{"id":42557,"date":"2025-11-12T06:29:55","date_gmt":"2025-11-12T14:29:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=42557"},"modified":"2025-11-11T08:03:29","modified_gmt":"2025-11-11T16:03:29","slug":"confronting-whats-on-the-inside-with-self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/confronting-whats-on-the-inside-with-self-compassion\/","title":{"rendered":"Confronting What\u2019s on the Inside with Self-compassion"},"content":{"rendered":"

In <\/span>Healing Leadership Trauma : Finding Emotional Health and Helping Others Flourish<\/em>,<\/span> Nicholas Rowe and Sheila Wise Rowe argue that leaders must confront their own past and wounds to actually lead others to places of flourishing and wholeness. [1] This book invites leaders away from predominating field of techniques and external competencies to engage with a less-travelled road: the inner life of emotional and spiritual health. I resonate with their challenge to \u201c<\/span>find the grace, compassion, and courage to see, hear, and speak good and messy truths about why and how we lead.\u201d [2]<\/span><\/p>\n

This aligns with some very familiar authors who have also been important to me as a leader, helping me to pay attention to the warning signs that if I don\u2019t deal with what\u2019s on the inside, it will come out in unhealthy ways. In 1972, Henri Nouwen developed these concepts in The Wounded Healer,<\/em> inviting a leader to <\/span>be in tune with their own wounds to deepen empathy and connection with others. [3] Mindy Caliguire, founder of Soul Care, <\/em>shares openly about her experience in 1995, when \u201cher body shut down from overwork, hidden exhaustion and spiritual depletion\u2026 She described her soul as on fire, brittle and dry\u201d. [4] This inspired Caliguire to develop Soul Care, an organization that blends spiritual direction, counselling and coaching to help leaders find replenishment and ongoing flourishing. Edwin Friedman\u2019s posthumous work from 2007 helped me to pay attention to my level of emotional maturity, understanding the links between personal and professional life. [5] In 2015, Peter Scazzero offered The Emotionally Healthy Leader,<\/em> which helped me to not default into prioritizing outputs of ministry life over personal relationships and spiritual health, which he argues leads to fragmentation and depletion. [6] All of these form the \u2018what\u2019 that I face in leadership, but Rowe and Wise Rowe mine for any connection of these \u2018stressors\u2019 to the past by attending more to the \u2018why\u2019 and \u2018how\u2019 of leadership. They write,<\/p>\n

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Those triggers may cause us to reexperience past hurt and trauma psychosocially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, or interpersonally. If leaders do not attend to this reality, they are especially susceptible to reenactment, which is when trauma in our past that has not been resolved follows us into new situations that remind us of the past. [7]<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

They affirm the theological gift of a Trinitarian bond out of which the deep needs of our souls can be fully met, [8] but do not permit any spiritual by-passing or hyper spiritualization. In fact, they immediately jump into the other factors that can easily sink a leader. I see a resonance with the Apostle Paul\u2019s familiar confession, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15, 19). Fully alive to the Holy Spirit, there is still a conflict within us (Galatians 5:17). Rowe and Wise Rowe guide me to consider how past trauma affects <\/span>a hunger for attachment, a fixation on satisfying my own needs (giving into temptation), or buying into the Western imagination called self-sufficiency. [9]<\/span><\/p>\n

I recognize how important this ongoing inner work is, not only for my own wholeness, but for the restoration of relationships as well. And in this way, there is an more informative map that comes from connecting a deep emotional intelligence and soul well-being with the practical integration of both self-compassion and ongoing attention to healing from trauma.<\/p>\n

Rowe and Wise Rowe\u2019s call for self-compassion aligns with a realization that comes from reaction to trauma, especially in moments of dysregulation. In their chapter on restored relationships, they spoke specifically to how transference can occur as a projection of unmet needs and feelings from our own past. I appreciate the challenge to catch these teachable moments so that<\/p>\n

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Transference can become a spark God uses to identify unresolved issues of the past. As we surrender and ask for God\u2019s help in yet another failed attempt to set things right, the Holy Spirit brings revelation and conviction about our relating so that we can follow what he is saying and experience deeper attachment to him. [10]<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Bessel van der Kolk writes in The Body Keeps The Score<\/em>, \u201cOnce you recognize that post-traumatic reactions started off as efforts to save your life, you may gather the courage to face your inner music (or cacophony), but you will need help to do so.\u2019 [11]\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As a follower of Jesus, and a Christian leader embarking on the latter half of my leadership, I find this challenge so critical, to embody self-compassion for the things I still need to face as they surface, and ongoing attention to points of healing that emerge in my body and soul.<\/p>\n

I simply pray, \u201cmake these things true of me.\u201d Thanks to God for full acceptance, patient encouragement, and healing inside and out.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

____________<\/p>\n

[1] Nicholas Rowe and Sheila Wise Rowe, <\/span>Healing Leadership Trauma: Finding Emotional Health and Helping Others Flourish<\/span><\/em>, (1st ed. Westmont: InterVarsity Press), 2024.<\/span><\/p>\n

[2]\u00a0Healing<\/em>, 8.<\/p>\n

[3] Henri J. M. Nouwen, <\/span>The Wounded Healer : Ministry in Contemporary Society<\/span><\/em>, (New York: Image), 2013.<\/span><\/p>\n

[4] \u201cAbout Soul Care.\u201d n.d. Accessed November 11, 2025. https:\/\/www.soulcare.com\/about-us.<\/span><\/p>\n

[5] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve : Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix,<\/em> (10th Anniversary, Revised Edition, New York: Church Publishing Incorporated), 2017.<\/span><\/p>\n

[6] Peter Scazzero, <\/span>The Emotionally Healthy Leader : How Transforming Your Inner Life Will Deeply Transform Your Church, Team, and the World<\/span><\/em>, (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan), 2015,\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[7] Healing,<\/em> 14.<\/p>\n

[8] Healing,<\/em> 27.<\/p>\n

[9] Healing, <\/em>Chapters 3,4,&5.<\/span><\/p>\n

[10] Healing, <\/em>128.<\/span><\/p>\n

[11] Bessel A. Van der Kolk, <\/span>The Body Keeps the Score : Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma<\/em>,<\/span>\u00a0(New York, New York: Viking), 2014, 213.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In Healing Leadership Trauma : Finding Emotional Health and Helping Others Flourish, Nicholas Rowe and Sheila Wise Rowe argue that leaders must confront their own past and wounds to actually lead others to places of flourishing and wholeness. [1] This book invites leaders away from predominating field of techniques and external competencies to engage with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":203,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3504],"class_list":["post-42557","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dlgp03-rowe","cohort-dlgp03"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42557","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/203"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42557"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42557\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42558,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42557\/revisions\/42558"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42557"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42557"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42557"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}