Lots To Appreciate!
As I have said in an earlier blog, my NPO is seeking to explore the necessary training Christians leaders need to flourish in their leadership role for the long-term. An assumption going into my research is that the emotional formation of a leader is tragically neglected in traditional Pastoral education, leading to most of the Pastoral departures in my Denomination.
Not surprisingly, I found so much of Simon Walker’s book, “Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership” (1) to be refreshing, insightful, and a great resource for my future NPO project.
Before I expand one of Walker’s point and question another, let me briefly name a few of the connections that I saw between Walker’s book and some of our past reading:
1. Walker’s term, an ‘Undefended Leader’ speaks to many of the qualities that Friedman identifies within non-anxious leaders in “Failure of Nerve.” (2)
2. Walker speaks to a leader being ‘formed’ and not simply appointed, (3) which harkens back to Eve Poole’s belief that leaders are grown through experience (apprenticeship) and not simply through the acquisition of cognitive knowledge. (4)
3. Walker’s reflections on Bowlby & Brotherton’s (2 psychologists) work related to the way we predict how people will react, and how this is related to the way we store our memories (5) were familiar after reading Kahneman’s, “Thinking Fast and Slow” and the ways we use our system 1 thinking most of the time (6).
Key Point 1: The Challenge of Disclosure is More Difficult for Church Leaders
Walker writes that, in the end, defended leaders are essentially protecting themselves:
“It is our very selves that we are defending. At its most basic, we are not defending our jobs or our reputations or even our relationships: we are defending our egos.” (7)
Yes…AND disclosing our doubt, brokenness, struggle, or mistake is that much more difficult for Pastors. Compare the implications of a banker disclosing some significant mistake—let’s say an affair or struggle with porn addiction—to that of a Pastor:
• The Banker stays gainfully employed. They can continue to attend their church and will even receive support from the community to work through the healing process (when church is at its best). It’s a tough journey, but not an entirely disruptive one.
• The Pastor either goes on leave or is terminated. The Pastor and family also loses their faith community and support due to their leadership role and the betrayal of trust experienced by those the Pastor led. If the Pastor gets well and is ready to enter ministry again, it’s likely not in the same city (this is typically frowned upon in my location). Thus, the family is moving to a new city which means uprooting children and the remainder of their already fragile lives.
I am not suggesting you feel sorry for those of us who are Pastors—we are, after all, responsible for our decisions and actions. I only mean to point out this reality: if we will go through great lengths to protect our ego, then how much more would we work to protect ourselves when the implications go well beyond a hit to our ego? Is it any wonder Pastors don’t speak up until it’s too late (or worse, get caught in a mess)?
Is there any way to create safe structures and environments for Pastors to speak up and ask for help before the implications get so costly? Would more Pastors speak if such an environment exists? Do any of you in other denominations have safe spaces for licenced clergy?
Of course, less of these kinds of scenarios would be taking place if we ensured our Pastoral training included comprehensive work on our inner life throughout the training process (Shameless plug for my NPO project!).
One Key Question: Does Walker take the concept of an undefended leader a bit too far?
Allow me to quote Walker at length: “…some people are unable to give up their roles as volunteers when it is time for them to do so. What I have found is that, though they are willing and able in service to others to take these worthwhile roles they find it much harder to let them go again. So often there are tensions when someone is asked to step down, when their leader suggests that a change is required. Then it becomes clear that, while they are ostensibly serving in this role for the benefit of others, they are also receiving something in return which they are unwilling to give up. if some such transaction was not taking place, they would be free to let go of the role when the community no longer needed them to do it.” (10)
While I understand what Walker is driving at, I can’t help but wonder if he is taking the concept of being ‘free’ as a leader a bit too far? Is it ONLY an unhealthy desire to ‘get something’ from someone that makes us feel a loss for a service we were providing? Could not some of the perceived or felt loss of no longer serving another simply be missing the healthy joy that using our gifts to serve others provides? Is there not a joy that comes back to us as a natural by-product when humans live in alignment with the way God created us to live—and thus we are, ourselves, blessed when we live a life of blessing to others? Further, even if God is filling an individual and growing a healthy identity within us, we still need to receive from others. In the creation account we know that God declared that it was not good for Adam to be alone despite his unadulterated relationship with God. So, to not require/receive anything from anyone (which is how I tend to read the last sentence of the above quote), is not how we were created to live as relational beings. No doubt we can ‘use’ people to fill up our own inner deficiencies due to our own unhealth, but being as ‘detached’ or un-affected in our relationships with others as Walker sometimes describes seems to go too far for me.
