culture, fearing rejection. I think about all of the cultures within our country, so one size does not fit all, but this also shows how are differences are somewhat contrived. Thanks again.
Sean, I loved Ove. Fab movie with great themes, and funny.
Your comment about academics is interesting, Meyer says on p44 that education tends to move people to the more extreme version of the dominant cultural tendency – it’s an interesting thought, and I think she is right. But as you point out, in the closing chapter of the book there is ‘averaging’ that takes place. I wonder how much personality makes a difference in intercultural comms too? My experience in working with multicultural Asians was that personality made a significant difference in the speed at which people would learn how to communicate and adapt to new ways of seeing the world and each other. Not to mention their own historic biases and skewed education (which we all suffer from).
Sean, it was great reading through your blog and realizing the complexity that is the study of culture but also appreciating the individual personal differences that in themselves present their own cultures. In relating with my three children, I realize that our relationships are unique for each of the children depending on their interests, personality and even age. Meyer has indeed helped to unravel the mystery that is cultural differences and how they affect our interactions and specifically how we can navigate through these different cultural contexts successfully. as you have pointed out, there is so much to culture to be studied, noting that culture also changes with time and is also constantly changing, especially with globalization. Could it be that in future we might come close to homogeneity of culture due to globalization?