Be Present to be Useful
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…” James 1:19
A big part of what I do every week is prepare for and deliver sermons and other public talks. So, all semester I was looking forward to reading Julian Treasure’s book How to be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening[1] to pick up tips and tricks that could help me hone that craft (especially after having quickly peeked at the end to see there was advice on things like developing content, developing your vocal toolbox, and stagecraft). I was anticipating an easy read during a week of heavy writing and editing in both of my classes.
That opening paragraph reveals my cognitive bias: I only saw the word “Speaking” and missed the word “Listening”. While I’m always ready to get better at speaking, Treasure’s primary message is that “in order to be a good speaker… you must also be a good listener”, and that “a balance between the two is necessary.”[2] That statement was written as he transitioned the book’s focus from listening to speaking, a full 188 pages into a 300-page book.
Though the book was not a difficult read, I found myself reading it more slowly than I had many other books that I had ‘inspected’ this semester. Because while I want to be a better speaker, I recognize that I’m not always the greatest listener. And though I know listening is an important skill, I’ve been known to use it more like a tool—useful for wielding in the right moment, but not something that’s a vital and well-known part of my work, and life.
I guess I wasn’t listening very well as a kid when my dad would say that God gave us two ears and one mouth so we would listen twice as much as we speak (and I’m certain my dad didn’t know that he cribbed the saying from Epictetus.) [3]
It would be easy to separate this book into the 2/3 listening section and the 1/3 speaking section. The last third of the book gave some good technical advice about speaking (some of which I’ll use as early as tomorrow morning at church), and the first 2/3 of the book challenged me at many points to listen. I could easily fill the rest of this blog post with connect-the-dots observations to Tom Camacho’s[4] mining for gold when managing other’s failure (page 183), or Eve Poole’s[5] templating when learning how to speak (page 291) or Campbell’s[6] Heroes Journey to talk about using story architypes to build speeches (page 221).
However, what I found more helpful than the individual parts, was the whole of the message that “it’s hard to be a great, powerful speaker if you don’t listen, or to be a great listener if you can’t articulate your own thoughts.”[7]
Over, and over again, whether Treasure was giving advice on listening or speaking, I couldn’t shake this concept from my mind: Be present.
I’m not sure that the book ever explicitly expressed those two words — “be present” — but the idea of being fully present as others speak was vital, throughout. Treasure believes that “truly listening to someone requires all of your attention”, and “that there are literally billions of people on this planet who have never known what it is to be truly listened to, so scarce is that experience.”[8] If people are going to know we care about them, we must learn to put our distractions away, and truly listen.
Being present is also vital when we are speaking. When we learn to “listen” to an individual, a group, or a crowd, we become much better communicators who are deeply and undistractedly paying attention to the context in which we speak. Furthermore, when we are being present to ourselves as we speak, we can make intentional decisions that help us communicate our message more effectively.
I once heard Bono say that before U2 takes the stage, they circle up and pray “Lord, make us useful”. Treasure writes “whenever you are on a stage or a platform, or speaking to a group, remember, it’s not about you… you are there to give something to your listeners or your audience.”[9] Being present helps us to do that best.
As a speaker I’ve always prayerfully submitted my sermons and public talks to the Lord, but recently before I speak, I’ve started to stop, get on my knees, get present to the Lord as I seek to listen to Him, and pray this specific, simple prayer: “Lord, somehow, make me, and this, useful.”
[1] Julian Treasure, How to be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening (Coral Gables, FL: Mango Publishing Group, 2017).
[2] Treasure, How to be Heard, 188.
[3] Ibid., 105.
[4] Tom Camacho, Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching (Nottingham: IVP, 2019).
[5] Eve Poole, Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership (London: Bloomsbury Publishing Plc, 2017).
[6] Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, (Novato, CA: New World Library, 1949).
[7] Treasure, How to be Heard, 10.
[8] Ibid., 38.
[9] Ibid., 203.
About the Author
Tim Clark
I'm on a lifelong journey of discovering the person God has created me to be and aligning that with the purpose God has created me for. I've been pressing hard after Jesus for 40 years, and I currently serve Him as the lead pastor of vision and voice at The Church On The Way in Los Angeles. I live with my wife and 3 kids in Burbank California.12 responses to “Be Present to be Useful”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
I love it…BE PRESENT.
Outside my window people are traveling at 70 mph on the highway. I don’t think they slow down when they get out of the car! In order to be present in listening, we have to put all things aside and look, face and HEAR what is being said. Easy to say, hard to do sometimes.
In the last two books, Rock and Treasure have a nice amount of self-care in them. Prioritization, slowing down, listening with intent, well-being, and the best – Happiness.
