Focus, Focus, Focus
There are times when my brain is not working at all or in “time-out”. My recall is just not what it used to be. I am easily distracted, and I am forgetful. The embarrassing truth is that I probably spend more time looking for my cell phone than I do actually using it. I am told that on this side of 50, it is to be expected. These are normal signs of an aging brain. My brain is healthy, and it is often over-worked. My family history causes me to be hypersensitive about my focus and memory issues. My Mother had Alzheimer’s Disease and I can recall what the early signs were; lack of focus, easily distracted, forgetful. In fact, it was not properly diagnosed early because her symptoms closely aligned with the signs of normal aging. So, I work to preserve the brain power that I have. I try to keep stress at a minimum, I get an adequate amount of sleep, I eat food that promotes brain health (berries, coffee, nuts, fish/omega 3’s, turmeric, and broccoli). I have significantly decreased my screen/ social media time, and I work to create the right environment for me to focus and produce. It takes a great deal of planning to create an environment absent of distractions. I take good notes, set reminders, utilize a planning app, and create a healthy work schedule. I also play a lot of brain teaser/memory games. Wordle, Sudoku, Braingle, and Lumosity are some of my favorites. I am always looking for new tools. I was looking forward to reading this book and gaining some insight on how to overcome some of my challenges and hopefully some new tools.
I found Your Brain at Work to be helpful, yet I had to read it in small increments. The format of the book made it easier to read in stages. It is long and detailed and too much for one sitting. Each time I returned; I discovered new tools to help make me more effective in my work. While I have made a conscious effort to relate the information that we are learning to my NPO, I find myself also applying it to aspects of my life both personal and professional. The section of the book that discusses relatedness and friend or foe really offered ideas that will be useful in my research, my personal life, and my professional life. Let me state for the record that I completely skipped over the “turning enemies into friends” section. I just can’t conceptualize the trust building that it would take. I don’t have the focus to go there.
I have put a great deal of thought into how to create connections between my stakeholder groups. I’m anticipated that a joint workshop will be necessary, and I must create an environment that is conducive to sharing. Admittedly I am a bit nervous. I am able to do this with ease in my professional life. Facilitating workshops and trainings are a big part of my business. I have faced my fair share of adversarial interactions in these sessions. Building connections and common points of interest is essential to moving a group from one point to the next and I have been successful at it. I actually enjoy the work and the challenge that it presents. What makes my stakeholder group different from previous groups that I have worked with? Why am I nervous? Why am I worried about building connections? I believe that working in a religious environment creates an expectation that everyone will be on their best behavior. We all share a kinship through Christ and that should be the strongest connection that we experience. I also know that childhood experiences, exposure to inaccurate facts, explicit and implicit biases and the evils of racism can cause us to ignore the relatedness we have. This is what causes me to worry and makes me nervous.
Dr. Rock writes, “A feeling of relatedness is a primary reward for the brain, and an absence of relatedness generates a primary threat. A sense of relatedness is what you get when you feel that you belong in a group, when you feel part of a cohesive team.”(1) My work is to continue to remind my stakeholder group of our relatedness through our ‘familyship’ with Christ, to create a safe space for sharing, and value all input. I anticipate that there will be some tense moments and sometimes when the divide might feel too vast to connect. I pray the I can build a communication bridge that reminds us that we are one family. I also acknowledge that family can be difficult and feel like we are on separate teams, like enemies. Dr. Rock offers this as a consideration, “When you think of someone is a foe, you don’t just miss out on feeling his emotions: you also inhibit yourself from considering his ideas, even if they are right.”(2) He continues, “Deciding someone is a foe means you make accidental connections, misread intent, get easily upset, and discard their good ideas.” (3) Without points of connections and intentional space for listening, transformation may not be possible. “There’s a solid science to this: put simply, when people feel safely connected to others, when there is good relatedness, they think better. We need people to at least feel like friends, not foes, so that everyone can do their best work.”(4) I feel a little less anxious, Loved Ones!
