{"id":5110,"date":"2015-05-23T17:53:45","date_gmt":"2015-05-24T00:53:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dminlgp\/?p=5110"},"modified":"2015-05-23T17:53:45","modified_gmt":"2015-05-24T00:53:45","slug":"parenting-for-success","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/parenting-for-success\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting for success"},"content":{"rendered":"

Amy Chua’s book,\u00a0Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother [1]<\/em>, \u00a0is a story about a Chinese\u00a0mother’s journey to raise her daughters within\u00a0American culture. \u00a0The book is introduced as a story about\u00a0cultural differences between American and Chinese parenting styles. \u00a0However, I found the book to be lacking in reality for what most families in American face, no matter what their cultural heritage. \u00a0Chua is a professor at\u00a0Yale Law School, and is married to man who is also a successful lawyer, professor, and author. \u00a0Her family\u00a0doesn’t live the typical life of most people in America, and opportunity has been granted to her via status and wealth. Reading her story, there were certain elements that resonated with me as I also set very high standards for my children. \u00a0However, I failed to see any life lessons or significant cultural insight\u00a0gained from reading the\u00a0book. \u00a0Instead, I found it a light, quick read that made me smile as I’ve experienced some similar scenarios with my own children.<\/p>\n

Throughout the book, Chua shared her relentless pursuit and push for success for her children. \u00a0She places extremely high expectations on her children – they must be the best. \u00a0The explanation for her actions is that her parenting style\u00a0is a result of her\u00a0Chinese heritage. \u00a0In comparison to what she calls Chinese parenting, she makes broad assumptions about American parenting. \u00a0Although Chua\u00a0admits that American parenting styles vary and that she knows there are exceptions, she leaves the impression that American’s just allow their children to make all of their own decisions with limited oversight and that\u00a0expectations are set at very low levels. \u00a0Chua lives in the Midwest, in a wealthy community. \u00a0I am an American parent with very, very high expectations for my children. \u00a0The American parent that Chua describes isn’t typical to what I see, and I am also from the Midwest. \u00a0I live in a community where education and musical achievement are both highly valued. \u00a0The difference that I see is that Chua has the wealth behind her in which to push her children farther than most parents can. \u00a0Music lessons, instruments, international travel, and time off of work to drive children to their various events takes money, and lots of it. \u00a0It also sounds as if Chua has some very influential connections, which allowed her children opportunities that others simply don’t have.<\/p>\n

I have to wonder if Chua’s personality type has more to do with her parenting than her Chinese background. \u00a0She shares a touching story about her sister, and in doing so gives the impression\u00a0that her sister has recommended she lighten up when it comes to her children. \u00a0While it sounds as if Chinese families (as a general rule) place much emphasis and focus on being very good academically and musically, I believe that there\u00a0was something even more that drove Chua to parent in the way that she did. \u00a0If being Chinese was the key factor, then the\u00a0account of her sister would have told a slightly different story. \u00a0It doesn’t sounds as if her sister has the same approach with her own children. \u00a0I have know several Chinese families, and\u00a0I have noticed that many\u00a0are very good\u00a0parents and take\u00a0an interest in their children’s success. \u00a0But, I haven’t seen that they consistently push their children as\u00a0far as Chua. \u00a0I am an INTJ, which is a rare personality type for a female. \u00a0As such, my own parenting style is stern, and I am more intense and focused on driving my children to success. \u00a0My expectation is that my children succeed. \u00a0They are very smart and talented, and as such they require parenting above the norm. \u00a0Autonomy, achievement, critical thinking and perseverance are all qualities that I expect from my children. \u00a0At times, my children have said that I take things too far. \u00a0But, I also know that they are learning to succeed. \u00a0It makes me feel good when they express that they are thankful that I didn’t allow them to go\u00a0down the wrong paths as children (says the 16 and 21 year old:)). \u00a0I admit that I love it when my children\u00a0say, “thank goodness you didn’t let me act like them”, or similar.<\/p>\n

Today, I am very proud that I have a daughter who is successfully journeying through college to become a veterinarian (biology major, chemistry minor, and equestrian minor). \u00a0I know that she will be successful. \u00a0This has been her dream since she was 9 years old. \u00a0But, I can’t take the credit for her success. \u00a0I am thankful that the Lord has given her gifts and talents, and a vision for her future. \u00a0She has worked very hard and has an intuitive\u00a0drive for success that she was born with. \u00a0I couldn’t have successfully pushed her so hard if she wasn’t born with a natural capability. \u00a0God knew that we both needed each other – and it turns out that she\u00a0is an INTJ also. \u00a0My son is very much like his father. \u00a0He requires\u00a0a different parenting approach, but is also quite gifted. \u00a0His talent is music. \u00a0I don’t have to stand over him for hours per day, as Chua did her own children, in order to get him to practice. \u00a0He does this himself. \u00a0I’ve learned that I must trust the Lord with my children, and that my job is to help grow and polish the talents he gave them. \u00a0 Trusting isn’t always easy, but He gives me the intuition and wisdom needed. \u00a0Sometimes I make mistakes, but my mistakes\u00a0don’t define my children’s success. \u00a0All of this said, I believe that Chua fails to recognize the unique nature that God gives each person (including her children), regardless of their cultural background. \u00a0When I read her story, I found her own personality, children’s personalities, wealth and status, ethnic background, and own life experience to\u00a0all be influencing factors that contributed to her parenting style and children’s response.<\/p>\n

After reading the book, I came away with the feeling that Chua\u00a0used her ethnicity\u00a0to excuse mistakes that she made in parenting. \u00a0I was adopted from birth, and don’t know my own ethnic background. \u00a0There have been times in life where it is evident that I beat to a slightly different drum than the rest of my family. \u00a0This being said, I know that there are ethnic character traits that are common and can be seen in families. \u00a0Parenting styles tend to\u00a0pass from generation to generation, so sometimes there may be\u00a0a blurry line between what is considered ethnic vs. family styles of\u00a0parenting. \u00a0There are things that I do with my own children that are passed forward from my family. \u00a0We call this\u00a0the “Gardner” way. \u00a0My Christian heritage is also reflected in my parenting. \u00a0At the end of my life, I want my success in parenting to be measured by my own obedience to Christ and by the fact that I raised my children to know Christ and to be successful in their own, unique calling. \u00a0In the end of Chua’s book, I wonder\u00a0what her definition of success for her children is today. \u00a0I didn’t see any indicator that she felt her girls were successful, but instead I heard disappointment that they had gone their own ways instead of her way.<\/p>\n

[1] Chua, Amy.\u00a0Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother<\/i>. New York: Penguin Press, \u00a92011.<\/p>\n

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Amy Chua’s book,\u00a0Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother [1], \u00a0is a story about a Chinese\u00a0mother’s journey to raise her daughters within\u00a0American culture. \u00a0The book is introduced as a story about\u00a0cultural differences between American and Chinese parenting styles. \u00a0However, I found the book to be lacking in reality for what most families in American face, no […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[644,484],"class_list":["post-5110","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-chua","tag-dawnel-volzke","cohort-lgp5"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5110","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/38"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5110"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5110\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5113,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5110\/revisions\/5113"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5110"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5110"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5110"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}