Getting thrown into the deep end
When I was 15 years old my Grandad and I got into an old manual transmission pickup truck and drove to a very steep hill where, without warning, he pulled the emergency brake, got out of the vehicle, and told me to get into the driver’s seat.
He was determined to teach me how to drive. And this was my very first lesson.
My heartrate went through the roof as I tried to clutch-brake-gas my way beyond the engine stalling out, rough lurching, and crying out to God that I didn’t roll down the hill backwards and kill us both.
Somehow, we made it back home, and I not only remember that moment to this day, but I very quickly gained the experience required to drive a stick-shift.
Throughout my Grandad’s life, we laughed together about his questionable teaching techniques, but Eve Pool in her book Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership led me to consider that this may have been an excellent way to learn to drive. Pool’s thesis is that critical incidents, or learning under extreme stress, can help us learn faster and acquire memories that last (39).
As I reflect on my leadership journey, I realize that most of how I have learned to lead has been by being thrown into the deep end of the pool and figuring out how to swim.
There is much I could say about potential drawbacks and even abuse of this method, but I must admit that a great many of these “deep end” moments have cemented leadership courage, character, and confidence in me: Because I knew I could swim, or drive, or lead, I no longer struggled with whether I could do so, and focused instead on doing it better.
So, if threshold moments are essential for learning, and growing into confidence, maybe there is a way to speed those moments up (or at least provide a clearer road map).
Pool admits this is a primary reason for the book “Most leaders I know would like to feel more confident. Indeed, the reason I have written this book is to give you a route map for that journey.” (47). So, a core of the first part of Leadersmithing is about building that confidence by live-practicing 17 specific critical incidents (what she calls ‘archetypal leadership activities’ such as managing ambiguity, or owning mistakes, or dealing with poor performance) (11) as a training tool to help leaders create neurological ‘templates’ they can rely on when facing common leadership challenges.
A second element of the ‘theory part’ of this book deals with character, which Pool states is even more important than confidence. “While confidence can be faked, character is real” (47). She believes, rightly, I think, that “strengthening your character will future proof your craft” (55). I appreciated the focus on character and on “eulogy virtues vs. resume virtues” (53) in a book that is admittedly bent towards unpacking the daily grind tasks of a leader (which shows up in spades in the second “practical section” of the book).
After reading Leadersmithing while I found many avenues for ongoing learning, I want to highlight one observation, and one question:
First, the observation: Pool states that leadership is a word that loses meaning when it becomes more about the title than the function (3). I’ve seen this in the church with the word Elder: When an Elder is primarily a title someone has, not a function they serve, church leadership catches the disease I’ve heard called ‘titleitus’. Whether pastors or elders or deacons, we probably ought to see those roles as verbs over nouns, so churches are not infected with entitlement or with spiritual leaders who are no longer leading (and in some cases, no longer spiritual).
Second, a question, which is related to my NPO: I wonder, as I did when reading about threshold concepts, whether equipping and empowering rising leaders in the church needs to include intentional highly challenging moments, or critical incidents, that help a developing leader more quickly understand that they “can do it”? Could events like that help them recognize “plus set en vous” (there is more in you than you think)? (50).
I’m not talking about a callous disregard of learners or abusive tactics, but I do wonder if careful and intentional ‘throwing a person in the deep end’ could help a young leader emerge with more confidence, more quickly.
Maybe learning to drive, or lead, when scared to death of crashing, with a trusted master mentor sitting in the passenger seat next to you, is a great way to grow into the leader you can be.
#Poole, #DLGP02
About the Author
Tim Clark
I'm on a lifelong journey of discovering the person God has created me to be and aligning that with the purpose God has created me for. I've been pressing hard after Jesus for 40 years, and I currently serve Him as the lead pastor of vision and voice at The Church On The Way in Los Angeles. I live with my wife and 3 kids in Burbank California.14 responses to “Getting thrown into the deep end”
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“…whether equipping and empowering rising leaders in the church needs to include intentional highly challenging moments, or critical incidents, that help a developing leader more quickly understand that they “can do it”? Could events like that help them recognize …there is more in you than you think?”
I like this articulation of ways that we can push developing leaders a bit. I have had occasions to give members of my team just a bit more than they have done in the past, and I see it do two things: build their confidence, and identify areas where they still have growth. This is always hard for me, though, because I don’t what them to believe that I have set them up for failure. Plus, I have found it takes at least 2-3 more times to coach someone through something than it does to do it yourself. I hope that I have found the right level of pushing them out of the nest, but also offering a safety net.
