{"id":41963,"date":"2025-09-03T05:36:52","date_gmt":"2025-09-03T12:36:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=41963"},"modified":"2025-09-03T05:36:52","modified_gmt":"2025-09-03T12:36:52","slug":"rare-is-not-impossible","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/rare-is-not-impossible\/","title":{"rendered":"RARE is not Impossible"},"content":{"rendered":"

Reading Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay\u2019s book, How to Have<\/em> Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide,<\/em> reminded me of hundreds of conversations I have had with my Muslim friends. As a Christian, I believe in absolute truth. I take Jesus literally when he says, \u201cI am\u00a0the way\u00a0and the truth\u00a0and the life.\u00a0No one comes to the Father except through me.\u201d[1]<\/a> He is the only way to eternal life.<\/p>\n

According to Boghossian and Lindsay, that makes me an\u00a0ideologue<\/em>, \u201cone who is unwilling or unable to revise their (moral) beliefs.\u201d [2]<\/a> When it comes to salvation and a personal relationship with God, I cannot and will not change my belief. Many of my Muslim friends are equally firm in their faith. How, then, can two ideologues have a meaningful conversation? There\u2019s a reason these are called\u00a0impossible<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The book, “How to Have Impossible Conversations,” <\/em>outlines tactics for progressing from beginner conversations to expert levels, ultimately addressing how to engage with those who seem immovable. From my own experience, I\u2019ve seen that many of these methods work. What intrigued me most was the \u201cMaster Level,\u201d which deals directly with ideologues. [3]<\/a> \u00a0Typically, I walk away or change the subject in these moments, but I wanted to learn how to stay engaged longer.<\/p>\n

As I studied their ideas, I noticed how well they align with Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder\u2019s RARE leadership habits:\u00a0remain relational, act like yourself, return to joy, and endure hardship well.[4]<\/a><\/p>\n

Boghossian and Linsay recommend five steps for dealing with ideologues:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Acknowledge their intention and affirm their identity as a good, moral person\u2014especially if you find their beliefs repugnant.<\/li>\n
  2. Change the subject to underlying values.<\/li>\n
  3. Invite a deeper conversation about those underlying values.<\/li>\n
  4. Induce doubt in their moral epistemology by helping them question the way they derive their moral beliefs.<\/li>\n
  5. Allow the tether between the belief and the moral epistemology to sever on its own.[5]<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    On paper, this seems tactical and precise, but how do I apply this in my context of real friendships with Muslims I love and respect? The first question I must ask is: why do I want them to change their beliefs? Is it to prove that I am right? Is it to show that they are wrong? Or because I long for them to know the same deep relationship that I have with Jesus? I want the last reason to be true, but if I am honest, my motives often lead toward the first two.<\/p>\n

    When my true motivation is love, \u201crelationship\u201d should be prioritized over tactics. Warner and Wilder stress this in RARE Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead: <\/em>we must \u201cremain relational.\u201d[6]<\/a> Recognizing someone as made in the image of God allows me to affirm them as a person.<\/p>\n

    Steps two and three shift the conversation to the ideologue’s beliefs and values. Here is where tension often rises. This is where I must act like myself\u2014a person with the heart of Christ within me.<\/em>[7]<\/a> My identity is not defined by convincing them of my values; it is in my relationship with Jesus and living that out.<\/p>\n

    Step four is questioning how the ideologue arrived at their beliefs. This can trigger me to become defensive. As tensions rise, I must remember to return to joy <\/em>and \u201clet peace be the referee of the strong emotions.\u201d[8]<\/a><\/p>\n

    The last step in conversations with ideologues is to allow the person to grapple with how they arrived at their moral beliefs and what they do with them now at the end of the conversation. Boghossian and Lindsay wisely warn against the challenges one will face at this level of dialogue. They conclude that if there is any movement toward change it will be in \u201ctiny increments.\u201d[9]<\/a> Accepting these minuscule results is a way to endure hardship well.[10]<\/a><\/em> A RARE leader endures hardship well by going back to the other characteristics in remaining relational, acting like oneself, and returning to joy.[11]<\/a><\/p>\n

    As I continue conversations with my Muslim friends, I hope to apply these tactics courageously, remembering to be a RARE leader, mindful of who I represent. Even the smallest movements toward truth can bring glory to God.<\/p>\n

    \n

    [1]<\/a> John 14:6 New International Version.<\/p>\n

    [2]<\/a> Peter Boghossian and James A. Lindsay, How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide<\/em>, Kindle ed. (Lifelong Books, 2020), 157.<\/p>\n

    [3]<\/a> Peter Boghossian and James A. Lindsay, How to Have Impossible Conversations, <\/em>157.<\/p>\n

    [4]<\/a> Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead<\/em> (Moody Publishers, 2016), 13-14.<\/p>\n

    [5]<\/a> Peter Boghossian and James A. Lindsay, How to Have Impossible Conversations, <\/em>160.<\/p>\n

    [6]<\/a> Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership<\/em>, 123.<\/p>\n

    [7]<\/a> Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, <\/em>141.<\/p>\n

    [8]<\/a> Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, <\/em>159.<\/p>\n

    [9]<\/a> Peter Boghossian and James A. Lindsay, How to Have Impossible Conversations, <\/em>167.<\/p>\n

    [10]<\/a> Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, <\/em>175.<\/p>\n

    [11]<\/a> Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder, Rare Leadership, <\/em>188.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Reading Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay\u2019s book, How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide, reminded me of hundreds of conversations I have had with my Muslim friends. As a Christian, I believe in absolute truth. I take Jesus literally when he says, \u201cI am\u00a0the way\u00a0and the truth\u00a0and the life.\u00a0No one comes to the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":206,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3212,2967,2624],"class_list":["post-41963","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-boghossian","tag-dlgp03","tag-lindsay","cohort-dlgp03"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41963","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/206"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41963"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41963\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41964,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41963\/revisions\/41964"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41963"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41963"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41963"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}