Leading from Within
Introduction
It started on a quiet morning walk.
I was tired. Not just physically, but soul-tired. Leading a team I deeply cared about, carrying the weight of decisions, expectations, and a growing sense that I was slowly disappearing behind a mask of competence. I remember pausing under a line of old trees, asking myself a question I hadn’t made space for in a long time: What’s actually leading me right now?
The deeper I journey into the study and practice of leadership, the more I realize that leading others begins with leading myself. That morning was one of many small awakenings in a much longer path.
Voices like Edwin Friedman’s call to self-differentiated leadership and Simon Walker’s vision of undefended leadership have both challenged and comforted me. They haven’t just shaped how I think about leadership; they’ve touched on something at the level of identity.
As I’ve integrated these insights with my own story, faith, and patterns of leading, I’ve started to notice a shift. I’m less drawn to leading from proving, performing, or pleasing, and more compelled by something quieter and more transformational. Leadership, at its best, is its own ministry of presence because it is about the soul.
This reflection is a kind of map, tracing some of the inner thresholds I’ve crossed, and a few others I’m still approaching.
Inner Vulnerability and the Courage to Be Seen
The first threshold was realizing the emotional cost of authenticity. I experienced this recently when I wrote a blog post for Healing Leadership Trauma, where, for the first time, I shared my full personal story in writing. Though I’d shared parts of my testimony before in smaller groups, this public expression felt different. It was risky. It was exposing. It felt like stepping out onto a ledge. Walker would call this an act of undefended leadership, one that leads not from a polished ego but from the true self.[1] And it was in that vulnerable space that I found my voice.
But that voice doesn’t always feel safe. In my professional and personal life, I often carry anxiety, some of it from trauma, some from past job wounds, and some from internal narratives telling me I’m not enough. I continue to manage this by being self-aware of how my communication lands with others, and careful not to appear arrogant or underconfident. Edwin Friedman would say this reveals an emotional fusion with the system, a form of over-functioning that steals clarity.[2] But I’m learning. Learning to pause. To assess. And to hold firm when I believe something is right, even if others don’t see it yet.
Self-Differentiation, Conviction, and Moral Clarity
Friedman’s framework of leadership in anxious systems continues to teach me about the power of conviction. Consensus, while beneficial, is not always the ultimate goal. Sometimes, the leader must stand alone in moral clarity for the right reason. One key area of growth for me has been embracing the idea that leadership is not always about being liked; it’s about being faithful. The daughter of a self-proclaimed people pleaser, my mother often laments her “disease to please,” which is rooted in trauma. When I encounter pushback, whether from outdated systems or confident voices who are, frankly, “full of it,” I remind myself that my authenticity matters, and so does diplomacy. I have begun to lead with a deeper trust in my internal compass. Self-assessing my thinking, checking it against values, and then moving forward. That said, this quality does not come naturally. There are still many days when I feel underqualified, especially in my newish role as an operations director.
Soul Thresholds and the Ethics of Fundraising
One of the most significant recent threshold crossings I have experienced is my shift in values regarding philanthropy. After decades in the fundraising profession, I now find myself rethinking the very system I helped build. I’ve come to believe that people are worth more than charity. Our nonprofit sector, though often well-intentioned, has created co-dependent cycles that unintentionally reinforce the very conditions it aims to address. Increasingly, I find myself advocating for models rooted in dignity, mutual benefit, openness, bottom-up empowerment, and the self-actualization of those we serve.
This conviction has also reshaped my perspective on innovation. While I deeply believe in diversifying nonprofit revenue models through social enterprise, I have never personally launched one. Yet I continue to speak about the need for innovation, not from experience, but because the current system, built on dependency and scarcity, is unsustainable. That, too, is a form of self-differentiation: leading not from expertise, but from principle.
