Pain is inevitable…
To be honest I was not sure I wanted to read this book. I remember sometime last semester Dr. Clark saying sometimes you will have to not read a book and still do a review, and then see if anyone notices, or something to that effect. I have had plenty of pain throughout my ministry life, but that does not make me special, it makes me just like every other minister who has walked this terrestrial ball we call home. It was odd, I had actually, for whatever reason, not purchased this book before last week. I guess it slipped my sight. Then I actually started reading Leadership Pain: The Classroom for Growth by Samuel Chand, and I was rewarded for my effort. The insight is something every pastor should have to read before ever taking their first position at a church. The idea that your best friends will betray you, your heart will be broken, you will be lied about, your family will be attacked (sometimes physically). All these things and more pour from these pages. If we are not aware of what we are getting into, then we may not survive.
Mark Borrett, in his review states, “this is a book about experiencing and working through our pain, hurt, disappointments and betrayal as christian leaders.” [1] It is just that, learning to work through the pain of ministry which will keep ministers vibrant. That and learning you cannot do everything. I feel like I am a broken record sometimes when I look back at my last position. I did everything I could think of to make myself indispensable, the youth minister, the IT director, media director, missions minister, Upwards basketball director, and in the end nothing mattered, I had friends stab me in the back to move me out of a position I loved doing. It took me over a year to come to grips with what happened to me and to move on. Chand addresses this when he writes “If you lead long enough, you’ll inevitably endure the deep wounds of betrayal. It’s a paradox of leadership” [2] He goes on to discuss that it only takes a few of these kinds of people to create this kind of chaos for a pastor. So, the question then is this, if ministry is so hard, and you can guarantee some kind of heart break, why do it at all? Why put oneself into the crosshairs. The answer is both simple and complex (don’t you hate it when people do that).
The simple answer is because we have been called to minister in a fallen world to sinful people who do sinful things. Jesus was betrayed, not only by Judas, but all of his disciples ran for cover when the crap hit the fan. Peter, the rock, the one who would be leader denied him three times. So why do we, as pastors, think it will not happen to us? That should be the answer we should be ready to hear, right? Then why, when it does happen are we so shocked. It always seems as if it has come out of left field and knocked us for a loop.
The more complex answer to this question lies at the heart of what the real problem usually is, we have messed with a sacred thing and people are very quick to defend what they perceive as a sacred thing. I cannot tell you how many times, in my church that I have only been at for a little over a year I have heard one person say, “I like the King James version of the bible, it was good enough for my grandmother and it is good enough for me”. It upsets this person tremendously that I do not preach out of the King James version. I do not care how many times I point out the version I use is a great translation, that the greek used to translate the King James was not Koine greek so it misses some of the intricacies, or that there are better translations for that are easier to read. None of this matters to this person, and you know why, his grandmother led him to Christ, his grandmother was the one who took him to church and gave him a love for her favorite translation. Now, I could be a tyrant and just berate this person until I made an enemy, or I can understand his love of his bible, celebrate the fact that he is passionate about it, and let him vent when he needs to.
The sacredness of things in the church can run from the music, the length of a sermon, the color of the carpet (you know red the the best right), even the translation of the bible being used by the pastor. People have the things they like, and they do not want to change, it was good enough for the last 50 years why should we change. I think this stabs at the heart of my problem. People want to feel comfortable in their church, they want it to be familiar, like an old blanket that you want to snuggle with during a cold winter night, it just feels right. The problem behind this thinking is it leads to death, the death of a church, a ministry or just plain dying of boredom. Chand makes it perfectly clear why we have pain “the basic premise of the book is that growth = change, change = Loss, Loss = Pain, and therefore, growth = Pain.” [3] If we are not going through a difficult time, then we are not learning to lean on God. He does give us reprieves from the pain but, it is through our pain that we grow,, that we learn we are capable of so much more than we think we are, God grooms us and that grooming can cause pain but it is worth it in the end.
Yes I did read this book and I am glad I did!
[1] Borrett, Mark. “LEADERSHIP PAIN: THE CLASSROOM FOR GROWTH.” The Journal of Applied Christian Leadership 9, no. 2 (Fall, 2015): 102-3, https://georgefox.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.georgefox.idm.oclc.org/docview/1766243329?accountid=11085.
[2] Chand, Samuel R. Leadership Pain: The Classroom For Growth. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2015. pg. 39. iPad
[3] Borrett, Mark. “LEADERSHIP PAIN: THE CLASSROOM FOR GROWTH.” The Journal of Applied Christian Leadership 9, no. 2 (Fall, 2015): 102-3, https://georgefox.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search-proquest-com.georgefox.idm.oclc.org/docview/1766243329?accountid=11085.
About the Author
Jason Turbeville
A pastor, husband and father who loves to be around others. These are the things that describe me. I was a youth minister for 15 years but God changed the calling on my life. I love to travel and see where God takes me in my life.8 responses to “Pain is inevitable…”
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Hi Jason,
Loved the skit, and love the Skit Guys. Thanks for including that.
I agree that every pastor should read this book before stepping into the ministry. In fact, I am buying a copy for all 107 of mine.
That King James argument is a real head scratcher. I visited a church that had not had a single conversion in three years, but a former Pastor in their pews (age 88), ripped me big time for preaching out of the NIV. Lost sight of what was important, they did…
Now, go get your research accomplished and papers written!
Jay,
What I am finding is the same in many churches that are stagnating or dying is just that, focusing on the things that don’t matter.
Jason
Jason,
Great introduction. Would you have joined the ministry field if you “knew” all the terrible things that could and would happen to you? I doubt any of us know what it means to “count the cost” until we have had to live it, experience it, and struggle through it. I like to share with others during stressful situations that “ministry is messy.” It is a polite way of sharing with others, who may be confused too, that it is ok to talk about why good people to bad things to their leaders. I always try to point them to the principle that “this is not a battle between flesh and blood” and then look for Holy Spirit and involved members finding co-created solutions.
I do not agree completely with Chand’s logic formula. There are times when change = gain and gain = joy. I think these times are when the Holy Spirit is leading the way, instead of us trying to help God.
Stand firm,
M. Webb
Mike,
I did have people trying to talk me out of going to seminary because of how difficult life would be, but of course, I ignored…not out of some idea that I trusted God implicitly but because I thought I knew better. ha! In response to your last statement, I think the Holy Spirit does exactly what you said but I also think more often than not he is allowing us to go through the pain because that is the best teacher for our human condition.
Jason
Hi Jason,
I’m sorry you’ve experienced betrayal. That’s a rough one.
I think you’re on to something when you mention the pain in churches is often around people’s notions of what is sacred being violated. That which is sacred is that which is worshiped and seemingly inviolable. Perhaps God is chipping off the pieces in us that idolize things such as the translation of a Bible or the colour of a carpet.
Mark,
At the time I hated the betrayal but in hindsight I am grateful for it, I moved to where God could do what he needed. And the pain subsides eventually… God does chip off the things we put before him to be sure, and it sure is a fight sometimes.
Jason
Thanks for your thoughtful post. I appreciated this line: “The simple answer is because we have been called to minister in a fallen world to sinful people who do sinful things.” It’s true that the number one reason that keeps pastors in the game is their sense of call. It is so powerful that it enables people like you to go from big flashy ministry to suffering alongside a small family. You are a humble man.
Jason,
I was a little resistant to reading a book titled, “leadership pain.” Even when this reminded me of some of the pain of I went through, It also reminded me of what he continues to teach me.
Loved the skit…painful to see my own life in parts of that skit.
Thanks.