Jennifer, you are so kind. I tend to take the opposite approach and put people in situations where they THINK I have set them up for failure on purpose. I’ve had many people frustrated with me who almost all come back later and say “NOW I see what you were doing”.
I think it’s because it’s how I thrived in learning…I was an independent Gen Xer who when taking a new job had the attitude of “give me the keys, and the password for my email, then leave me alone to do my job”. I’ve found Millennials and Gen Z don’t generally thrive under that framework.
Certainly there is a balance to all of this that I, like you, are still learning.
I was especially interested in Poole’s idea of “neurological ‘templates’ [leaders] can rely on when facing common leadership challenges.” Practicing in order to master a new skill makes sense when we think of learning to drive or playing the piano. But I’m not sure I had ever thought about it in terms of leadership or relational challenges. I’m trying to connect this to a couple of areas identified in my LCP. How can I “template” experiences like persuading and handling conflict? Maybe I should go around picking fights like Poole did, as she mentioned in her Ted talk. Have you ever intentionally practiced a skill like this, or maybe is there a skill that comes to mind that you plan to start practicing?
Great question, Kim. I like you have never thought about templating… I’ve ether pushed people farther than they think they can handle on purpose in real world situations (with real consequences) or held their hand too much because they “couldn’t do it”. I feel like this idea of practicing these things in lower stakes situations but creating the energy and adrenaline rush that sears-in learning could be valuable. I want to explore this more in my leadership, and my NPO (about equipping and empowering Gen Z leaders in the church).
Hi Tim, your post gave me flashbacks! I too was a young teen visiting the island of Kauai with a group of friends for our last “hurrah” as seniors. I asked to borrow an uncles car (he said yes) and when we jumped in it was a STANDARD! I said “Uncle” I don’t know how to drive a stick. He smiled and said, “You’ll learn.” What happened was a weekend of screaming, laughter, and a steady stream of “oh, you think you can do better?” Hilarious…and I learned to drive a stick. We even visited the ONE traffic light on Kauai. People went there just to STOP. Too funny. I mention it because it was on a HILL, and I had to learn to stop, don’t drift back, move forward when the light turned green WITHOUT hitting anyone else. Talk about all NEURON’s firing up (thanks Poole). It all makes sense now.
I am enlightened every time I read you posts (and others) about office climate, positive reinforcement and encouragement. I am LEARNING. Particularly, because this old dog is learning NEW tricks.
For Valentines Day, I snuck into my wife’s office at Focus on the Family and left our wedding album, our communion chalice (Venizian Glass), rose petals and a bottle of bubbly apple cider. My wife (Trudy) was flipping through the pages and her coworkers exclaimed that all the children (we did our wedding at an orphanage in Hungary) were their age! 30 somethings. Those same children and volunteers are now running the GoodSports Hungary operation and I HAVE to learn to deal with a new generation of leaders. I am using Poole’s critical incident lists to “listen/provide feedback/encourage” etc….
World wide, there is a new generation that is focused on “office culture” a positive work atmosphere etc….For me it is like learning a new language. However, in order to be relevant, I have to learn it.
Good comments…Shalom…Russ
I think that’s true, Russ. Healthy organizational culture is a really important part of engaging a rising generation. When I was first working it seemed only the creative environments were intentionally thinking outside of the box in ways like this…but I always wished someone in the church was, too. Now that I lead an organization I realize it’s up to me to set the culture that I wished I had as a young leader.
I learned to drive a manual when my would be husband lent me his car and told me, “You’ll figure it out.” Granted, we were living in Davis, CA at the time where the only “hills” are the over passes and the parking garage but I still stalled several times and each time I’d approach that overpass my heart would race.
I was thrown into the deep water shortly after I arrived at my current church. While I’d served as a solo pastor for many years I had not served as a pastor of a large church and decent sized staff. Within a month of arriving in Bend our senior pastor’s wife got really sick and he ended up leaving for nine months. I was immediately put in his position – which was made more difficult by the fact that I was new to the PNW (culture shock) and some difficult personalities on staff. I learned a lot over those nine months. Looking back, I learned a lot more in that experience than I did when doing an internship in a church (back in seminary) where I was only “in charge” of a few things and always had someone to fall back on. You may be on to something when you say, “I do wonder if careful and intentional ‘throwing a person in the deep end’ could help a young leader emerge with more confidence, more quickly.”