This isn’t just a policy shift; it is a spiritual one. There will always be poverty. But people in crisis deserve more than a handout; they deserve the opportunity to flourish. And if I am unwilling to say that aloud simply because I haven’t personally launched a social enterprise, then maybe I’m not practicing what I preach. Walker reminds me that the undefended leader doesn’t need to be the expert; they simply need to be present, honest, and willing to invite others into a more courageous future.[3]
The Evolution of My Leadership Identity
A direct result of the lessons of the Doctor of Leadership in Global Perspectives program and my increased understanding of Christ, my leadership identity is no longer built on external validation. Intellectually, I’ve learned to assess my own thinking, to identify credible sources, and to pursue diverse perspectives, not to win debates, but to understand people. Emotionally, I’ve become more attuned to my triggers and more aware of when I’m performing versus when I’m showing up as myself. Spiritually, I’ve come to understand that engagement is not the same as endorsement, and that my presence in challenging situations is sometimes the clearest representation of Jesus that someone may ever encounter.
Friedman’s clarity, Walker’s vulnerability, and my own walk of faith are converging into a more whole and grounded version of leadership, one that listens deeply, discerns carefully, and acts with conviction.
New Thresholds Ahead
I sense that my next level of growth will be stepping into courageous leadership in new environments where I lack deep experience. It’s not easy to speak boldly about ideas I haven’t fully practiced, but if I wait until I’ve mastered them, I’ll never lead. This season is calling me to live what I believe: that conviction is a valid form of leadership, and that vision rooted in dignity and truth can lead even before the proof arrives.
Practically, I’ve also learned to manage my presence and energy better. I discovered that switching between back-to-back meetings and production work erodes my effectiveness. I now intentionally protect space for focused contribution, knowing that presence, not pace, defines my impact.
Conclusion
Leadership formation is not about image, but rather integration. I am learning to lead from the fullness of my whole self: intellectually humble, emotionally aware, and spiritually grounded. I am learning to be proud of my authenticity, rather than apologizing for it. And I am committed to going where others won’t, into prisons, into poverty, into broken systems, because that’s where the margins meet the soul of leadership.
More than anything, I want to lead with presence, not pretense. With courage, not consensus. And with a truth that transforms from the inside out.
[1] Walker, Simon P. The Undefended Leader. Carlisle: Piquant, 2010. P.22.
[2] Friedman, Edwin H., Margaret M. Treadwell, and Edward W. Beal. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. 10th anniversary revised edition. New York: Church Publishing, 2017. P. 14.
[3] Walker, Simon P. The Undefended Leader. Carlisle: Piquant, 2010.
About the Author
Jennifer Eckert
Operations and fundraising director, people connector, believer in second chances, fights poverty, supports justice reform, lives a life integrated with Matthew 25. I help people flourish through systems of empowerment.17 responses to “Leading from Within”
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Jennifer,
I have enjoyed reading your post and getting to know you over the past couple years. Thank you for sharing your passions with us and being vulnerable. If you were to launch a non-profit, what mission/vison would you see your organization pursuing?
Thank you, Jeff. I have thoroughly enjoyed learning from you and about your career. I’m grateful for your question, too. Off the cuff, I would have to give serious thought to whether I’d launch a non-profit or a for-profit enterprise. I know not everything can be monetized, but my paradigm shift in my career is geared more on helping people by creating pathways for them to flourish through personal empowerment and skills. I believe dignity is so important and while charity holds a vital place in disasters and emergency response needs, longterm supports requires a different way of thinking and operating to avoid perpetuating co-dependent systems.
Hi Jennifer,
I have always enjoyed reading your blogs. This will be my last question for you. How do you interpret “presence as ministry” in your leadership practice?
Thank you, Shela. I appreciate the chance to learn alongside you. For me, ministry of presence means simply being there. Showing up and being fully present mentally and spiritually. It has less to do with strategy and expertise, though those factors do play a part, especially in counsel to others.
Jennifer (Jen), your shift from performing to leading with presence is powerful. As you step into new arenas where conviction leads before mastery, which inner practice do you believe will most sustain your authenticity and courage? Congratulations on completing your final blog, wow what a journey.
Thank you, brother. What a blessed journey to learn from and alongside you. Holding authenticity and courage means I will need to be mindful to pause before I speak to ensure my thoughts/words are grounded in what is true. It also means I will have to be okay with unfavorable responses, should that happen.
I believe it is author Lee Strobel who said, “Faith is taking a step in the same direction that the evidence is pointing.”
I’m grateful for you!
