A Way of Brokenness Intersecting with the Father’s Love
What is going on?
I have never witnessed so much anxiety in children as I have in the last five years. Previously in my role as a Kindergarten teacher, I witnessed so many children who came to school with so much fear and anxiety and I often wondered “what is going on?” Children, as early as four or five years old, religiously sanitizing their hands at every move, constantly worrying, quickly getting angry and irritable to the point of lashing out at their peers and adults, and having tremendous difficulty concentrating. It is alarming. In one incident, a student so overcome with anxiety began throwing chairs and bins of books, with the teacher removing the class to the hallway to teach in the hallway while the school administrator and social worker tended to the needs of the anxiety ridden child. This incident is not in isolation. Even before the pandemic, anxiety and depression were becoming more common among children and adolescents, increasing 27 percent and 24 percent respectively from 2016 to 2019. By 2020, 5.6 million kids (9.2%) had been diagnosed with anxiety problems and 2.4 million (4.0%) had been diagnosed with depression. [1]
In fact, this past winter, for the first time in my 27 years in education, I have witnessed the assignment of TWO paraprofessionals for ONE child because of the heightened anxiety and outbursts that have manifested in the child hurting themself and others. One of the paraprofessionals went to the ER because the child slugged the para in the lip so hard and required stitches. What is going on? In my conversations with other instructional coaches in other buildings and districts, the narrative is the same. . . growing, at an alarming rate, the number of children coming to school with behavioral issues connected to extreme levels of anxiety. Of the 73+ million children in the United States, it is critical that we excogitate how we regulate our anxiety and health as leaders, parents, and grandparents. [2]
Is there any hope?
Federal policymakers are considering this research as it offers new evidence that children’s mental health is trending in the wrong direction. After reading our text this week, I question whether it is not just children’s mental health trending in the wrong direction, but my own health as a leader. Search ME! This trend also causes me to reflect. . . what outcome is being manifested out of my leadership? More importantly, how do I reflect Christ in how I care for myself and others. . . my sphere of leadership (leadership of self and others).
So my question is. . . If children learn by example, and if leaders are made and not born, how are we doing at developing the next generation of differentiated leaders, pondering this alarming trend towards anxiety and depression? How might myself and other leaders respond? This question isn’t meant to cause any of us to become enmeshed (sucked up in the energy of this alarming trend), but rather, extend empathy and reflect on our own practices of differentiation, that live in the knowledge of where our self begins and ends and where someone else’s self begins and ends. [4] Reminder. . . as followers of Jesus, we know the end of this story. There is hope. So while it seems that God has so much work to do in me, there is hope. His love intersects my brokenness.
A testimony of this hope is manifesting itself across college campuses across our nation. Hunger and brokenness are intersecting, meeting the love of the Father. People are experiencing an outpouring of the Holy Spirit (i.e. Asbury Outpouring – February – ?, 2023). God, in His goodness, is redeeming what we think we know about the devolution of society and the alarming percentages of children with anxiety, doing a new thing. Waymaker!
What will it cost?
God graciously reminds us, inviting us back into a non-anxious journey with Him. Journeys involve movement. Movement does not imply an anxiety often found in the idea change, but can look more like a rhythm of abiding and morphing. The movement each person takes, in becoming a better regulated leader, looks different, but often involves, at the start, a change in the posture of one’s heart. Edwin Friedman in his book, A Failure of Nerve, brings to our awareness the idea of emotional regression as more of a “going down”, or devolution, than an evolution, “going up”. [5] He noted the irony of how this devolution process can appeal to the very leaders who could pull a society out of its devolution by rerouting their focus on data and technique rather than on emotional process and the care of the leader’s own self. [6] We have a responsibility to be a part of the going up, caring for ourselves and being light in a dark, very anxious world (leadersmithing with apprenticeship).
How does a leader just “be”?
While this idea of “responsibility” may probe an immediate anxious response (a “to-do” list with numerous habits, methods, disciplines, practices, and all the “to-dos” that one could conjure up) let’s consider reorienting our minds to a “to-be” list. Or better yet, inviting the Holy Spirit into the work of reordering our hearts, to produce the best version of self for the glory of God . . .“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24. [7] It is in the work of being, that God has a unique long-term purpose for each of us.
Our “to-be” list is our priority. It is in this differentiated version of a regulated self that God invites us to join Him in mastering our own “ships”. In the book, The Body Keeps the Score, author Bessel Van der Kolk, offers this challenge of how individuals can return to being masters of their own ships, seeing how imprints from the past can be transformed. Understanding this depends largely on our internal leadership skills – how well we listen to our different parts, making sure they feel taken care of, and keep them from sabotaging one another. [8] As we master our ships, it is vital that we have the courage to care for our different parts, whether emotional, spiritual, mental and physical. Being, is our priority.
