Who To Become When You Really Don’t Know What’s Coming
Praxis leaders[1] Dave Blanchard and Andy Crouch presented a webinar in the Summer of 2020 called, “Leading Without a Forecast: What to Do When You Really Don’t Know What’s Coming,”[2] on the heels of their timely article, “Leading Beyond the Blizzard: Why Every Organization is Now a Startup.”[3] In their introduction, Andy tells the story of the team who presented the meteorologist forecast to the staff of allied powers during World War II. The generals were very concerned about the weather and wanted to know the forecast two weeks in advance but realized how difficult this would be. The meteorologist team realized their reports were incredibly inaccurate and relayed this to the staff of generals. In response, the generals sent a message back to the meteorologist team saying, “Please continue your inaccurate two-week forecasts because they are absolutely essential for our planning.” Andy Crouch admits to the absurdity of the story as if they were saying, “It doesn’t really matter! We just need something to plan against.” As I read Annabel Beerel’s book, Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories, I have the sense that her work is one of prediction based on a thorough understanding of cultural change in the face of its unpredictability. Might she be saying between the lines, “If what I am predicting is inaccurate, it doesn’t really matter–leaders just need something to plan against?” And in this case the planning is for a leader’s ability to transcend themselves, their skills, and their ego.[4]
Dr. Beerel is a highly capable and experienced international leader who specializes in leadership and ethics: She is an expert on looking back at leadership theories and looking forward to what leaders need now, based on her comprehensive examination. Her book provides a detailed review of the key leadership theories and skills required during times of crises and radical uncertainty, how these can be developed, and how they can be applied in practice.
Skills Necessary For Leadership
In my mediation work with families and leaders, training and competency benchmarks are required as part of my on-going certification for effective conflict resolution. After each mediation, I discuss my cases with an attorney, ask for feedback, and participate in an hour-long meeting listening to how other mediators handle a similar case. No matter how many hours I give in preparing for and researching on behalf of clients, uncertainty and unpredictability abound. Just when I think I have mastered the skills of helping people see the root of their conflict or negotiating a parenting plan for a complex family scenario, I come up short when I lose myself in their story,[5] or I become too caught up in my horizontal learning.
My leadership becomes ineffective.
One of the goals of mediation is to help parties flourish by embracing their changing reality. When I ask myself what skills I lost or stopped relying on, I identify the two most crucial for my work to be effective: Becoming a Neutral and Active Listening. Without these, I am in danger of working against my inner qualities Beerel lists in chapter 5.[6] I realize that a mediator cannot be compared to a global leader, however, I see several parallels between required mediation skills and Beerel’s skills necessary[7] for leadership: I will briefly explore two:
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Beerel: An ability to create clarity amidst a sea of confusion where clarity does not mean certainty
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Mediator: Becoming a Neutral |
In Chapter 14, Beerel introduces Transpersonal Leadership where she suggests leaders might expand one’s identity by having the courage to step out of one’s normal role expectations.[8] This is similar to Simon Walker’s idea of how certain skills enable mobility in leadership, “There are certain mechanics involved in moving from using one strategy, one kind of power to another and [you] can master them.”[9] Both Beerel and Walker differentiate this approach to leadership by emphasizing self-awareness, the integration of intellectual, emotional and spiritual intelligence along with stillness, an inner security, a personal freedom. The focus on mobile leaders, transpersonal leadership or what Mark McCaslin coined as potentiator,[10] calls for more than just technical skills and knowledge. It’s important to take care of the soul and spirit; this is what allows a leader to be open to other possibilities when solving problems. The skills learned in mediation are similar to Transpersonal leadership and are transferable for those leading organizations, families and ideas.
In mediation training, mediators learn what it means to become a neutral, a person who enters a conflict or discussion to help find a solution. The complicating piece of becoming a neutral is taking care of one’s self, soul, spirit, emotions, intellectual and mental needs. What makes becoming a neutral more complicated for today’s leaders is the fact that more and more people have experienced trauma in their early years through divorce, disaster, violence, loss, racism, sexism, sickness, death and separation. I am asking myself how might becoming a neutral and Transpersonal Leadership help create clarity for people in a sea of confusion? Is this possible to do without certainty?
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Beerel: A capacity for helping others find purpose and meaning during extreme times |
Mediator: Active Listening |
Mediation requires the capacity to listen actively to another person. It’s tempting to enter a conflict situation and want to give people “A good talking to”. We also feel the need to problem solve when faced with challenging situations. Mediation teaches neutrals to do the opposite. In his book, Managing Conflict, David Liddle says our number one priority should be to give people “A good listening to.”[11] I have found this to be true.
