Decreasing the Anxiety Through Worship and Exploring Nature
In The Anxious Generation Jonathan Haidt writes “My central claim in this book is that two trends—overprotection in the real world and underprotection in the virtual world—are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.”[1] Reflecting upon Haidt’s statements I realize that my wife and I are not perfect parents, but we could have done worse in raising our four Gen Z children.[2]
Paul in his first letter to Timothy gives qualifications for being an overseer in the church. He writes “He must manage his own family well and that that his children obey him with proper respect.[3] Allow me to focus on some ways I believe I have managed my family well through spiritual practices, instilling in them some protective factors against the world’s anxiety I will then briefly discuss my underparenting and then finish by discussing some progress that is being made with Haidt’s suggested interventions.
Spiritual Practices
We made spiritual practices a fun part of our family life. Haidt discusses six spiritual practices that people have lost because of their connection to the digital world
- Shared Sacredness,
- Embodiment,
- Stillness, Silence and Focus
- Transcending the Self
- Be Slow to Anger, Quick to Forgive
- Find Awe in Nature. [4]
Being active in a church community we maintain the first two, Shared Sacredness (worshipping together as a community) and Embodiment (engaging our bodies in worship through song and dance). [5] Our kids loved going to church on Sundays and one to two different Vacation Bible Schools (VBS) each summer. VBS and children’s church involved lots of song and dance. Our kids were also able to form multi-generational relationships with our church members. Those relationships include respect along with som
e friendly bantering.
Because of whom my parents were/are, I believe we have excelled at the sixth spiritual practice Haidt mentions, “Find Awe in Nature.”[6] Haidt discusses the need for more real-world play. He encourages schools and communities to build adventure playgrounds including nature playgrounds.[7] Fortunately, my children love the outdoors, love being in nature, and see it as one giant playground. They enjoyed our family’s weeklong primitive camping trips and the hundreds of hiking and biking adventures that we did. In the summer we walked along the road collecting monarch eggs and milkweed caterpillars to raise to adulthood. They loved looking for and picking up/holding snakes, salamanders, frogs, and turtles and did not mind the musk or urine deposited upon their hands. My kids look at nature and stand in awe of who God is.
Always Room for Improvement
I could continue to brag about my great parenting, but I will take a moment to be honest and say that we are guilty of underparenting in the virtual world. While none of my kids had a cell phone prior to age 16, once they had them, we were lax on monitoring what they accessed and the amount of time they spent on them. They all have commented over the years that they feel they spend too much time on their phones. Hopefully, when/if they have kids, they can take Haidt’s suggestions and do better than I did. Reading Haidt’s suggestions for giving kids some real-world experiences, I would suggest that we are also guilty of being overprotective, especially my daughters. I could write a whole post about my overprotectiveness and other parenting mistakes. I often tell my kids that I hope that my wife and I did not damage them too much with our parenting.
INTERVENTIONS
While Haidt paints a somewhat depressing picture of Gen Z and how technology has impacted them, he does give suggestions for government, schools, and parents. He offers what he would call four foundational reforms.
- “No smartphones before high school. Parents should delay children’s entry into round-the-clock internet access by giving them only basic phones before ninth grade.
- No social media before 16.
- Phone free schools
- Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence.”[8]
I want to finish by discussing the progress that is being made in two of them.
Cell Phone Policy for schools
In 2024 Ohio legislators passed a law stating that by July 1, 2025, all school districts in the state must have a policy in place regarding student cell phone usage during the school day.[9] The Associated Press reports that seven other states have similar laws.[10] The State of Ohio reports that “Schools that have successfully implemented policies prohibiting the use of cell phones report that students are talking, interacting, laughing, and enjoying themselves.”[11] Wow! Students are engaging in real world interactions and actually having fun.
Limited Access to some sites based on age.
The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) states that in 2024 “nearly half of U.S. states passed laws imposing age verification requirements on online platforms.”[12] These laws involved limiting access to sexual material, social media, or anything deemed harmful to a minor. The EFF opposes these bills suggesting that not only do they violate free speech but put the child’s privacy at risk. Regarding access specifically to pornography websites, as of January 1st, the pornography website PornHub was blocked in 17 states that now have age verification laws[1
3]. The Supreme Court began to hear oral arguments on January 15th about whether this is a violation of free speech.[14]
It is my hope that the Supreme Court, state and federal legislators will see and understand what unlimited access to smartphones is doing to our children and take steps to improve their real-world interaction and decrease their virtual world interactions. In closing, let me ask, when was the last time you sat on a playground swing or went down a slide? If we want our kids, or grandkids to play and have fun, maybe we also need to put down our own phones and show them how it’s done.
[1] Haidt, 9.
[2] Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, (New York, NY: Penguin Press, 2024).
[3] I Timothy 3:4 (NIV).
[4] Haidt, 202-215.
[5] Haidt, 202, 204.
[6] Haidt, 212.
[7] Haidt, 258-260.
[8] Haidt, 15.