Am I reading him wrong?
(1) Walker, Simon P. Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership. Carlisle: Piquant, 2007.
(2) Friedman, Edwin H., Margaret M. Treadwell, and Edward W. Beal. A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix. 10th anniversary revised edition. New York: Church Publishing, 2017.
(3) Walker, Simon P. Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership. Carlisle: Piquant, 2007. 9
(4) Poole, Eve. Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership. London; New York, NY: Bloomsbury Business, an imprint of Bloomsbury Publishing Plc, 2017. 57
(5) Walker, Simon P. Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership. Carlisle: Piquant, 2007. 9
(6) Kahneman, Daniel. Thinking, Fast and Slow. London: Penguin Books, 2012.
(7) Walker, Simon P. Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership. Carlisle: Piquant, 2007. 97
(8) Walker, Simon P. Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership. Carlisle: Piquant, 2007. 98-118
(9) Walker, Simon P. Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership. Carlisle: Piquant, 2007. 98
(10) Walker, Simon P. Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership. Carlisle: Piquant, 2007. 115
About the Author
Scott Dickie
10 responses to “Lots To Appreciate!”
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I appreciate your point about defending our egos and how the stakes are so high for ministry leaders. You ask the following questions:
Is there any way to create safe structures and environments for Pastors to speak up and ask for help before the implications get so costly? Would more Pastors speak if such an environment exists? Do any of you in other denominations have safe spaces for licenced clergy?
I don’t know the answers, but I’m curious if that is the direction your NPO is taking you? You’ve talked about incorporating emotional health into pastoral training, but are you also exploring how to establish “safe spaces” for clergy? I just want to affirm how needed it truly is. Our mission has a really strong member care group, which is getting at the same idea and I know from experience how valuable it is. Do you envision this being something provided by the denomination or more like an independent ministry where pastors can access mental health support?
Hi Kim. Our denomination has a few initiatives to create safe spaces for Christian leaders–outside counselling that is part of our benefits and access to Soul Care retreats and their leaders. It’s a bit, but, in my view, some further intentional expectations of each Pastor should be encouraged or even mandated (I’m thinking about things like spiritual direction, co-horts, etc.). As it relates to your question, my NPO will be focusing more on preventative measures through pre-training than appropriate avenues to take once one finds themselves struggling. Would love to include the other….but I am already struggling to keep my research topic to a manageable scope!
“if some such transaction was not taking place, they would be free to let go of the role when the community no longer needed them to do it”
I think the key word here is “some.”
I didn’t read this as an all-or-nothing sort of thing. I read this as when a long time volunteer is asked to step down they can experience loss in both realms: the loss of being able to serve others and the joy from truly serving with no strings attached AND the loss of whatever else it is they are receiving in return for serving, whether that be accolades, control, community, whatever.
I think of this guy I know who has volunteered in many different roles his entire retired life. He prides himself on the many roles in which he serves. Sometimes it is annoying – just being honest.
And I know this guy pretty well. He’s been a volunteer for some of the ministries for which I have worked. I can see in him a deep sense of wanting to help/serve others. He truly loves to serve AND, he gets a lot out of serving. Like I said, he prides himself on it. He gets accolades. He makes new friendships. I think he probably likes being “in the know” and having some control. Again though, it’s not an either/or. He is truly serving from an authentically good place and he is getting stuff in return.
So yes, there is “some” transaction taking place. It’s not entirely transaction but it’s not entirely not transaction.
Hi Kally,
Thanks for your thoughts…I know a few volunteers who struggle to let go for various reasons, often related to their own needs being met. I guess what I was challenging was Walker’s suggestion that receiving any kind of ‘good’ back means the person isn’t ‘free’. In that paragraph, I read it leaning towards, “If you don’t need anything from anyone, then you are free to lead.” If that’s where Walker is leaning….I would disagree.
