Journey Through the Fog
Jet lagged and swamped with work from being out of the country for eighteen days, I attempted to read Pierre Bayard’s, How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read with as much focused attention as my foggy brain could muster. During this grueling process, I would read his statements extolling “the virtues of non-reading” and find myself chuckling at the irony and also feeling permission to talk about this book without reading it.[1] Being the type of reader I have been in the past, a wrestling match ensued in my mind which took more time and energy than if I had read every word. I finally murmured, “What’s the point?” just as the melatonin did its effectual work and the fog darkened my mind for the night.
Waking the next day, I attempted again and this time my comprehension was different. I recognized the message for me was not so much about reading, rather it was to address the attitude for acquiring knowledge and perspective. I was reminded of my last blog post about how to read as an explorer filled with wonder. With Bayard’s work, another characteristic emerged, the key to gaining true knowledge, seeing what is unseen, is found through a posture of humility.
Bayard uses the character of Musil’s librarian and General Stumm to illustrate humility at its finest. Stumm approaches the library, about which he is completely unfamiliar, believing he can find the “redemptive idea” by reading every volume.[2] How often have I approached this program or a new challenge with this kind of attitude? With more zeal than wisdom, he marches through the rows to assess the challenge before him. I can imagine reality beginning to dawn on him as his head goes back and forth, up and down scanning the multitude of volumes, and gaining perspective on the task ahead. With a sight that has become daunting, he asks the librarian how many books are in the library, as a good leader counting the cost must do. The librarian now becomes the sage taking the general by the hand and leads him out of the trees so he can so the whole forest. With humility he shows the general a simple method of becoming acquainted with all the books and reveals his acceptance of his finite reality while respecting the vast array of knowledge around him. The profound lesson is that humility actually opens the door to a much broader perspective and understanding. It reminds me of the Apostle Paul’s admonition in I Corinthians 8:1-3 (NET) regarding the effects of knowledge with a wrong attitude, “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. If someone thinks he knows something, he does not yet know to the degree that he needs to know.”
I was eventually liberated after wrestling with Bayard’s description of the constraints we face with reading: the obligation to read, and to read thoroughly, and to have read a book in order to talk about it “with any precision.”[3] I must be honest about the disequilibrium I felt when stepping into the concepts of reading as a risk, as it was such a paradox to my previous understanding. To consider reading thoroughly as a repressive action was a challenge as it seemed like something upside down being called right side up. Even trying to not read this book, I experienced what Bayard described as “unconscious guilt.”[4] The statement that helped me completely exhale was the logical reality, “that even a prodigious reader never has access to more than an infinitesimal fraction of the books that exist. As a result, unless he abstains definitively from all conversation and all writing, he will find himself forever obliged to express his thoughts on books he hasn’t read.”[5] This is what Musil’s librarian knew. Perspective is everything…low beam headlights are always more helpful than high beam in a dense fog! Turn on the low beams and perceive differently, Tammy. Realize that reading every word with such an openness as I have been prone to, actually sets me up for restricted understanding, limited creativity, and one-sided biases. Read the title, the table of contents and imagine what might be on the pages. Let wonder and humility be the two low beam headlights to light the way through the fog of unknowing. Then read the signposts and enjoy the journey of skimming. See the beauty of the scenery on the drive as you consider what you have only heard of through others. And, while you’re driving be keen to the triggers that might just bring things back to mind that you experienced on roads previously traveled (books previously read) and long forgotten. Wonder and humility, low beams, may we see something new even in the fog.
*Disclaimer: the jet lag is real!
[1] Pierre Bayard, How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read (New York: Bloomsbury, 2009), Kindle Loc. 98.
[2] Bayard, 4.
[3] Bayard, Loc. 107.
[4] Bayard, Loc. 124.
[5] Bayard, 3.