Treasures book resonates with me as I apply it to my NPO. I have barreled along with a project in my mind, and I have failed to “listen” to the refugees and their needs for resettlement in their 1st 30 days (my NPO topic).
I am continuing to read Treasure’s book, but I flashed forward and did his voice warm up exercise. It was fun. Vocal warmup exercises – https://howtobeheardbook.com/home/resources/
Great post…Shalom…Russ
I love it…BE PRESENT.
Outside my window people are traveling at 70 mph on the highway. I don’t think they slow down when they get out of the car! In order to be present in listening, we have to put all things aside and look, face and HEAR what is being said. Easy to say, hard to do sometimes.
In the last two books, Rock and Treasure have a nice amount of self-care in them. Prioritization, slowing down, listening with intent, well-being, and the best – Happiness.
Treasures book resonates with me as I apply it to my NPO. I have barreled along with a project in my mind, and I have failed to “listen” to the refugees and their needs for resettlement in their 1st 30 days (my NPO topic).
Thanks for your comments…Shalom…Russ
Russell, in my Biblical analysis for my NPO I came across Acts 15 where the elders and apostles met to consider the Gentile question, but did not have any Gentiles in the room. They spoke about but not to the Gentiles. I want to be better at listening to those who will be impacted by my research and not just “talk about” them.
Yes!! BE PRESENT! I love this. I think learning and committing to being present in every space that you occupy is an amazing way to honor those that you share the space with. I recently gave up social media (during Lent) and I was amazed by how my focus shifted. I was able to remain present in a way that I had not been able to before. It was a gamechanger for me.
Jonita, every time I give up Social Media for a while I’m surprised how much more present it makes me…then I jump back in… WHY? Your comment is making me realize there are some things that I think are helpful but that take more than they give that I need to reconsider to be more present as a leader and person.
Tim- I always enjoy reading what you have to say, and this week is no different! As a person who has never preached a sermon, I would think that it is hard to be present in the moment, when you are actually at the podium, delivering the sermon. Is that true? Are there cultural pressures that you feel you have to live up to that prevent that mindset? Thanks for letting me ask a behind the scenes question!
Jennifer, thanks for the encouragement. It’s meaningful and life-giving to me.
Great question… I’m actually learning more and more to be present while preaching. For years I’d kind of go into a ‘zone’ while on the platform and preach without a great understanding of my audience, room, or myself. I’d just “go”… I find if I am more aware of who I’m talking to and more present to them and myself, that I can be more authentic in my preaching and less ‘preaching as performance’. Over the last few years, I’d rather be real than perfect.
When I read that portion of Bono’s book, it stopped me in my tracks. I wondered if my missions statement was forming in my soul.
To be useful.
Not to be known. Big. Wealthy. Notable. Famous. Loved. Etc Etc.
Useful.
Oh, and let’s add: Faithful.
Well done. Good, Faithful and Useful Servant!
Right, John? I think I’ve discovered what I’d like on my tombstone: He was useful.
I’ve found my preaching has taken on a different tone since I’ve stared praying that and making that my goal.
Tim, as you work on your essay for this class on what you’ve learned I know that a key element in it for you will be this word “Present”. It’s a theme I have heard from you throughout the semester and I LOVE that you found this message in every leadership book we read. Just wanted you to know I see you. What sort of life circumstances do you find pulls you out of present moment most? What trick or skill do you now possess now, at the end of this semester that helps you in your quest to be a non-anxious presence?
Jana, that is really encouraging to be seen. Thank you. I think the reason that theme keeps popping up for me is that it is not something I have lived out well. I wish I could say I was noticing it because it was a part of my life, but in reality I am noticing it because it is NOT, and I feel like this was the major point of Spirit-led challenge and urging for me this semester.
Things that pull me out? Because I tend to be a time traveler….someone who kind of lives in the future (in my head) I can miss the present. When you are always looking for ‘the next’ you often miss ‘the now’.
Also, I’ve discovered that I’m way more distracted by technology than I’d like to admit.
So I’m learning to extricate myself from the constant digital tether (learning to put my phone away, turn it off, keep my computer closed, etc.).
And I’m learning to listen better; to take a deep breath and instead of coming up with an answer, or vision, or fix, just be with people (or with myself). It’s really hard, but rewarding.
Awesome posts, didn’t realize that about U2, ” they circle up and pray ‘Lord, make us useful’. What a great prayer.
We just launched Stephen Ministry at our church which is a one on one ministry for anyone experiencing hard times like grief, crisis, loss, trauma, etc. There is a lot of training involved even though its not therapy or counseling, but this ministry hammers over and over, “be present” and listen, don’t fix, ask great questions, but let them process their emotions. We all learned its harder than it seems, but it brings healing because it conveys genuine care and concern. Great summary of the book “Be present”!