1. David Rock, Your Brain at Work, Revised and Updated (New York, NY: HarperCollins, 2020), 159.
2. Ibid.,166
3. Ibid.,166
4. Ibid.,167
About the Author
Jonita Fair-Payton
16 responses to “Focus, Focus, Focus”
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I love hearing little bits about your NPO project because I think it’s so important and needed! As I was reading about the tensions you anticipate when you get stakeholders together in the room, another section of Rock’s book came to mind – the part about certainty and autonomy. Rocks says,”Over and over, scientists see that the perception of control over a stressor alters the stressor’s impact….Finding that you have choices in a situation reduces the threats from both autonomy and uncertainty.” That made me wonder if, during those intense moments, you could somehow give your stakeholders a sense of choice or autonomy. I’m not even sure what that would look like in your situation, maybe even asking the group to pause and giving them the “choice” whether to take a break or press on? Or maybe something totally different, but I wonder if it might help ease some of those tensions.
Hi Kim!
I think that you are on to something. Your suggestion, “That made me wonder if, during those intense moments, you could somehow give your stakeholders a sense of choice or autonomy. I’m not even sure what that would look like in your situation, maybe even asking the group to pause and giving them the “choice” whether to take a break or press on?” is a great idea. It is an approach that I will include in my next workshop. I think that it is important to allow the group individual time to process and re-set. Thank you for this suggestion.
You just pulled out a great quote for me from the reading:
“A feeling of relatedness is a primary reward for the brain, and an absence of relatedness generates a primary threat. A sense of relatedness is what you get when you feel that you belong in a group, when you feel part of a cohesive team.”
A couple of places my brain goes:
1) What a nice connection to so many things we have been talking about in the realm of “being wrong.” That pull to remain part of the group is so strong that we will ignore wrong thinking just to continue to belong.
2) I love how this ties in to what you are working on, as well as my project around disagreements within the Church, and the impact on insider/outsider culture. Please keep sharing your progression!
Last thought: have you read “The Art of Gathering” by Priya Parker, yet? Might be a good summer read for you as you think about designing your events. She really gives focus on creating gatherings with intention.
Hey Jen!
Your statement, “That pull to remain part of the group is so strong that we will ignore wrong thinking just to continue to belong.” I could preach an entire sermon on this. It is such a powerful pull and I have had such a time trying to understand why people that I love and care about could follow a person/belief that is so contrary to the core of who they are. It has caused a great deal of disappointment, heartbreak and dissolution of some cherished relationships.
I have not read “The Art of Gathering”…I’m adding it to my Amazon cart today. Thank you for the recommendation.
Hi Jonita,
One of the reasons I started this course was to keep my mind sharp. Most of the men in my family die of a heart attack at 65 (I am 64 this year), and the women in my family all suffered dementia at 70 (sigh). So if I live past 65, I can expect my mind to phase out by 70 (double sigh).
Still I work with what time I have left.
You wrote…Building connections and common points of interest is essential to moving a group from one point to the next. I am wondering on how I can move groups hostile to immigration to the side where they are willing to listen to the S2 thinking on immigration = the economic plusses of immigrants working in the U.S.A.
No solutions yet!
Shalom…Russ
Hereditary diseases are an unfortunate. I’ve always tried to focus on ways to decrease my odds, although some doctors believe that you can’t really fight genetics… you can only slow it down. I am trying to do my best to live in a manner that reduces stress and allows me to maintain an emotional and mentally healthy lifestyle. I think that’s that best that we can do.
As for our work, we must continue to seek tools to allow us to navigate the difficult and emotional conversations that our topics deal with. We can share what we learn, best practices, and epic fails with each other.
Jonita, you mentioned that Wordle, Sudoku, Braingle, and Lumosity are some of your favorites. I’ve heard of Sudoku (I think my father-in-law used that puzzle game in his older years) and Lumosity, but not the other two. I’ve not tried any of them, though maybe it’s time. Or maybe that will have to wait until after the DLd is over. Ha!