About the Author
Tammy Dunahoo
Tammy is a lover of God, her husband, children and grandchildren. She is the V.P. of U.S. Operations/General Supervisor of The Foursquare Church.10 responses to “Journey Through the Fog”
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Tammy, this was a wonderful post! For what it’s worth, it was incredibly riveting and I read every word! I really loved your analogy of brain fog, as one who is experiencing it, to actual fog and using our low beams to see things differently. I felt a sense a freedom from Bayard’s book, in so many ways that you articulated as well. It’s nice to have a small sense of freedom from “unconscious guilt”!
Thank you Tammy for your perspective and analogy of the fog and the low beams. It does take humility to know that you have to go forward somewhat unsure of what you are doing but believing God has you on the path you need to be on. It is flipping me upside down as I learn new methods of processing all of the information I need to continue this journey. Much of it is a matter of trust, which is not always easy for me to do. As you quoted from the Bible knowledge can puff us up, so we need to trust that God is able to give us the knowledge we need to finish this program. Glad to be on the journey with you.
Jet lag is real and stays for a lot longer it seems when you return home and have to do work!
I was just talking with a friend about this subject, as he was taking a little jab at me, for still being in school. His last joking comment was, “don’t become like one of those super smart people that leave the church”! While I knew what he meant at the same time, it’s as if anyone who wants to get more knowledge can’t do so without God being involved, but I think you hit the nail on the head in that they lose the humility that they may have had before getting the knowledge.
One of the reasons for this that I have seen is that the further removed someone is from “the people” the more they lose touch with humility. I’m sure you’ve seen it happen in leadership as well. We get bogged down in the “stuff,” and forget the people who are supposed to be helping, and we indeed lose the wonder in work. Have you found anyways to stay close to the people and maybe keep the wonder of the work close to your heart?
You are so right, Mario. It is one of the reasons I wanted a DMin, it is a practitioner degree. I have appreciated my husband’s university’s focus on him becoming a “scholar practitioner” as a PhD. I have also seen many pastors (educated and uneducated) who experienced significant church growth and lose touch with the people because of the demands of the organization. I can have the same happen because of the role I am in.
I constantly remind myself the Church IS people, not an organization. I regularly make sure I am having real conversations with people about their lives and actively listening to them. I also encourage pastors all the time to see the people and remember we don’t use people to get ministry growth, we use ministry to grow the people.
Tammy,
How insightful and delightful, you can truly turn a phrase! From now on, I am reading your insights of Bayard rather than reading him for my own. I loved your emphasis on humility and drawing in Paul’s admonition to us all. All of our current or projected knowledge acquisition will mean nothing if we do not love God more and his beloved Church! Your low-beam analogy was so practical and helpful. I will be mindful of this in the imagination work that lies before us. Thanks again, get some rest, and see you on Monday, H
Thank you, Tammy! I appreciate your thoughts on humility. I was reminded of the truth that humility is a friend of confidence – they go together. This has been difficult for me to understand and internalize. Humility is essential to so much good in life. Can you experience wonder without humility? I don’t think so. Therefore, humility is a friend, a partner, of wonder too. I like it!
What a wonderful piece of writing Tammy and great insight, I enjoyed reading it and I must say I read it with thoroughness. I too love the idea of humility in reading to get perspective and the low beam in fog to get your way through the fog. It is so easy to get lost in the fog of reading the contents of books and it helps to put on the low beam, to get yourself out.
Tammy, this is terrific. The analogy of low beam lights in the fog is nearly perfect for me as I strive to get through our stack of books. The precision of high beams will only blind me in the fog that is our stack of books. Truly brilliant. Thank you.
Thank you, Tammy, for the beautiful reminder of the character elements that should be guiding our journey. I pray for all of us as we embark on this adventure of study…may we also remember Jason’s charge to us to make “I wonder…” a permanent phrase in our common language. It seems this humble posture will inevitably keep us on the right path. Again, thank you for reminding us of what is most important.
Thank you, Tammy, for speaking to my condition. That exactly how I felt when I started reading the Bayard book. I tried several times throwing the book away thinking and asking myself whether I was the only one finding such a difficulty in trying to make sense out of the book. Thank you for sharing.