Leaders Don’t Cry, They Weep!
Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder in Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits of Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead reminded me of many books we have read and what many leaders have endured through this time of Covid.[1] Often leadership comes down on how we choose to see and handle things. From the Bible we know that how we see and process experiences depends greatly on the condition of our heart. Proverbs 4:23 instructs us, “above all else guard our hearts, for everything you do flows from it.
Perspectives
Perspective is so important in how we perceive people and situations. A Leader who is secure in their ego will see and call out the best in others. Rare Leadership combines the expertise, education, and experience from Warner’s role as a pastor and Wilder’s clinical psychology role. Together they provide four-habits for leaders regardless of their development stage. Warner and Wilder identify the four habits as being:
- Remain Relational
- Act Like Yourself
- Return to Joy
- Endure Hardship Well
Pastors vs. Managers
Many leadership programs are focusing on managerial types of models but the church is filled with people and in need of leaders with exceptional interpersonal skills. Not only do we need anointed leaders back in the roles of pastors, but we pastors who have been trained through discipleship and not only just educated. Great leaders have empathy and love for those they lead. This brings me to my title, “Leaders don’t cry, they weep.”
Through my church plant, I have had great leaders come and go. I have had incredible people come and leave. Through all of this, I have simply loved the people that have come in through our doors. Some have caused great problems and destruction. Through this, usually “Remain Relational” suffers the most. I then put up walls and stop “Act Like Yourself.” However for some reason I “Endure Hardship Well.” In time I “Return to Joy” through the softening of my heart through God’s love, and presence. I become relational again and return to self.
Prior Readings
Leadership focuses on many other aspects than books we have read previously. But we can see the correlations between Friedman Failure of Nerve through “self-differentiation.[2]” In Kahneman Thinking Fast and Slow in how we react to people rather than responding to people in the leader that they need.[3] In Bolsinger Tempered Resilience we see the focus on suffering and endurance.[4] In the book Leadership Theory and Practice by Peter Northhouse we see the many different leadership styles.[5]
The Trap of War
In the Art of War, an enemy will try to get you to fight in their territory where they have the advantage.[6] This is one of the great strengths that Friedman gives us through his book. This way we are engaging confrontation or problems in our strengths rather than our weaknesses. I have come to identify this also makes Kahneman’s book Thinking Fast and Slow so impactful. System 1 is for war, while system 2 is for peace. As leaders of Christ, we must do our best to engage people and situations in peace.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I love Bolsinger’s book Canoeing the Mountains.[7] I loved that when Lewis and Clark came to the Rocky Mountains they have to ditch the canoes and become mountain explorers. They had to leave what they new behind and learn new skills and practices. It is an incredible gift to learn about leadership, however what we learn through difficult situations teaches us the most and usually transforms us into great leaders. Therefore leaders don’t cry, they often weep because of the pain of internal transformation from failure.
[1] Warner, Marcus, and Jim Wilder. Rare Leadership. Moody Publishers, 2016.
[2] Friedman, Edwin H. A Failure of Nerve. Church Publishing, Inc., 2017.
[3] Kahneman, Daniel. Thinking, Fast and Slow. Penguin UK, 2011.
[4]Bolsinger, Tod. Tempered Resilience. InterVarsity Press, 2020.
[5] Northouse, Peter G. Leadership. SAGE, 2007.
[6] Tzu, Sun. The Art of War. Lulu.com, 2020.
[7]Bolsinger, Tod. Canoeing the Mountains. InterVarsity Press, 2018.
About the Author
Greg McMullen
Pastor Greg resides in Lake Stevens WA and pastors a small rural church in the Machias area . The Well Church has a large food ministry in which many different cultures come each week to gather food and counsel. The Church has a small school that is bearing good fruit. Pastor Greg has a large family of 10 children and enjoys fishing and hiking.4 responses to “Leaders Don’t Cry, They Weep!”
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Hi Greg,
I am interested in hearing more about this:
“we pastors who have been trained through discipleship and not only just educated”
Canoeing the Mountains- I love this book too. What did you learn from these explorers ditching their canoes?
I enjoyed seeing the different books that we have read and hearing some of what you have taken from them!!
Kristy,
Yes, mentorship is important. Most pastor’s are looking for people who are good soil to invest in. Some 30, some 60, some 100.
Your conclusion is very True Greg,
“It is an incredible gift to learn about leadership, however what we learn through difficult situations teaches us the most and usually transforms us into great leaders.”
It’s here that God forms our character as true servant-leaders.
Hey Greg,
Great post! You wrote: Perspective is so important in how we perceive people and situations.
What perspective do you have when you start a conversation with someone new?