{"id":558,"date":"2013-11-01T21:56:00","date_gmt":"2013-11-01T21:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/beta.dminlgp.com\/?p=558"},"modified":"2014-08-13T21:35:54","modified_gmt":"2014-08-13T21:35:54","slug":"we-cant-all-be-like-sheldon-of-the-big-bang-theory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/we-cant-all-be-like-sheldon-of-the-big-bang-theory\/","title":{"rendered":"We Can’t All be like Sheldon of The Big Bang Theory"},"content":{"rendered":"

Am I doing anything right?\u00a0 This is the question that confronted me while reading Failure of Nerve <\/em>by Edwin Friedman.\"\"<\/p>\n

My church recently hired a new Executive Director \/Pastor.\u00a0 She has been very methodical in transforming our 40 employees into a very organized and accountable group of pastors and assistants \u2013 or so I thought.<\/p>\n

I conduct weekly \u201cfolder\u201d meetings with those who report to me, analyzing my colleagues\u2019 work and their personal leadership and spiritual growth.\u00a0 Metrics are used and many types of books are recommended to assess and develop their leadership, conflict resolution skills, and in understanding of our personalities.\u00a0 We also train on recognition of a person\u2019s ethnicity and culture and how those incorporate into a staff landscape.\u00a0 But to that, Friedman says \u201cno, don\u2019t do it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead of relying on the typical business models, data, methods and techniques, we should be shouting, out \u201cvision\u201d and reclaiming the type of Old World leadership that brought America and Europe to a new level of sophistication 500 years ago.\u00a0 We need to be differentiating ourselves from other\u2019s feelings, demands and reactionary decisions.\u00a0 Instead, we need to focus on one\u2019s own growth, which will optimize our decision-making ability.\u00a0 Maybe we\u2019ve got it backwards?<\/p>\n

Friedman believes our society is in regression regarding leadership and uses an example that hit home.\u00a0 He mentions a discussion between members who wanted the homeless to pay a little for meals instead of receiving free assistance.\u00a0 As a missions leader, this issue of how to help the needy comes up often, and I agree with his thoughts of requiring something financial from those who request.<\/p>\n

People will ask me, \u201cshould I give money to the beggars on the street corners holding cardboard signs that say need help?\u201d\u00a0 Every agency that works in the urban centers have advises me to say \u201cno\u201d \u2013 but that message falls on deaf ears for the most part.\u00a0 I am pleased to say that we do support one feeding center that charges $2 per meal.\u00a0 It\u2019s amazing how that simple relationship to normal society (charging instead of giving food for free) brings integrity and honor to those homeless who partake of the offer.<\/p>\n

Our Christian teaching tells us to diminish our selfishness and instead, include everyone in discussions, giving value to all, going out of the way to help the least.\u00a0 But Friedman talks about discovering our \u201cself\u201d as a way to evolve someone out of a regressive situation.\u00a0 He talks about empathy and the dangers represented there in a similar way that Sheldon, the star of the hit TV show the Big Bang Theory, relates to those around him, detached and disassociated.\u00a0 I think Sheldon would be a hero in Friedman\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Perhaps so, but it makes for un-enjoyable evenings of conversation!<\/p>\n

Differentiation caused me to reflect upon my wife, LeAnn, who has worked alongside me most of our married lives.\u00a0 As a pastor\u2019s wife, this can be a blessing or curse.\u00a0 Most of my career has been involved in music. LeAnn played piano, sang in my choirs, helped sponsor youth choir trips and even sang solos at the last minute when needed.\u00a0 But now, much has changed and it follows Friedman\u2019s central emphasis on differentiation.\u00a0 Since we\u2019ve landed at a large church and I\u2019m in missions rather than music, LeAnn doesn\u2019t have to be a \u201cpart\u201d of me.\u00a0 She can and has, picked her own areas of ministry, or decided not to participate in areas.<\/p>\n

This has cause some \u201csabotage\u201d as some want her to be what they, as church members, envision, but she is confident in where she is. \u00a0She is also working full-time in the medical research field, with friends, colleagues and ideas completely different than those in the church where we go and in which I minister.\u00a0 I feel that she has differentiated herself for the first-time.\u00a0 She is confident and speaks her mind, unworried about how it will affect me.\u00a0 She has grown in her intellectual pursuits and because of this, our marriage is in the best shape it has ever been in \u2013 primarily because she is at peace with her own existence \u2013 as Friedman would state.<\/p>\n

These ideas seem good until chapter 6 is read.\u00a0 One can see that Friedman is really \u201cexposing the dirty laundry\u201d of his personal feelings in this chapter. His five aspects of self-differentiation and \u201cold-world explorer\u201d examples push to the point of excess.\u00a0 The picture painted of one championing all aspects is sadly, a person that I would not want to be associated with.<\/p>\n

This book has some great insight and provides a needed look in the mirror at the evolution of leadership but lacks basic understanding of human dignity.\u00a0 In the end however (quoting Friedman), I would rather be an animal than a tree!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Am I doing anything right?\u00a0 This is the question that confronted me while reading Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman. My church recently hired a new Executive Director \/Pastor.\u00a0 She has been very methodical in transforming our 40 employees into a very organized and accountable group of pastors and assistants \u2013 or so I thought. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2,239,35],"class_list":["post-558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dminlgp","tag-freidman","tag-leadership","cohort-lgp3"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/558","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=558"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/558\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1891,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/558\/revisions\/1891"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=558"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=558"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}