Healthy Relationships Offset Consumerism
It is no secret that capitalistic societies have influenced a consumer mentality in churches and society. I appreciated the clear summary and strong points Miller addresses to the negative effects of consumerism and the impact this is having on society and religion. Although he offered some tactics to combat consumerism in his final chapters for the individual and community, I found myself longing for the solutions to be more culturally relevant and contextual in introducing people to a non-consuming, relational God.
In two areas I would like to offer a different perspective. Miller references the development of the therapeutic self, and although it is true, an over-emphasis on self has developed more narcissism and increased consumption, I do not think this has been the exclusive outcome of the development of the therapeutic self. Therapy can be a positive solution to counter the shame induced and fear-based religious teachings that have had a negative effect on the self-esteem of people and beliefs of God throughout history. Perhaps, if churches were teaching more about a loving and relational God, full of grace, respect, power and adventure, many would find themselves wandering into church instead of therapy or psychiatric offices to offset the destructive, negative teachings of an un-relational, patriarchal, punitive, God. With the three primary relationships of: God, self and others, it is not uncommon for churches to neglect the relationship with self. We cannot give what we do not have, and when we are substituting things for people, operating with self-contempt, isolating in shame, and unaware of un-forgiveness, I believe this has been a contributing factor in creating harsh, judgmental communities not living the Golden Rule or acting in love. If the therapeutic process involves all three of these primary relationships versus just an exclusive focus on self, an individual can have a healthy self-actualization process, an accurate perception of God, and become better equipped to love and relate to others successfully.
Secondly, Miller references “Sheliasms” which was named after a Shelia Larson, who grounded her faith in her inner voice, psychotherapy, and was uninfluenced by spiritual communities (Miller, 88 & 89). This is a typical client I service. Tragically, there is so much gender bias through marginalization and objectifying of women in the churches in my area, they struggle with emotional and spiritual stability. The healthy ones have had to: grieve, find alternate ways to worship, develop emotional and spiritual boundaries when attending church, or create other healthy church communities. Most of the women I have worked with do not want to leave the church and wrestle bravely to stay while keeping themselves safe and sane. They are trained not to complain, as it is “selfish”, and struggle to be respected or they leave like Shelia, opting for more accepting environments. It has been very rewarding assisting churches in cultivating nurturing cultures and helping women to establish healthy roles within their church.
It appears healthy relationships are essential to combating consumerism in our capitalistic societies so people are not replaced by things. In society and our churches, it would be refreshing if we placed more emphasis on living loving relationships full of mutuality, instruction on how to have healthy community in our relationships, and encouragement to have a healthy relationship with God and others without excluding a loving relationship with yourself.
About the Author
Jennifer Dean-Hill
9 responses to “Healthy Relationships Offset Consumerism”
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“Perhaps, if churches were teaching more about a loving and relational God, full of grace, respect, power and adventure, many would find themselves wandering into church instead of therapy or psychiatric offices…”
What a true statement. I must admit, I am not a fan of some of the popular preachers today whose sermons sound more like Tony Robbins than Charles Finney. Yet, your post reminds me that we live in an era where many have written off God as either unloving or irrelevant.
The key, as you have stated, is to preach and teach “grace.” Grace is meaningless if we are not sinners, unable to save ourselves. Yet, grace is the one thing that no other religion on this planet offers. It is unique to the Christian faith.
“It appears healthy relationships are essential to combating consumerism in our capitalistic societies so people are not replaced by things. In society and our churches, it would be refreshing if we placed more emphasis on living loving relationships full of mutuality, instruction on how to have healthy community in our relationships, and encouragement to have a healthy relationship with God and others without excluding a loving relationship with yourself.”
Totally agree with this powerful summary paragraph Jennifer! I think you have hit the nail on the head – you should be a therapist!
For me, genuine community, loving relationships, real people, is where it’s at. That’s one of the reasons, I think, that I feel so allergic to social media.
Great post.
Jen, thank you so much for bringing some balance into the discussion!!
Miller himself would not advocate getting too “spiritual” on the topic but be more practical.
It is easy to think about ideals, but your work is where the rubber meets the road with broken people who really want the community.
I was going to highlight the quotes bros. Stu and Geoff highlighted, but they did such a good job I’ll pick another.
“Most of the women I have worked with do not want to leave the church and wrestle bravely to stay while keeping themselves safe and sane. ”
One idea we all seem to have hit upon – community. It is important, so how can we help the marginalized to share in community having healthy relationships with God, others, and yes, ourselves?
Great question Mary. One of the things we promote at our church plant is that you belong no matter who you are (unless, of course, they compromise the safety of the community). This is an equalizing and simple concept to express each Sunday so people can know they have nothing to prove or earn. We also are very intentional about using men and women in all our on-stage activities to show we value both genders and resist typical gender roles. I think it just takes intentional planning and desire to make the marginalized included and valued.
“Miller references the development of the therapeutic self, and although it is true, an over-emphasis on self has developed more narcissism and increased consumption…” Jen I agree! I think that we run a huge danger when we continue to place ourselves, needs, desires, etc. at the center of our lives. There is definitely a balance. Self care is necessary but it is not the only important piece to our life puzzle. Balance includes acquiring and maintaining genuine and meaningful relationship.
Great Post Jen! 🙂
I want to unfortunately and completely agree with your second point, Jennifer. It’s frustrating to see churches that do not acknowledge the full humanity of women; and thus, many women seek that elsewhere.
Re: your first point, I think it’s true that most aspects of consumerism have both positive effects and negative consequences. My experience, though, is that churches tend to spend most of their time talking about how God heals my brokenness. Wow, that’s important, but that’s certainly not all that God is about. (I think about all the “me and Jesus” songs we sing).
Yes I think focusing on our brokenness is a way to indulge in being a victim versus walking in our faith and hope. II Tim 4:7 comes to mind when we’ve been promised power, love, and discipline. I like when we give people a hope, vision or a promise-land to move towards when coupled with the knowledge of our brokenness and our need for a Savior.
Thank you for your perspective, Jen. It is so important to hear your input on this. I was bothered by Miller’s insinuation that the therapeutic self can lead to narcissism and that listening to “self” is somehow selfish (at least that is how I received his ideas). Denial of self and that inner voice, in my opinion, has actually fueled the consumerism that is designed to drown out the inner pain we suppress. Exploring the therapeutic self has helped me see those places where I hide behind consuming.
Thank you for reminding me of that.
Well-said Kristin! What I heard Miller say was what I hear a from many Christians who misinterpret therapy and a healthy relationship with yourself. And yes, a disconnected relationship does fuel consumerism and becomes an addiction as we seek to numb the pain through things.