You also mentioned that you are always looking for new tools. Rock’s material reminded me a lot of some things that Cal Newport has written. He’s sort of a productivity guru and has a TED Talk. He’s written Deep Work and A World Without Email, but one of the simplest tools I’ve picked up from him is a return (at least for me) to a more analog approach to setting up my day. I included his stuff at the end of my blog post. Have you heard/read any of his material?
One more thing — thanks for telling me more about you NPO! I look forward to reading/learning more about your findings.
Hey Travis! Yes…wait until this is over or maybe during the Summer before exploring new brain teasers. I think our brains are getting plenty of exercise in this program.
I have not read Cal Newport’s work. I am adding “Deep Work” and “A World Without Email” to my Amazon cart. Thank you for the suggestion.
Jonita,
Thank you for sharing about the presence of Alzheimer’s in your family. My grandmother struggled with Alzheimer’s.
One of my motivations for engaging in this doctoral journey was to keep my mind sharp too. I just want to thank you for your work in the area of building bridges and reminding others of our relatedness and through ‘familyship’ with Christ. What tools do you have in your toolbox to foster those interactions with your stakeholders?
Thanks again! Hope you are doing well.
I am holding space for you in my heart. Alzheimer’s is such a cruel disease and the effect of it on Loved Ones is long lasting and painful.
I have been thinking a lot about what tools to use. I facilitate often but this is different. It is personal and so emotionally charged. One of the tools that generally works in most situations is reminding people of the “reason”. This is different for every group; it can be topic related. For example, if you are dealing with a Board then taking them back to the reason that they committed to the organization or developing an exercise around the positive work that the organization does usually helps settle any tension that is arising. With my stakeholders, I think reminding them of the teaching of Christ and asking them ” how would you explain this to Jesus?”, may help refocus any negative or hostile energy. I will keep you posted!
Jonita,
The older I have gotten, the more “all things brain” take precedent. Lol!
On to your insightful post…
Just by getting to know you, I can see how you help create “familyship” amongst those you interact with. You have done it in our cohort! How incredibly important it is as God has called you to delve into areas where people see each other as the foe. I am curious, when tensions do rise, what are some of your go-to strategies to lessen the tension and create that “familyship” that is needed to think better?
Hey Esther! Thank you for your kind words…it is such a blessing to share this journey with you.
As for my “go-to” strategies…I talked about it a little in my response to Cathy’s comment. I think with my group of stakeholders, I will have to remind them of what God has called them to do. This gets tricky because when we respond in the flesh, we can twist and manipulate scripture to suit our own personal narrative. This is one of the most disappointing flaws in Christian Leadership. I believe that the most effective tool will be reminding my stakeholders of what Christ stood for. And asking the question, ” how would you explain this to Jesus”…I truly believe that it is hard to exhibit ugly exclusionary behavior when you are asked to explain it to Christ.
“My family history causes me to be hypersensitive about my focus and memory issues.”
Hey Jonita, how do you know when you are being hypersensitive and what do you usually do to come out of it?
Hey Todd,
I get concerned when I forget the simplest things. I understand that sometimes an over-scheduled life and over-worked brain will cause you to forget somethings, but I get concerned…sensitive! I try to work harder to organize so that I don’t have things that slip through the cracks. Honestly, sometimes it works and other times I’m spending 10 minutes looking for a cell phone that is literally in my pocket.
Jonita, I love your connecting of connection! I think relationships are so important, and as you made the connection, even our foe’s are super important to our brain and help develop future leaders. I love this, thanks for highlighting this!
Hey Jana,
It was an eye-opener for me. I know that we can learn from everyone but looking at our foe’s as an opportunity to learn new ideas was beyond what I was willing to consider. Sometimes their ideology is so far out there that I just close down and put them in a “they have a lot to learn” category. By doing this, I am deciding that they have no place in my learning and growing journey. I may be missing an opportunity because I am convinced that I am right, and they are not. WHOA!