Gold chicken nugget – Remain in His Love
It has been uncanny how many areas of my life have been overlapping. The concepts from Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders Through Coaching[1] have been contemplated on in both my work and my personal life. Therefore, I will be talking a whole lot about myself more than I normally feel comfortable with. I work for an organization that has had major growth and the accompanying growth pains. Leadership has changed so often and so quickly that is impossible to find a stability. My position is one in which the site leader and I are next to each other in leadership of the team. In the two years I have been there I have had seven different leaders I have worked with. The constant change has put me in positions of having to cover many areas that are beyond my role and I have had a hard time keeping boundaries. Just as I had built relationship and trust, there was a turnover and I was struggling with my deep insecurities of not doing enough or not measuring up. This fueled my overworking, my lack of self-care and my frustration with not hearing from the Spirit. We recently hired a head chaplain who has started coaching me in the last two months. With wisdom he has gently pointed out the harm of my behavior and given me permission to rest, reflect and set boundaries. This perfectly timed class and reading shows me the Holy Spirit’s voice that has been there all along.
Camacho’s book is simple yet profound, reminding me of the truths of kingdom leadership. I am taking the time to keep the healthy boundaries that “are the atmosphere of love and the context in which real relational thriving can take place.” (Camacho 2019, 102) It is impossible to live in my sweet spot without healthy boundaries, they keeps me emotionally safe (Camacho 2019, 20). Instead of trying to measure up to my delusion of what I thought my leaders expected, I can bring the strength of who I am to my work. I have often viewed God as the disappointed task master with demanding expectations that I can never accomplish. I project this unto my leaders. Functioning in my identity in Christ and sitting in his love is something I must consciously remember to do because it is not my default and I’m too busy doing the things to try and gain his love and acceptance of me. I, also, want to be the coaching leader Camacho speaks off, who is not self-focused but leads others in the freedom to be themselves.
My family, my small Pentecostal church and the working-class neighborhood I grew up in created an atmosphere where who I was, was not acceptable. I was loud, creative and had endless energy. I was blunt and honest. I had a huge heart for the marginalized and hung out with the broken rebels. I was boy crazy and loved dance. I was a natural leader and a female. I was everything a good Christian girl should not be and my family was sure to put me in my proper place. When you grow up under this suppression of being yourself, you feel like something is wrong with you and wonder why God wired me this way, give me these passions and had me bear such strange fruit (Camacho 2019, 86-90). Being freed to be the way God has made me to be takes a lot of rooting out of the lies and standing strong in the truth of God’s design for me. Coaching has truly kept me on track to healthy leadership. If you have preserved to this point, reading through my self-reflective babbling, I appreciate your steadfastness and patience!
[1]Camacho, Tom. Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders Through Coaching. La Vergne: Inter-Varsity Press, 2019.
About the Author
Jess Bashioum
4 responses to “Gold chicken nugget – Remain in His Love”
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Jess, I love your honesty and authenticity. I admire your journey of being determined to function in your identity in Christ and sitting in His love. That has to be a foundation that enables many of us to remain as leaders despite tumultuous times.
I also deeply admire your childhood journey of determination and commitment to journey your way and not conform without significant explanation!
Thank you Betsy for the kind words.
I love how you navigate as a leader with determination and care for the churches. It is so refreshing to see a pastoring and disciplining mission that has become core to your ministry.
Jess, You have faced some real instability in your work environment these last two years. I appreciated the connection you made between the losing relationships and trust with the turnover of leaders and the overwork and lack of boundaries you took on to cover that vulnerability. The chaplain is a gift.
What do the boundaries look like that you are implementing?
The main boundary I’m trying to keep is time. I consistently overwork. My motivation is often to feel like I’m good enough, that I’m doing my part. The needs are also very high, but that will always be true and I can’t possible meet them all. What boundaries have you found hard to keep?