{"id":42727,"date":"2025-12-01T17:31:11","date_gmt":"2025-12-02T01:31:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=42727"},"modified":"2025-12-01T17:31:11","modified_gmt":"2025-12-02T01:31:11","slug":"mapping-the-hidden-self-thresholds-in-the-soul-and-identity-of-a-leader","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/mapping-the-hidden-self-thresholds-in-the-soul-and-identity-of-a-leader\/","title":{"rendered":"Mapping the Hidden Self: Thresholds in the Soul and Identity of a Leader"},"content":{"rendered":"

Over the last several months, Friedman and Walker have drawn me into an unexpected inner conversation, one that has reshaped how I think about leadership, identity, and the kind of person I want to become.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Both authors insist that leadership is not, at its core, about motivating, influencing, fixing, or controlling others. <\/span>Leadership is about who I am becoming<\/b>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This simple but disruptive insight has touched some of my deepest anxieties and growth edges. I now see that the real work of leadership is <\/span>interior work.<\/span><\/i> It involves noticing the hidden places where I seek approval, where I protect myself, and where I am tempted to measure my worth by my contributions and achievements rather than by God\u2019s delight in me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I know myself well enough to understand how my Enneagram personality patterns shape these dynamics. Scoring very high Three energy with almost as high Two energy, I am driven to achieve and contribute, yet I also long for connection, significance, and affirmation. This combination makes undefended leadership particularly challenging. I want to shine, but I also want to stay in a warm, mutual relationship with others.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Making space for others to lead\u2014especially in areas that feel core to <\/span>my<\/span><\/i> identity<\/span><\/i>\u2014touches a vulnerable place in me. Sometimes I am genuinely delighted to see others flourish, and other times I feel frustrated that I must give up doing something I love and where I have competence, to others, regardless of their level of competence.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This tension is one of my most significant growth edges. It calls me to live into my own emerging leadership triad: being <\/span>Connected, Courageous, and Confident<\/b> (which are the more \u201cpositive\u201d terms I developed, instead of <\/span>non-anxious, undefended, <\/span><\/i>and <\/span>differentiated, <\/span><\/i>respectively).<\/span><\/p>\n

The Growth Edge<\/h2>\n

A recurring example brings this home vividly. In every church I have served, including my current congregation, worship leadership has been one of the primary ways I connect with God. While I <\/span>can<\/span><\/i> worship in the pews, something in me comes alive when I\u2019m leading music. So when pastors give others opportunities to lead, it often stirs a quiet sense of loss\u2014sometimes even the irrational feeling of being overlooked or displaced. I know intellectually this isn\u2019t true; I know that both people and God value my contributions. Yet emotionally, it stirs that inner conflict between wanting to contribute and wanting to stay connected.<\/span><\/p>\n

Friedman\u2019s explanation that he hopes to \u201cencourage leaders to focus first on their own integrity and on the nature of their own presence\u201d [1] has helped me reframe these moments. Rather than reacting from anxiety or withdrawing in disappointment, I am learning to articulate who I am and what I value with clarity and calm:<\/span><\/p>\n

I love leading worship; it is central to how I connect with God. I also value sharing leadership so the whole body can flourish. I want to participate fully and to celebrate others fully. This requires inner balance and trust in God\u2019s orchestration of our shared ministry.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Focusing on what sort of presence I bring into a room or conversation is helping me respond thoughtfully rather than react thoughtlessly. It allows me to stay <\/span>connected without being fused<\/b>, <\/span>courageous without being defensive, <\/b>and <\/span>confident without being controlling<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Walker pushes me even further. His invitation to undefended leadership exposes the deeper truth: when I feel threatened by needing to step back, it reveals something backstage\u2014there must be some old pattern or unmet emotional need that still seeks security through performance, visibility, or affirmation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Walker\u2019s description of the Shaping Ego\u2014energized by self-assured leadership [2]\u2014alongside the Defining Ego\u2014\u201doften the highest achievers, able to marshal considerable personal resources of discipline, focus and self-belief\u201d [3]\u2014 helped me understand why stepping back sometimes feels like a knife-wound to my self-identity.<\/span><\/p>\n

