{"id":41739,"date":"2025-04-18T07:54:50","date_gmt":"2025-04-18T14:54:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=41739"},"modified":"2025-04-19T03:51:17","modified_gmt":"2025-04-19T10:51:17","slug":"wants-values-therapy-fire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wants-values-therapy-fire\/","title":{"rendered":"Wants, Values, Therapy & Fire."},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s unsettling how much intentionality is required to spend our hours doing what we want to do. In our transcendence through the information age into now limitless potential and possibilities, creators and leaders are paralyzed by freedom. \u00a0The biggest obstacles creators (entrepreneurs, knowledge workers, pastors, artists, writers, etc) face is knowing what they are supposed to be working on and moving in the direction of that work with sustained momentum.<\/p>\n

\u00a0What do I want?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The cursor has been blinking for quite some time on the other side of that question. That question can seem trivial, selfish, or unrealistic depending on the defaults[1]<\/a><\/strong>structuring your nervous system, circumstances, and worldview. Regardless of the judgements your psyche places on that question, it would still be nice to know.<\/p>\n

For those who follow or depend on you, personally and professionally, \u201cdo they know what you value most?…..Do you know what you value most?… Do they know the one thing that\u2019s most important?\u201d[2]<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

These questions asked to Shane Parish (former intelligence agent turned knowledge entrepreneur) by his mentor, gave me pause.<\/p>\n

How Do Values Influence Behavior?<\/h2>\n

If I could answer that question, I wonder if it would reveal what is leading my activity, decisions, and behaviors. Or, if I am mostly influenced by other factors internally and externally? Internal things like traumas, core fears, and repressed parts of myself trying not to be triggered. External things like cultural expectations, safety, and comfort. Certainly these factors affect the way I experience my trajectory toward purpose and calling, but is my core value strong enough to hold them in tension and keep me moving forward?<\/p>\n

And what about a family and community? Does my core value change and morph to take on a new shape as I integrate into the responsibility of being with and leading others? Is it inherent or learned? Is it given to me by a faith tradition, philosophy, or ethos – or has it been there as a unique part of my identity from the beginning, waiting to be discovered and lived into?<\/p>\n

I am building a connection here between what I value most, leading to a statement about what I want. It seems important in this world of limitless needs, problems, and opportunities to be able to say that plainly \u2013 to myself and to others who care about me or need me. And equally important to be able to ask those I lead the question and help them discover their answer.<\/p>\n

Core Values & Existential Psychotherapy<\/h2>\n

In a therapy session at the VA, a student trained in existential psychotherapy led me through an exercise with a deck of values cards[3]<\/a>. The cards were based on the Theory of Basic Human Values pioneered by social psychologist Shalom H. Schwartz.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

57 individual values (loyal, social justice, freedom, authority, respect for tradition, ect) are categorized into 10 different themes (tradition, power, universalism, security, ect.). You place each card into 3 different piles:<\/p>\n

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  1. Very Important<\/li>\n
  2. Somewhat Important<\/li>\n
  3. Not Important<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Next you narrow the cards in pile 1 down to 10 cards. Then to 5 cards. Then to 3 cards. Then to 1 card. Parrish mentions multiple times in his book, making the invisible visible. This is precisely what this exercise did for me. It revealed the single most important value I currently held, as well as the categories of values I find important and the ones I do not. This brought so much clarity to tensions in my marriage, misses with colleagues, and challenges with authority figures and institutions I had been a part of.<\/p>\n

    What we did not get to in my therapy session was peeling back the layers of where that value may have come from – whether it was a survival value, a conditioned value, a reasoned value, or something truly from my authentic presence and purpose in the world. Maybe those distinctions are not as clean cut as I would like them to be.<\/p>\n

    The Hope of Becoming Fully Alive<\/h2>\n

    I\u2019m noticing that clarity around those top values, has given me the confidence to direct my limited energy and time toward the people, problems, and projects that I can give myself fully to. It has also revealed the ego \u201cyeses\u201d that I toss about liberally that are not sustainable or in line with what I truly value. There are many worthy pursuits and possibilities in this world. There is much need and longing to make things right. The path to purpose is fraught with misalignment and missed expectations. The great theologian, mystic, and civil rights leader, Howard Thurman said \u201cDon\u2019t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.\u201d[4]<\/a> My hope is that I can accept for myself and offer to others the gift of being fully alive in the beauty of our uniqueness and finitude. And with that clarity design, build, and extend that beauty to places where it is not.<\/p>\n

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    [1]<\/a> Shane Parrish, Clear Thinking: Turning Ordinary Moments into Extraordinary Results, 10<\/p>\n