[9] Ohio Department of Education & Workforce, “Cell Phone in Ohio Schools,” Accessed January 23, 2025, Chttps://education.ohio.gov/Topics/Student-Supports/School-Wellness/Cell-Phones-in-Ohio-Schools
[10] ANDREW DeMILLO, “Banning cellphones in schools gains popularity in red and blue states,” Associated Press, January 16, 2025, https://www.msn.com/en-us/politics/government/banning-cellphones-in-schools-gains-popularity-in-red-and-blue-states/ar-AA1xi04s?ocid=BingNewsSerp
[11] Ohio Department of Education & Workforce.
[12] Molly Buckley, “Fighting Online ID Mandates: 2024 In Review,” Electronic Frontier Foundation, December 31, 2024. https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/12/effs-2024-battle-against-online-age-verification-defending-youth-privacy-and-free.
[13] C.A. Bridges, “Pornhub, other adult sites block Florida access as age verification law takes effect. What is a VPN?,” USA Today, January 2, 2025. https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/2025/01/01/pornhub-adult-sites-block-florida-age-verification-law-vpn/77379650007/
[14] Devin Dwyer, “Supreme Court hears porn sites’ bid to strike down online age-verification laws,” ABC News, January 15, 2025, https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/supreme-court-hears-porn-sites-bid-strike-online/story?id=117439757.
About the Author
Jeff Styer
Jeff Styer lives in Northeast Ohio's Amish Country. He has degrees in Social Work and Psychology and currently works as a professor of social work at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. Jeff is married to his wife, Veronica, 25+ years. Together they have 4 beautiful children (to be honest, Jeff has 4 kids, Veronica says she is raising 5). Jeff loves the outdoors, including biking, hiking, camping, birding, and recently picked up disc golf.14 responses to “Decreasing the Anxiety Through Worship and Exploring Nature”
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Jeff, I love that you shared about your experience parenting Gen Z kids. Well done, to you and your wife for embracing creative play and allowing them to take risks (i.e. Miriam holding the snake!). Thanks for sharing the statistics about the improvement Ohio is seeing through prohibiting cell phone use. As an educator and a parent, what advice would you give to someone like me, a non-parent but a very active aunt figure in the lives many kids, in implementing some of these nuggets?
PS I was also convinced of the need to put my phone down more, too!
Kari,
You are in an interesting position being in Africa where I am guessing you use tech to stay connected. I think there are ways that you can use some tech including a smartphone if they are old enough to have one that encourages a deeper relationship than just texting back and forth.
Depending on the age of your niece(s) and/or nephew(s) I might encourage them to email you versus using a smartphone app to message you. When we use various apps to communicate, we sometimes expect immediate responses believing that people are attached to their phones. With email, I expect a delayed response, thus increasing my patience. I think in your email responses you could challenge them to do things that do not involve tech. Send them on a scavenger hunt and ask them to describe the adventure to you in their next email.
If the kids are older you can incorporate their tech into your relationship. There are websites such as Jackbox that you can play games on using a computer and/or smartphone that allow you to have fun together. You could also ask to be part of a family dinner, where someone puts you on speaker phone while they are eating dinner and you are part of the conversation. My older daughter does that frequently as she lives out of state.
I would have completely different ideas if you lived in the states and were seeing them in person such as them coming to your house. I would encourage your house being a smartphone free area when people are visiting. Engaging in board and card games together or getting out in nature would be things to do to keep them off devices.
Jeff,
Yes, I love going on swings. Actually, I went on a huge tree swing in the Fall that allowed me to go about 20′ high. That was until the rope snapped and I fell hard to the ground, giving myself a mild concussion. Aside from that, I do love being outdoors and am just about to take a 0 degree hour long walk in the snow. Being outside changes us. Technology keeps developing at such a high rate that there is a constant bombardment of it. I wonder how VR headsets will shape things? Will kids feel like they are actually playing and actually taking risks but without the risk being embodied? Is that even possible? One thing I love about Minnesota is that we have tons and tons of parks. Minnesotans are not afraid to go outside and play and this is a wonderful thing.
Adam,
As a kid, I had a rope swing break on me twice but love rope swings. Been to Boundary Waters once, loved it, I called it my conciliation vacation after postponing my wedding for a year. I went with a Young Life group back in 1997, would love to go back.
You pose a great question about VR. There may be some psychological benefits to VR outdoor activities. As I was typing this I considered if VR would possibly help in treating Seasonal Affective Disorder. I found an article on VR Fitness Insider’s website. They still suggest actually going outside. According to a link on the website it appears there are some “fitness” VR games, but following that link, there are several I wouldn’t want kids to play, like the drunken bar fight game. So, I still question the physical health benefits of kids doing virtual VR play. In my opinion when it comes to many of life’s experiences, there is no substitute for the real thing.
By the way, last weekend on a family get away to a state park, I went headfirst down a snow-covered twisty slide. Some people never grow up.
https://www.vrfitnessinsider.com/use-vr-to-combat-seasonal-affective-disorder-with-a-self-care-plan/
Hi Jeff,
As a parent and as an educator, what challenges have you faced in balancing overprotectiveness and underparenting in the virtual world, and how have you addressed them?