I am conflicted with Beerel’s final pages when she writes about Horizontal Learning (listening skills as functional development) vs. Vertical Learning: “[It] takes one out of one’s existing level of cognitive, emotional, and relational complexity, challenging one to progress to a higher level of being and understanding.”[12]
If leaders need the skill of helping others find purpose and meaning during extreme times, Vertical Learning seems closely connected to Active Listening. Might Horizontal Learning, like mediation skills, and Vertical Learning help in the planning for a leader’s ability to transcend themselves, their skills, and their ego?[13]
Leaders may not be able to predict what’s coming but I hope what Beerel is envisioning is a way for leaders to know who they are.
[1] Praxis is
[2] M. J. Murdock Charitable Trust. “Webinar: Leading Through COVID-19 with Praxis,” April 30, 2020.
[3] Andy Crouch, Dave Blanchard and Kurt Keilhacker. Praxis. “Leading Beyond the Blizzard: Why Every Organization Is Now a Startup.” Medium, April 24, 2020..
[4] Beerel. P. 100.
[5] I tell this part of my story to show how I am lacking what Beerel calls “Vertical Learning.”
[6] Beerel, P. 110. Anderson and Adams in Mastering Leadership, write about the inner and outer game of leadership. Great leadership is beyond skill, capability, and competence. Instead, qualities of the inner game such as integrity, passion, vision, courage, authenticity, self-awareness, humility, intuition and wisdom lead to leadership mastery.
[7] Beerel, Annabel. Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories. 1st ed. Milton: Taylor & Francis Group, 2021. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003044444.
[8] Annabel Beerel. P. 240.
[9] Simon Walker. Leading with Nothing to Lose (Undefended Leader): Walker, Simon
[10] Mark McCaslin. The Nature of Transpesonal Leadership: Building Potentiating Relationships. Integral Leadership Review, 2016.
[11] David Liddle. “Managing Conflict: A Practical Guide to Resolution in the Workplace.” London, United Kingdom ; Kogan Page Limited, 2017.
[12] Beerel. P. 379
[13] Beerel. P. 100.
About the Author
Pam Lau
Pamela Havey Lau brings more than 25 years of experience in speaking, teaching, writing and mediating. She has led a variety of groups, both small and large, in seminars, trainings, conferences and teachings. Pam’s passion is to see each person communicate with their most authentic voice with a transparent faith in Jesus Christ. With more than 10, 000 hours of writing, researching, and teaching the heart and soul of Pam’s calling comes from decades of walking alongside those who have experienced healing through pain and peace through conflict. As a professor and author, Pam deeply understands the role of mentoring and building bridges from one generation to another. She has developed a wisdom in how to connect leaders with their teams. Her skill in facilitating conversations extends across differences in families, businesses, schools, universities, and nonprofits. Pam specializes in simplifying complex issues and as a business owner, has helped numerous CEOs and leaders communicate effectively. She is the author of Soul Strength (Random House) and A Friend in Me (David C. Cook) and is a frequent contributor to online and print publications. You can hear Pam’s podcast on Real Life with Pamela Lau on itunes. Currently, Pam is a mediator for families, churches, and nonprofits. You can contact Pam through her website: PamelaLau.com. Brad and Pam live in Newberg, Oregon; they have three adult daughters and one son-in-law. One small, vocal dog, Cali lives in the family home where she tries to be the boss! As a family they enjoy worshiping God, tennis, good food and spending time with family and friends.8 responses to “Who To Become When You Really Don’t Know What’s Coming”
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Pam, a couple of things stood out from your post. The first was Praxis…so funny that you mention that organization. I just had dinner last night with someone associated with Praxis! I would guess that your work as a mediator could help the entrepreneurs served by Praxis to be ready to embrace the inevitable conflict they will no doubt encounter (if they haven’t already), especially in times of uncertainty, and especially in today’s socio-economic climate. A second thing that came to mind, as you were comparing the work of becoming a Neutral to that of helping to provide clarity in times of confusion. I wonder how the neutral posture that a mediator has to take correlates in some way to the “neutral convener” involved in the sort of collective impact that the Stanford Social Innovation Review talks about (see their article on “Why Cultivating Your Innovative Ecosystem is Worth the WorK: https://ssir.org/articles/entry/why_cultivating_your_innovation_ecosystem_is_worth_the_work
Travis,
Thank you for posting the link to the article about Stanford Social Innovation Review published. The work they are writing about around the globe has collective benefits beyond even why they are meeting.
What comes to mind when I read your comment about the “neutral convener” is how similar the definitions are of a mediator. A neutral convener in a nonpartisan person hired by the lead government to convene and preside for the official public meeting. I hope to learn those skills as I grow as a mediator.
In fact, when I was reading Beerel’s book this week, my mind kept circling back to how everyone in leadership would benefit from mediation training and now I would add, Neutral Convening education.
Thanks for your input.
Hi Pam! This is a brilliant post.
