It All Makes So Much Sense Now (or I Think I’m Moving to Sweden)
Like David Livermore, I am fascinated by cultures and their differences. I love learning how different cultural values are lived out daily in the community as well as how they contrast with other cultures. Leading With Cultural Intelligence is like reading an encyclopedia or a dictionary in which I uncover new things that help me join the interlocking pieces of a huge puzzle. In particular, his chapter on understanding ten (10) cultural value dimensions held me riveted and focused. Not only did it help me understand interactions (and epic failures) I have had in other countries, but I had some amazing insights about my own family of origin and how we have been influenced by two (or more) cultures.
My maternal grandfather came to the U.S. from Sweden as a young boy and grew up in a home where he was not allowed to speak English in the house, and his mother held Swedish custom in, shall we say, enthusiastically high esteem. My maternal grandmother’s family is Welsh. My fraternal grandparents were Dutch (grandfather) and Irish (grandmother). I guess you could say there is a whole lot of stubborn in my lineage. We are rather proud of it, in fact. What I didn’t realize until I read Livermore’s book is that much of the way my family interacted with the surrounding culture (especially in my childhood) was heavily influenced by the cultural values of my heritage countries. I remember my dad’s mother talking about how community was more important than the individual in her Irish family, but I did not know that (generally) Swedish culture also values cooperation and community over competition (113). When I read that, the puzzle pieces started to click together. You know that individualism for which so many Americans are notorious? That just wasn’t a thing in our family. In fact, while personal achievements were important, we rarely accomplished anything on our own. It was understood that the entire family was ready to help and be a resource, be it for a term paper or changing the oil in a car. My friends thought it was weird that our family could make an event out of moving, painting a house, helping with a remodel, or printing the Sunday bulletins for church. We took every 
opportunity to be together, especially when something needed to be done. But it was more than that, we loved to just BE together. Sunday dinners were as much about sitting around napping in the same living room as they were about the food. That broken car that needed fixing was a great excuse for tacos and games when the work was done. According to Livermore, that “being over doing” thing is a Nordic trait too. (122) Sweet.
When my grandparents died, I noticed that the communal value became a shadow of what it had previously been. Livermore helped me see that part of the reason for this is that those who held the cultural values most dearly are no longer here to influence our path. We still make events out of everyday work with my parents and my children, but my siblings and their families don’t have the same longing for family community. The love of collaboration remains, but they have developed other communities with whom to party while painting. The whole thing makes me want to pick up my family and move to Sweden, where I can hopefully do a better job of fostering future generations focused on cooperation and quality of life.
Looking at culture through the lenses Livermore has provided gives me valuable insight for not only those trips abroad where cultural sensitivity is crucial, but also for how to navigate the growing diversity of cultures right here at home. In the next couple of weeks, we will be moving to a new apartment in an area of Portland with a higher Latinx concentration. What cultural cues can I take note of i
n order to be a better neighbor? How can I engage with sensitivity and graciousness? The same questions apply to the discussions I will be having with members of the African American community as I pursue my research about ways to amplify and support women of color in our city (and hopefully further). How can I lay aside some of my own cultural assumptions and attitudes in order to truly see and hear those with whom I engage? Because, let’s be real, most of us are not looking for better ways to do business in the global market. Rather, we are looking for ways to follow the “commandment” to love our neighbors as ourselves.
About the Author
Kristin Hamilton
12 responses to “It All Makes So Much Sense Now (or I Think I’m Moving to Sweden)”
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A really interesting insight into your family background Kristin and a good explanation of why you are so mixed up (hahaha). Understanding family of origin stuff is a big deal and it really does shape us strongly. My question is: Do you like meatballs and flatpack furniture?!
Every good Swede loves meatballs, Geoff! I do, however, draw the line at Lutefisk.
Also, I have made 3 trips to Ikea in the past week (one to pick up some of their yummy gluten free meatballs for dinner) and am on my way today to pick up some flatpack furniture for our new apartment. 🙂 Skoal…
“But it was more than that, we loved to just BE together. Sunday dinners were as much about sitting around napping in the same living room as they were about the food. ”
Kristin, I agree that there seems to be a sense of loss of something in our culture. Even though the book was more about business, I think as you say there were deeper principles that we can take away as Christians – what can we learn from other cultures? and how can we promote our ever more multi-cultural neighborhoods?
Really enjoyable post as usual!
Thank you Mary. I think that’s why the highlights of my trips to other countries has been the times we have spent around the table – those times are sacred.
I am intrigued how some ethnic groups hold onto their cultures, but others do not. For example, I have a friend from Serbia who is Slovak. His family immigrated to Serbia over 150 years ago. He and his wife are fluent in Serbian, but they speak Slovak at home. They go to a Slovak church in Serbia that is over 100 years old. The services are in Slovak. They are protestants, most Serbs are Orthodox. Also, most Slovaks in Serbia only marry other Slovaks.
On the other hand, the preacher of the African congregation that meets at our church freely transitions through Swahili, Kirundi, Kiniwanda, and English in his sermons. The children do not understand him. They speak English at school and to one another. They are losing their language skills in one generation.
I thought of this when you talked about your grandparents passing away. You might meet with your family to make a conscious decision to protect some of those traditions, lest they be lost.
It is interesting, Stu.
I am working with my kids to develop family meals again but, sadly, family dynamics with my brothers make it so that returning to the family table doesn’t happen often and it isn’t particularly healthy for me to do so. On the other hand, my children and their cousins have a beautiful bond that they keep going over text and snapchat even though they are in 4 different states. They don’t necessarily come to the same table, but they stay close.
Kristin, your research sounds powerful. I look forward to reading it. I also enjoyed hearing about your family. It reminded me of my past and current family. Growing up, Sundays were big meals, afternoon naps, and an evening movie with popcorn and soda. We have continued that tradition. We also just like hanging out together and going on outings as a family. We call it “hobnobbing”. It’s our word for just hanging out together having fun doing nothing significant and being silly. In your family culture, do you do anything fun and different?
I like the term “hobnobbing,” Jen! As my kids are developing families of their own, we are having to shift what it looks like to hang out together. It’s hard work, but I think it’s worth it.
Our fun traditions have shifted, but one fun thing that grew organically when my kids went off to college is that my husband and I built friendships with their friends. Now they come out to meals with us, go to pubs with us and, soon, they will be invited to meals at our new house! It’s like being the weird aunt and uncle to a bunch of young adults.
Hi Kristen,
Thanks for sharing our family heritage. Your point on the family traditions dimensioning through the generations is on point. The older generation had a lot of patience and socially, there weren’t quick solutions. Today’s generation, technology has introduced quick fix, instant gratification, and get it by touch (cell phone, tablets, etc.)
I missed having family dinners every month, but I was the only one cooking. Everyone else bought food. lol
One of the things I love, Lynda, is the way my kids use technology to maintain relationships even though they are far away from their cousins and friends. I am not as good at it, but it comes so naturally to them that, when they all get together at Christmas or other family celebrations, they keep the conversation right on flowing. I envy that.
Great post Kristen! “…the way my family interacted with the surrounding culture (especially in my childhood) was heavily influenced by the cultural values of my heritage countries.” This is part of what makes the United State great, everyone bringing and living out their culture in close proximity to other cultures. You are right, there is a growing diversity of cultures right here at home. I pray that it always be the case. Great post Kristen.
I hope so too, Jim. I was incredibly fortunate to grow up with many cultures around me because my grandparents invested in creating relationships with people from other countries and backgrounds. I want that for my future generations as well.