Kally, today one of our staff pastors spoke at church and his line “pain is a great teacher, property is a really poor teacher” hit home. I’m with you; the times I learned the most was when I was given an assignment WAY beyond me and I had to learn and pray fervently to get through. As a Gen Xer I value independence and autonomy, though, so I’m trying to work out how to offer relationship and collaboration to a rising generation who craves it while also giving them autonomy to try things beyond their comfort without feeling like they have a safety net to fall back on? Maybe that’s too harsh. Not saying I’ve got it figured out but I’d like to work on finding the balance.
Tim, you and I have both seen (up close and personal) leaders that have been thrown into the deep end, but did not have the character necessary to sustain them. They, to keep the analogy going, drowned. Sadly. We have watched many go down because of an underdeveloped character.
When your Grandpa put you behind the wheel, was it primarily a practical approach to developing your skills or was there an aspect to his mentoring that addressed character as well?
Have you seen leaders that are good at “smithing” character as much as competencies?
John, you’ve got a point, there. I think that’s one think I like about Poole, she suggests Character is more important than competency.
I think my Grandad was primarily teaching me driving skills, but the subtext of all he did was about teaching character.
Maybe there is a way to train character and competency together… not just looking for the “can you do it?” moment, but helping lead learners into the “why did you do it?” as well.
In other words, someone can learn quickly how study and to preach a message, but to circle around to find out how they pressed into Jesus in their spirit while they prepared may be the difference between training someone who can carry themselves behind the pulpit and mentoring someone who preaches out of deep love and desperate dependence on Jesus.
Hey Tim, reading about your driving story and related this to being thrown into the deep end of the pool, reminded me of when Jesus did this very thing. There were 5,000 people on the hillside who needed to be fed. Jesus turned to his disciples and said, “You feed them.” WOW! Now that’s throwing people into the deep end of the pool.
So how has being thrown into the deep end of the pool shaped you as a leader? How often have you had leadership moments of being thrown into the deep end of the pool?
Todd, you asked a great question but I fear the answer will be a little unconventional. I was CONSTANTLY thrown into the deep end of the pool because I craved and invited it. I’d ask for assignments and tasks that I had no business doing and figured I could figure it out or die trying (not literally die, but maybe get reprimanded, or fired…I always figured I could get another job). I found that if I had the courage to ask, I’d be given stuff nobody else wanted to do and if I did it well, would be given stuff everyone else wanted to do.
Almost ever job I ever had I was massively unqualified for. So now my challenge is not treating everyone else like I wanted to be treated. I’ve found–to my surprise (lol)–that most people HATE being given more than they are ready for.
So there’s a balance…and I’m figuring it out.
Tim, I am so excited to be in your peer group and see how you address this NPO! You are seeing some connection to resiliency and hardships as developing moments. What an interesting experiment! However, in our sue crazy culture and protective childhoods I can see how our young adults are not as “seasoned” as those of us who grew up feral, out of the house until the street lights come on type of childhood. I know I put phones and connected watches on my kids so that even when they are out in the world, I know where they are and they know how to get a hold of me….is our new way of being (though less risky) doing a disservice on helping our children grow into problem solving critical thinkers? Are we crippling our young adults? Preventing trauma? and to your musings, struggling with ways to safely throw them in the deep end or sit them on a hill with a clutch? All I can say is go Tim go!!! I was a Residence Hall director for 4 years and over Residence Life for 2 on a college campus in Chicago and the prep for adulthood was slowly turning into helicopter parents who got the rude awakening that they no longer got to fight their kiddos fights for them! What ideas do you have as deep end moments for young adult leaders? I also LOVED how you talked about title as verb and not noun! Titleitis! I often feel forgiveness has become a noun too and not a verb. We’ll keep talking, but thank you for your work on this!
Thanks Jana. Ouch. You struck a nerve. I’m the deep end guy who has tethered my kids up so they don’t have as many deep end moments. I get the tension between encouraging them to ‘go for it’ and then acting like a helicopter parent, or worse, snowplow parent.
I think one of the things I’ve done in developing leaders in ministry is giving them jobs they aren’t really qualified for, and providing resources for them to grow “up” into qualification. I always try to discern someone’s character and capacity before I do this so I’m not, on one hand leading them into harming the church (or themselves) and on the other hand creating a monster who can do the work but doesn’t have the heart.
Much of the time this works, some of the time it’s a disaster. But I’m willing to work with the failure and disaster as we help young adults become who they are meant to be (I had a couple of disaster moments in my life someone else was patient with).