I’m intrigued by your statement. You write, “In mediation training, mediators learn what it means to become a neutral, a person who enters a conflict or discussion to help find a solution. The complicating piece of becoming a neutral is taking care of one’s self, soul, spirit, emotions, intellectual and mental needs.”
To what extent may mediators’ backgrounds and experiences affect their capacity for objectivity? Are there certain strategies that assist mediators in removing their influences?
Dinka,
Your question is a good one and one mediators face regularly in trainings, meetings and moments before they enter the mediation with parties.
To answer your first question, to what extent may mediators’ backgrounds and experiences affect their capacity for objectivity, I would say every mediator comes from a different background which makes the process rich with perspective. When someone comes to the table of learning to mediate through trainings and supervision, education and evaluations, the most important piece is a posture of learning. Someone who desires to mediate, in many ways, must take on the skills and adaptabilities Beerel and Walker write about: Transcending the self. When this happens, your background and experiences become teachers, not slave masters. What I struggled with the most was becoming aware of how I work to persuade people to take my position and perspective. My background as a communications prof, speaker, teacher, preacher wants to bring everyone along. Well, such “leading” can derail the mediation process of serving the parties in their conflict.
Your second question is so good, too. Are there certain strategies that assist mediators in removing their influences? Personally, I have to take extra care of my own emotional, mental, physical and social life. To mediate with excellence, I must not have unmet needs entering the process and that takes time. I don’t take every case–I cannot exhaust myself. I meet regularly with a spiritual director, I pray with others, I seek counsel, I workout every single day for 60-75 minutes. What’s the most helpful part of the mediation process to aid in remaining a neutral is to co-mediate. Hands down, it is the best strategy out there. Jesus exercised astounding wisdom when we sent out two by two! I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Hi Pam-
First, I really liked your title, as I thought is represented the true challenge that is ahead of leaders today.
Second, I want to camp on your questions: “I am asking myself how might becoming a neutral and Transpersonal Leadership help create clarity for people in a sea of confusion? Is this possible to do without certainty?” May I also add: Is it possible at all for a leader to be neutral?
I am often asked by leaders to come into a team meeting to facilitate a conversation for them because they need a neutral voice. And, I have always assumed their willingness to acknowledge that they are not neutral and to be a full participant in the conversation was a strength.
As I think out loud here, I am realizing that the answer may lie in role clarity. If I am leading a team, I should have positions on issues, but as a third party coming into help (as in the case of a facilitator or mediator) courageous neutrality is needed. How do you see it?
Jen, Your comment is an important and newish thought in this conversation: “As I think out loud here, I am realizing that the answer may lie in role clarity. If I am leading a team, I should have positions on issues, but as a third party coming into help (as in the case of a facilitator or mediator) courageous neutrality is needed. How do you see it?”
The idea of being crystal clear in my role in any job, assignment, engagement or relationship could transform frustration to joy, mission drift to purpose, and vague responses to profound input. Is neutrality possible as a leader? Is being so intricately aware of my role possible? I believe that’s what mediation training and becoming a mediator has started to teach me in ways I had no idea would transform my working self and my personal life as they have.
Do you think you understand a role neutrality on your job?
Thank you for your amazing post, Pam. You stated, “What makes becoming a neutral more complicated for today’s leaders is the fact that more and more people have experienced trauma in their early years through divorce, disaster, violence, loss, racism, sexism, sickness, death and separation.” Knowing this challenge, how do you practically prepare and care for yourself in order to be able to listen from a neutral presence?
Yes, Cathy~ It’s such a sobering truth for your younger people. Thank you for the question of how do I practically prepare and care for myself to listen from a neutral presence. Of the several things I do (besides the required trainings), an important practice is solitude and focus. Without solitude – at least 3 hours a day a few times a week, it would be impossible for me to listen with a neutral stance.
Safe places for me to process is the key.
One practice is to make my closest relationships a strong priority (outside of my husband and children). What this practice does is keep my own emotional and social needs met. A mediator who is “needy” to be seen or heard for their own issues becomes instantly ineffective. And along with that, I work hard at keeping my own soul up to date with asking for forgiveness :). Certain mediations can trigger emotions or responses when you least expect it.
Speaking of responses and reactions, that’s the absolute hardest discipline as a mediator (especially in family law when a child ‘s welfare is at stake).
I do a lot of self-talk.
When I meet with my own spiritual director and coach, I challenge myself to tell the whole truth about my inner life, not just the stuff that protects my image or reputation or how I want to come across. When someone else can see me beyond what I am presenting, I feel deeply seen and known. Somehow that practice gives me the capacity to offer that same neutrality to another human being.
Becoming a mediator has eradicated the temptation to ever judge another human being. That alone has made the work a worthy pursuit. Would love to hear what you do to remain neutral with your teachers who you coach?