In the book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, author Peter Scazzero shares a story about a moment in his life where he made some realizations about his own emotional and spiritual health as a leader, “Externally I appeared kind, gracious, and patient, when inwardly I was nothing like that. I so wanted to present a polished image as a good Christian that I cut myself off from what was going on within myself. . . . I was stuck in an immature level of spiritual and emotional development.” [9] We (I) can become so consumed in our (my) roles as leaders that we neglect the care of ourselves, emotionally and spiritually. When we experience sabotage, the systems within us that are resistant to change in our health as leaders, let’s consider “being” as our primary responsibility to ourselves and to our Creator, resting in His care for the doing. This movement in our journey may have the greatest impact on those who we come alongside and lead. . . ourselves.
[1] Lydie A. Lebrun-Harris, Reem M. Ghandour, Michael D. Kogan, Michael D. Warren. Five-Year Trends in US Children’s Health and Well-being, 2016-2020. JAMA Pediatr. 2022;176(7):e220056. doi:10.1001/jamapediatrics.2022.0056
[2] Ibid
[3] Jasmine De Leon. July 19, 2022. 7 Things We Learned About COVID’s Impact on Education From Survey of 800 Schools. https://www.the74million.org/article/7-things-we-learned-about-covids-impact-on-education-from-survey-of-800-schools/#:~:text=A%20May%202022%20survey%20found,the%20classroom.%E2%80%9D%20All%20schools%20surveyed
[4] Edwin H. Friedman and Peter Steinke, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (10th Anniversary, Revised Edition) (New York: Church Publishing Incorporated, 2017), 195.
[5] Ibid, 61.
[6] Ibid, 61.
[7] Psalms 139:23-24, NIV.
[8] Bessel van der Kolk. The Body Keeps the Score (New York: Penguin Books, 2014), 282.
[9] Peter Scazzero. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2006), 10.
About the Author
Cathy Glei
Cathy Glei brings more than 25 years of experience in teaching, leading and coaching. She currently is an Instructional Coach and loves to support individuals in discovering who God has made them to be, both professionally and personally. She has led a variety of professional development opportunities, trainings and workshops both in the fields of education and ministry. Cathy desires to support individuals in discovering the Creator's design and image within. Cathy and her husband, Steve, live in Michigan with their seven year old Springer, Otis. They have three adult daughters and two son-in-laws. Together, they enjoy the company of friends (both old and new) in their home, as well as cycling, camping, backpacking and hiking. They can be found hiking and enjoying the outdoors with Otis right alongside them.3 responses to “A Way of Brokenness Intersecting with the Father’s Love”
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Hi Cathy, For some reason I had a hard time finding your post. But I didn’t want to miss it! I think you touched on a very important point, “We (I) can become so consumed in our (my) roles as leaders that we neglect the care of ourselves, emotionally and spiritually.” It is easy to get so busy “doing” that we neglect the very parts of our selves necessary to do our work well. For me, I have to add caring for my body. I am guilty of neglecting my own, especially when under stress. I am listening to my body as much now as I listen to my emotions and spirit. What helps you stay connected to yourself, your needs, spiritually, emotionally, and physically?
Thank you for asking. When I think about how I check the barometer (or stay connected) on my systems (or keep them in check), what helps me is having a rule of life. For example, in my rule of life, I have the practice of Sabbath. When I neglect Sabbath rest in my rhythms, it is interesting how other systems have the potential of falling apart. For me, Sabbath is a big one but within that adding recreation. I cycle and enjoy going for walks but sometimes I cycle in a spirit of “get them done” instead of enjoy them as recreation. Does that make sense?
Hey Cathy, first I sent you an email with a long story about why your posts got deleted by mistake. I thought I had double posted a response to Tim, but it was your response and it deleted that as well. Sorry about that! I sent you the content from my email so you don’t have to rewrite it all and can get credit.
Loved your post, and I have to believe there are some underlying issues (spiritual and emotional) happening. If Edwin is right, being an anxious or non-anxious presence does transfer to the people around us so I imagine this must be true with our children in our homes. This means some of the responsibility lies in earlier generations. Not displacing blame, actually the opposite. It makes me look in the mirror since I have children.
You mentioned, ” After reading our text this week, I question whether it is not just children’s mental health trending in the wrong direction, but my own health as a leader.” I agree, I actually struggled with a tremendous amount of anxiety throughout life due to a multitude of things, poor spiritual, mental, and physical habits, comparison, living up to others expectations, and even toxic theologies and religious beliefs.
Allowing Christ’s love to change our being is key. Speaking of Asbury, one of the ideas mentioned by the speaker that prompted the revival was we not being able to give what we don’t have. Many, both religious and non religious, are desperate to truly embrace and experience the unconditional love of God. I know I need a continual dose of this myself. True rest and peace.
Thanks for your posts and sorry for the blunder!