Shela,
As a parent, following through on checking my kids social media accounts has been tough. I seldom get on social media myself so I did not take the time I probably should have to follow them. In regards to overprotecting, we actually were talking about this the other night. My kids were all required to put Life360 on their phone so we could track them. My older son said he would at times shut his phone off so that we were not able to track him. I think the kids felt that was being overprotective. However, we have not forced any of them to keep it on their devices after graduating from high school.
As an educator I don’t really think about overprotecting students or underparenting them. However, there are struggles we face. How much tech to we encourage in the classroom. One of my colleagues has students all take notes by hand, no computers in the classroom. We are finding that students don’t read their emails, but I also don’t want to use my personal phone to text them. We are trying to figure out AI use right how. How do we encourage students to use AI appropriately, while also protecting their personal information or their academic work.
Thanks for your honest assessment Jeff. On a personal level, how do you think you and your wife have been impacted by cellphones? And how might that also have impacted your children?
Debbie,
My wife was upset with me when I forced her from her slider phone to a smartphone back in 2018. We switched to a different cell carrier and had to upgrade unless we wanted flip phones. My wife likes to listen to audiobooks while working and some podcasts. When her mom was in the nursing home she hated having to sleep with her cellphone and having to carry it with her everywhere she went. Overall, for her, I think the cellphone is a love-hate relationship. I have enjoyed the cellphone but also hate that society essentially forces us to have one with things such as two-factor authentication. I don’t take mine to church on Sundays. We have both been guilty of spending too much time on our phones, scrolling through stupid videos. I’m sure it has impacted our relationship in some ways. So knowing this it makes us look like the pot calling the kettle black when we get on our kids about their cell phone habits. Overall, we have talked about our over usage of phones as a family. I think my kids are on them to fight boredom. They still read, play games, have great conversations, go for walks, etc. But it is an easy go to when their bored, especially since we do not have cable tv or streaming services. They go through stages where they delete some of the social media apps. Overall, I’m not sure if my wife and my usage of cellphones has impacted them. That really is a great question.
Hi Jeff, I appreciate your concluding question. It has been years since I went on a swing or down a slide! Although I am not a parent, I can empathize with many parents’ fears and their desire to overprotect. What do you think parents need to feel more confident in allowing their children more real-world experiences?
Elysse,
I went down a snow-covered twisty slide headfirst last Saturday. It was great. I also have had the urge to put on my boots and find a creek to walk in and break the ice. Used to love doing that every winter as a kid.
On to your question.
I think parents need to realize that despite the news, the world is not as dangerous as we believe. Media portrays the extremes and seldom the everyday reality. So we develop false beliefs that our kids will be kidnapped if we don’t keep an eye on them 24/7.
I think parents need to understand how resilient kids can be. Even if something goes wrong, kids have great survival instincts and bounce back well from injury.
I’ll be honest, I watch my Amish neighbor kids walking to and from school by themselves (of course there can be 5 or more of them from the same family walking together) and I will criticize them for allowing kids as young as 6 walk down a busy road without parental supervision and at the same time envy the fact that they feel safe enough, trust God enough to allow their kids to do that.
That is the other piece that parents need. Our children do not belong to us, they are God’s, and he is ultimately in control of their lives. Yes, we are responsible to be good parents, but I think part of that is trusting that God is still sovereign.
Go find a swing or a slide! See what emotions and memories are released.
Hey Jeff! Thanks for sharing and giving us the highs and lows of digitally parenting. There are so many forces to contend with on the digital sphere. I know your NPO concentrates on another unhealthy and sinful distraction which leads to the question; have you noticed any correlation in rising numbers within your NPO context since screen time is so prevalent amongst the anxious generation?
Daren,
Yes, most research would suggest that the ability to carry the internet with us 24/7 has greatly increased the number of people using pornography. The access to unrestricted phones at an early age also lowers the age of first exposure. I commented to someone else that until the last few years it was not uncommon to find pornography magazines along the roadside, that was actually how my first exposure occurred as a 6th grader. The Amish kids would drop them along the side of the road allowing other Amish kids to pick them up. Now that the Amish Bishops, depending on which Amish sect you are part of, allows their members to own smartphones, I no longer find the magazines. They kids are now accessing the pornography from their phones. And anything related to sex is pretty much not talked about within an Amish household.
Jeff, thanks for sharing your child-raising years. Our kids played a lot. We would often “kick them outside,” even in cold weather, to go and play. I would also spend lots of time playing with them. Even that felt like unsupervised play (LOL). We did some crazy and fun things together.
After reading this book and Robot Souls, what additional technology challenges do you think parents might face in the future?
Graham,
My wife says she has 5 kids and I only have 4, so I understand your unsupervised play comment.
The answer to your question will depend greatly on if any legislation gets passed to help parents curb the amount and type of access kids have. As we move toward every home having internet access and every school aged kid having a Chromebook or other laptop, I think parents will continue to struggle pulling their kids away from technology. I think parents will also struggle with ensuring their kids are developing healthy relationships with other kids and not some sort of chatbot/robot. A chatbot will tell a kid what it wants to hear, no arguments, no judgements etc. Why engage with anyone else?