Throughout history, people have disagreed, feuded, and gone to war over being so passionate about being right for whatever the cause might have been. Today, we don\u2019t have to look too far to find news outlets posting violence related stories or social media posts ranting about a political apostacy or passionately fighting over injustices. At what point do we say, enough?<\/p>\n
As I was reading this book, I started considering why and how my family seems different than what I consider to be now normative responses to differences among groups and ideologies. It isn\u2019t that we don\u2019t have strong opinions but our methods for dealing with them do seem different. I have been accused of being a coward or indifferent because I don\u2019t post much online or call out people whose ideas are opposite mine. Maybe so, but I don\u2019t think<\/em> so. Let me digress a moment.<\/p>\n Influences <\/strong><\/p>\n For 13 months Frank became a part of our family. Prior to that year, we hadn\u2019t thought about adding another person, let alone having a high school senior boy live in our home while raising 2 daughters for a whole year. Yet, saying no wasn\u2019t even in our mindset. Participating in international exchange has been something our family had been involved, either directly or indirectly for a number of years. My husband spent a gap year between high school and college to study in Germany while living with a family. Over the course of several summers, we hosted four-week summer exchange students focused on cultural exposure. For a number of years, our Presbyterian church partnered with a local Catholic church in Pennsylvania to bring about 40 children each summer to the States for the Children\u2019s International Village, a faith-based initiative where children from Northern Ireland and Ireland would live with families who practiced a different faith than that of the children. The hope was that if children could see people living in peace who were different, they might grow to envision it in their home countries. Finally, both of our daughters spent a college semester in Europe. Each experience taught us valuable lessons \u00a0about ourselves and the people who live, speak, think, and believe differently than us. Specifically, we learned that kindness is a universal language, that curiosity goes a long way toward understanding and that differences don\u2019t need to threaten who we were as individuals and a family.<\/p>\n Difficult Conversations<\/strong><\/p>\n In How to Have Impossible Conversations, A Very Practical Guide<\/em>, Authors Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay give concrete ways to partner in civil conversations with someone who could see life, politics, religion, ethics, morals, work interests, and much more differently from others. Some of the ones that stood out to me were:<\/p>\n Practical Application<\/strong><\/p>\n The tools that the authors offered \u00a0gave this book practical value. One final concept rings true both in my personal and work settings, the ability to change my mind. While I hope an errant employee might have a change of mind. I too must be willing to consider when it might be helpful if I change my mind. Reflecting back to my family\u2019s involvement with international exchanges, I see that the time spent with someone in our home gave us the time to really get to know one another. We were not just a sum of shallow stereotypes to each other. We learned to work through language barriers, differences in diet, recreation preferences, and more. I am sure that these experiences impact how I approach difficult conversations \u00a0at work. Taking the time to listen and care about someone allows the person to process their concerns with dignity. I also see value in walking away from a conversation when it gets stale or the person shows no sign of openness to consider alternative behaviors. In keeping with a growth mindset, I would like to practice reflectively summarizing critical conversations when I am not sure I completely understand the person\u2019s perceptions of a situation. Regardless of the setting, if someone feels that she has been heard and understood, there is greater chance for resolution of differences in the workplace and beyond.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Peter Boghossian, and James Lindsay, How to Have Impossible Conversations, A Very Practical Guide<\/em>, (New York, NY, Hachette Books, 2019), 11.<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Carol Dweck, Mindset, Changing The Way You Think To Fulfil Your Potential<\/em>, (New York, NY, Random House, 2006), 33.<\/p>\n\n