His work invites me to lead with interior freedom: to celebrate others, to step back when necessary, and to allow God to hold my identity more firmly than any role ever could. This is the work of <\/span>courageous undefendedness<\/b>; it\u2019s an aspirational threshold that requires persistent grace.<\/span><\/p>\n

Thresholds of the Soul<\/h2>\n

As I look back across my formation, I can see several \u201cthresholds of the soul\u201d I have crossed. One is realizing that leadership presence is not a static trait but a <\/span>process of becoming<\/b>. I now see myself as someone moving from <\/span>Fragmented Presence<\/b> to <\/span>Integrated Presence<\/b>, and slowly into <\/span>Coherent Presence<\/b>\u2014that state where my inner world is aligned, steady, and grounded in God.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Another threshold is understanding that my leadership flows from how I relate not only to others, but to God and to my own story. Leadership for me is now a whole-life calling, not a role-specific activity. It includes how I show up in my relationships, how I navigate my ego-shape, and how I experience attachment with God.<\/span><\/p>\n

Intellectually, the frameworks from this program have been quietly transforming me, sometimes even before I realized it. My Substack reflections from last summer already reflected the seeds of these ideas. The Three Zones of Leadership Presence and the Three C\u2019s [4] have become lenses through which I now understand systems, ego defenses, and differentiation. Emotionally, I am learning to soften, to be less defended, and to trust my identity more deeply.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Spiritually, the <\/span>Cycle of Grace<\/b> (by Trevor Hudson and Jerry P. Haas) has been a lifeline. I brought it into my doctoral project for others because it has become the pattern for how I want to live: beginning with the knowledge that I am deeply loved by God, resting in that identity, and allowing everything else to flow from God\u2019s presence. [5]\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

New thresholds continue to emerge, though I cannot yet name them. God has surprised me too many times for me to assume I know what comes next. What I do know is that courageous undefendedness is an invitation I must keep praying into, one day at a time. My morning walks with our dogs\u2014sometimes with my husband, sometimes alone\u2014have become small altars of grounding, joy, and quiet presence. My close friendships and Bible study group provide spaces where I am known, supported, and held. These relationships keep me connected, courageous, and confident.<\/span><\/p>\n

This integrated way of understanding myself\u2014intellectually, emotionally, spiritually\u2014deepens my sense of vocation. I hope to continue coaching and offering spiritual direction, but I am also longing to guide other leaders through this journey toward coherent presence and flourishing. Ultimately, flourishing is what God desires for all His people. And as I continue becoming a leader who rests in her belovedness and who is connected, courageous, and confident, I hope to help others flourish as well.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

On a personal note: Thank you, dear fellow doctoral travelers, for your kindness, compassion, honesty, vulnerability, and service to the Kingdom of God. I will sincerely miss each one of you. Dr. Jason, that includes you! \ud83d\ude42\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

1 – Edwin H. Friedman, <\/span>A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/span><\/i>, rev. ed. (New York: Church Publishing, 2017), 14.<\/span><\/p>\n

2 – Simon Walker, <\/span>Leading Out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership<\/span><\/i> (Carlisle, UK: Piquant Editions, 2007), 66.<\/span><\/p>\n

3 – Walker, 74.<\/span><\/p>\n

4 – Deborah Owen, \u201cWhat\u2019s Missing in Most Leadership Teaching Today,\u201d <\/span>Rooted & Rising<\/span><\/i> (Substack), August 16, 2025,<\/span> https:\/\/debbieowen.substack.com\/p\/whats-missing-in-most-leadership<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

5 – Trevor Hudson and Jerry Haas, <\/span>The Cycle of Grace: Living in Sacred Balance<\/span><\/i> (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2010), 6.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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