{"id":41958,"date":"2025-09-02T20:55:09","date_gmt":"2025-09-03T03:55:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=41958"},"modified":"2025-09-02T20:55:09","modified_gmt":"2025-09-03T03:55:09","slug":"words-are-windows-escaping-enemy-mode-and-speaking-the-truth-in-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/words-are-windows-escaping-enemy-mode-and-speaking-the-truth-in-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Words Are Windows: Escaping Enemy Mode and Speaking the Truth in Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

Words are Windows (or They’re Walls)<\/b>
\n<\/b> by Ruth Bebermeyer<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I feel so sentenced by your words,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

I feel so judged and sent away,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Before I go, I’ve got to know\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Is that what you mean to say?\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Before I rise to my defense,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Before I speak and hurt or fear,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Before I build that wall of words,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Tell me, did I really hear?\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Words are windows, or they’re walls,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

They sentence us, or set us free.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

When I speak and when I hear,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Let the love light shine through me.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

There are things I need to say,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Things that mean so much to me,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

If my words don’t make me clear,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Will you help me to be free?\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

If I seemed to put you down,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

If you felt I didn’t care,\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Try to listen through my words\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

To the feelings that we share.\u00a0<\/span><\/em>[1]<\/span><\/p>\n

——-<\/p>\n

I kept my mouth shut.<\/span><\/p>\n

This was progress. For too many years of my life, I had been too impulsive. I can feel passionately about a topic, and once in a while, it\u2019s hard not to engage.<\/span><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t even remember what the issue was about anymore. I just remember how I felt at the time. Clenched fists. Shallow breathing. A tight jaw. Wanting to scream at her. Wondering what was wrong with her.<\/span><\/p>\n

I now know that I had entered <\/span>enemy mode<\/b>, a neurobiological state where the brain perceives the person in front of you as a threat. In a protective response, they become something less than human: a danger, a problem, an \u201cother.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I was attempting to have an impossible conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n

When was the last time <\/span>you<\/span> had an impossible conversation?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Maybe it was about politics. Or a theological issue. Or race. Or the pandemic. Maybe it was with a parent, a pastor, a coworker, or even your spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n

And how do you know it was impossible?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Not just because no one changed their mind, but because something in the <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/i> broke. You felt dismissed or defensive, outraged or shut down.<\/span><\/p>\n

We often think of \u201cimpossible\u201d conversations as being about hard topics. But the truth is: conversations become impossible not because of what they\u2019re about, but because of <\/span>how our brains and bodies react<\/b> to conflict.<\/span><\/p>\n

If we want to reclaim the possibility of transformation\u2014both in ourselves and others\u2014we have to look at <\/span>how<\/span><\/i> we speak, <\/span>what<\/span><\/i> we carry into the room, and <\/span>who<\/span><\/i> we are becoming in the process.<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s examine a path forward; not a quick fix, but a way of staying <\/span>relational<\/b>, <\/span>grounded<\/b>, and <\/span>grace-filled<\/b> in the middle of tension. We\u2019ll look at what neuroscience and spiritual formation teach us about:<\/span><\/p>\n