Real Solutions?
In an effort to solve social issues, countercultural movements have accidentally developed “solutions” that have actually created more social problems, according to authors Heath and Potter of Rebel Sell. The term rebel sell is defined as: ” It’s a sell that has been used not only to sell ordinary commercial goods, but also to sell a myth about the way that our culture works.” (330). The authors go on to argue that what societies need more of is rules, not less rules, as countercultural activists would clamor for. Less rules just leads to more social disorder and negatively affects society’s ability to create workable solutions for social issues.
For instance, feminists attempted to correct gender discrimination and oppression for females by eliminating the gender rules they believed were contributing to the oppression. In the process, they ended up creating confusion for both gender roles as to what was, or wasn’t acceptable behavior. Chivalry behavior, such as: opening doors for women, giving them their coats or hankies, paying for meals etc… communicated that women were helpless and needed caretaking. What became a gesture of good-will and respect became identified as oppressive behaviors towards women. Exasperated men resolved this conflict to be respectful to women by simply taking an indifferent approach of allowing women to care for themselves. They defined equality as “I look after myself, she looks after herself”(83).
It is my opinion this has contributed significantly to men’s indifference to the over-functioning of women’s roles, working within the home and outside the home. This is a regular point of contention with the couples I counsel. Instead of working within the system to make the changes needed to create equality for the genders, feminists attempted countercultural techniques by eliminating the current system and dubbing it “oppressive”, thus actually increasing the burden on women to do it all exclusively without the help of men. This could be a large contributing factor to the depression of women and need for psychotropic drugs in our society.
Not only has this created confusion for women and the roles they are to play in society to gain equal treatment and respect, the men are equally confused as to what is respectful and oppressive. Instead of creating equality, abolishing the system has created disorder, confusion, and instilled a fear in men of offending women. Ironically, this was played out at our last chat session when our instructor, Jason, commented on my hairstyle change, then asked, “Am I allowed to say that?” The confusion men experience in relating to women due to the feminist movement’s tactics to abolish the system saddens me. I frequently experience this when working with couples and the woman comments on my clothes, shoes, or hairstyle, and the man looks awkwardly at me than his wife, while his wife responds with reassuring statements of: “You can compliment her too”, or “There’s nothing wrong with telling her she looks nice”. I propose new societal rules: compliments, kind gestures, and respectful behavior that shows value for an individual should be taught, modeled, and encouraged. This is a valuable space for the Christian community to fill by clearly modeling and exemplifying equality and mutual respect for all people.
Ironically, the attempt to abolish culturally accepting systems by creating countercultural systems just ends up creating a new system with its’ own new set of problems and issues to oppose. Instead of abolishing systems with countercultural reforms, the authors propose working with the system to create enhancements and making peace with the masses. This does not mean losing your individuality, but rather allowing spaces for people to agree to disagree amicably; to be able to allow for differences in opinions, religious beliefs, and values, while adhering to a set of rules and social norms that create societal order. With this easier-said-than-done suggestion, the authors propose: “If we are going to figure out how to live in harmony in an increasingly populous world, the insistence on individuality at any cost is not a helpful point of departure. We need to start figuring out which compromises are inevitable and which can be avoided” (328). As individuals, societies, and institutions, it appears we have more to gain by picking our battles carefully and advocating for the common ground.
It would be ideal if our individual and national success did not come at the expense of the whole or the health of our planet. And we could make improvements in our capitalistic society that allowed all people and nations to benefit from our trade and consumerism while allowing for the freedom, creativity, and individuality so valued for societal improvements and the success of capitalism. And somehow we could influence a system that expressed value for others, impressed the importance of using freedom and creativity appropriately, and lived with self-restraint when needed for the welfare of others and our world. Achieving this utopia only further highlights our dire need for something greater than us to restore us to the lives of equality, generosity, and peaceful existence we were designed to live.
And for the record, men can open doors, pay for meals, give up their seats, and lend me their hankie all they want. I consider it respectful behavior and kind gestures towards women, and I’m teaching my son to be that kind of man.
About the Author
Jennifer Dean-Hill
9 responses to “Real Solutions?”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
You wouldn’t want to borrow my hankie on any day of the week, but I get your point Jennifer – and agree with it!
“Ironically, the attempt to abolish culturally accepting systems by creating countercultural systems just ends up creating a new system with its’ own new set of problems and issues” – absolutely! This is the new “intolerance of tolerance”. You have to two the line and believe and follow the new orthodoxy – or else. “We will not tolerate intolerance!”
And I like your new hairstyle as well!
* tow the line
Doh – toe the line!
I got there in the end!
On the struggle bus, but yes you did arrive!
Thanks Geoff
“I propose new societal rules: compliments, kind gestures, and respectful behavior that shows value for an individual should be taught, modeled, and encouraged. This is a valuable space for the Christian community to fill by clearly modeling and exemplifying equality and mutual respect for all people.”
Ok, Jen if you ran for office you’d have my vote!!
So, are we allowed to tell the men when we think they look like geeks?
Great one Mary! To tell or not to tell if they look like geeks. It depends…… do we want to help him or just let them figure it out through the laughs and stares?
On one condition will I take office, if you’ll serve with me.
Jen my husband and I have raised our son to be chivalrous at all times. His father is a great example for him to follow especially in how he not only treats me but all women. I see it as chivalry takes nothing away from my womanhood. If anything it honors it! That is the perspective we want to instill in our son and our godchildren.
Great insights, Jennifer. I remember my parents teaching us (my brother, sister & myself) to be mutually respectful of others. My sister & I were not taught something different than my brother. For instance, we were all taught that the first one to approach a door should hold it for everyone else, regardless of gender. Mutual respect for others was the standard.
I agree that the current societal rules and norms are not working right now; yet I hesitate to “blame the victim” (feminists) for the confusing state we’re in. I like your suggestion of “new societal rules: compliments, kind gestures, and respectful behavior that shows value for an individual should be taught, modeled, and encouraged. This is a valuable space for the Christian community to fill by clearly modeling and exemplifying equality and mutual respect for all people.” That seems like a good place to start.
Such a great example, Jen. Now add layers of purity culture and church gender role expectations to the mix and it’s no wonder that we are messed up. I totally get why women of the 60s and 70s chafed against what they saw as social expectations created for men to coddle women, but I think we can now move forward and view these as signs of respect for any person. (Just PLEASE, men, don’t walk by a woman you don’t know and tell her she needs to smile!)