Hey Sir Scott, as you continue to say, “the emotional formation of a leader is tragically neglected” which I definitely agree. Since you know more about this topic than me, could there be a chance that the pastors in your denomination leave for reasons like, unrealistic expectations of the congregation, church politics, normal stress of the job, the negative effect it has on his family, and/or just simply lonely/physically tired? I just want to know your insight on this subject. Oh, I lost forgot, as usual, great post! 😊
Great question Todd! It points to an important point as it relates to my research area: some Pastoral leavings are for good and right reasons. Some aren’t gifted for the role and need to find something new. Some want to try other vocations. Others are burned out by the external realities of leading a church and need a break. As it relates to this last group, they should take a break, but I would love for leaders to have the internal resources to handle the stresses and challenges in ways that are not burning them out. Perhaps a emotionally healthy Pastor recognizes the unhealth in their church and confronts it as a non-anxious presence and, if it doesn’t improve, they make the healthy choice to leave that community. That’s a good thing! If, however, they choose to leave ministry after that because they’ve been so hurt or worn-down, I would love to see them ‘get out’ sooner, get well, and continue on in the journey. Lots of scenarios out there….and I often say, “You can leave for the right reasons or the wrong reasons….and you can stay for the right reasons or the wrong reasons” so each person and circumstance is unique.
Hey Scott! I’m feeling your heart man…”I would love for leaders to have the internal resources to handle the stresses and challenges in ways that are not burning them out.” When we have those internal resources:
1. We are less discouraged by setbacks and disappointments.
2. We are more adaptable to change.
3. We are able to recognize and express our needs.
4. We focus on getting through a hurdle rather than on the hurdle itself.
5. We can learn from mistakes and criticism.
6. We tend to see the larger perspective in a challenging situation.
7. We are able to recover more quickly from emotional wounds such as failure or rejection.
I’m looking forward to reading your NPO!
Scott,
Your reflections about life and leadership in the church setting are right on. In a position of spiritual leadership, there is the element of accountability to the call (ordination) and the gospel. Then there are passages like James 3:1 and 1 Timothy 3:2-10 listing qualifications for those who teach/lead.
I am not sure if you are familiar with Discipleship Bands. My husband, Steve, a Lead Pastor, is in a Discipleship Band (I am in one too). Here is a link to explore: https://discipleshipbands.com/
He meets with two other pastors each week. The time begins with “Awake O Sleeper and Rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you.” Then participants work through a few questions:
1. How is it with your soul?
2. What are your struggles and successes?
3. How might the Spirit and Scriptures be speaking in your life?
WHEN YOU ARE READY TO GO DEEPER…
4. Do you have any sin that you want to confess?
5. Are there any secrets or hidden things you would like to share?
The time concludes with prayer. It is a powerful venue for leaders, to be able to engage in accountability and encouragement with a band of brothers, sisters, followers. It can be done with others outside of your immediate community too.
Just a resource to possibly explore. . .
Thanks Cathy….I will take a look at this. Those questions are great…and it made me think about how isolated leaders can end up feeling. My HOPE would be that each Pastor has one or two friends–and by friends I would include the dynamic/depth of the term ‘spiritual friendship’–that they could be processing their life and soul with (which would include a good portion of the questions you listed). This somewhat basic human expectation of having a friend would, I think, circumvent some of the Pastoral struggle out there (and how did we get to the place as Pastors where we preach about a ‘relational God’ and ‘we’re made for community’ and a lot of us don’t actually have any real friends?!? Front stage and Back stage issue? All that being said, even with a few good friends, intentional discipleship communities like the one you mention also fulfill an important role….so I look forward to checking out the website.
Scott,
Your work is so important. These questions:
Is there any way to create safe structures and environments for Pastors to speak up and ask for help before the implications get so costly?
Would more Pastors speak if such an environment exists?
Do any of you in other denominations have safe spaces for licensed clergy?
I have heard different variations of these questions asked but never fully answered. The environment, a safe environment, for Pastors to speak up is just not a common space. I have heard of Covenant Groups that have been for women in ministry and they have been successful, they have been non-denominational spaces. I pray that your work will help normalize the need for such spaces.
I also want to tell you how much I enjoy your posts. I appreciate the critical perspective you take and your ability to integrate other readings into your post. I always learn so much from reading them.