Jennifer,
What a journey it has been with you. I remember spending some time with you in Oxford, both of us feeling out of place and yet both of us have grown into the leaders we are now. When I met you I was surprised by your height 🙂 but what you lacked in height you made up for in charisma and passion. You entered into this program to dive in deeper with Jesus. Yet, you are leaving the program with a deeper love for Jesus, and a powerful role in advocating for those whom our society often largely neglects or forgets. When I think of you, I think of Oklahoma and how much the depths of that state are deep within you. You have a passion for remembering your history and where you have come from. Don’t forget that. It truly has been a pleasure to learn alongside you.
Oh man, reading this is the first time I’m feeling a bit of a knot in my throat. I’m beyond grateful that God pulled together THIS peer group. Out of anyone, He knew who we needed at our sides on the journey. I’m humbled and deeply appreciative.
Jen, it’s been wonderful to be on this journey with you. You have made big changes in your career but the biggest transformation has been your presence. I see confidence and compassion, rising together, that creates a powerful yet humble posture.
Blessing you in the next leg of your journey.
Thank you, Graham. I will continue to think of you as the visual of non-anxious presence (although you have shared that you are perhaps more anxious than you let on). Your steadiness allows people to feel safe and to know you are a trusted source to turn to when counsel is needed. It has been a privilege to learn from you.
Hi Jennifer, Thank you for this strong blog. I see you and your personal power emanating forth from it. The ‘power’ in view is the deployment of God’s gifts in you for the purpose of others. I appreciate you and am cheering for you. I bless you with the confidence to remain authentically yourself.
Hi Julie,
Thank you for your thoughtful note. I appreciate your willingness to lend an ear during a challenging season as I wrestled with God over a family matter. Guess who won? Praise and glory to Him who grows us stronger when we let go of ourselves and lean into Him. I am grateful for the chance to walk this journey alongside you; I will be cheering you on as well.
Hey Jennifer,
Thank you for sharing this. I really admired the way you paused under those old trees and asked, “What’s actually leading me right now?” That’s such an honest question—one most of us don’t slow down long enough to ask.
I really appreciated your honesty about the anxiety you carry and how you’re learning to pause, get your bearings, and stand your ground when you need to. The way you described that tension felt real and relatable. And your shift in how you view philanthropy was such an important insight. The way you’re naming dignity, mutual benefit, and empowerment shows a willingness to rethink things that most people never question.
Your description of growing intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually was also meaningful—especially the distinction between performing and showing up as your true self.
But your final sentence captured something important:
“And I am committed to going where others won’t, into prisons, into poverty, into broken systems, because that’s where the margins meet the soul of leadership.”
That line carries weight. It reflects not only what you believe but where you’re choosing to stand.
It has been a privilege to be in this cohort with you.
Aww, thank you so much, Dr. Burns. I have learned so much from you and Kari, and am immensely grateful for your faithful walk with Jesus in a place that can seem as challenging as perhaps the marginalized communities I operate in. I am inspired by your self-differentiation and courage — yes, very much your courage. You are authentic, and people see that. It’s a gift to know you, and I look forward to seeing you sometime in Mauritania. Bless you, dear sister in Christ.
My dear friend, it has been an immense joy to walk this journey beside you, the other female sojourner, in our amazing peer group! I have treasured our calls, talks, walks, and moments together. I have watched you let God transform you into the leader you are– one that does “lead with presence, not pretense. With courage, not consensus. And with a truth that transforms from the inside out.” Thank you for being a voice for the vulnerable, a friend to the forgotten, and someone who follows Jesus without restraint.
Dear Jennifer, I struggle with some of the same issues you name, primarily external validation. Though, by the grace of God, I’m getting a bit better at it. Maybe. 😉
You have the wonderful gift of being able to hear everyone and be open to everyone. I don’t know if that’s hard for you now or not, but I have learned a lot from you in that regard. Thank you for being a great role model!
I will miss you and your gracious presence. Let’s stay in touch!
God bless.
jennifer, It has been such an honor to be in this cohort with you. I have learned much by listening to your heart coming through your ideas. Thank you for helping me grow alongside you. I also admire your courage from the first time you walked into a prison ministry to now being blessed by it. Thank you for your witness.