{"id":41235,"date":"2025-03-15T14:58:09","date_gmt":"2025-03-15T21:58:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=41235"},"modified":"2025-03-15T14:58:09","modified_gmt":"2025-03-15T21:58:09","slug":"ego-protection-shadow-resurrection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/ego-protection-shadow-resurrection\/","title":{"rendered":"Ego Protection \/ Shadow Resurrection"},"content":{"rendered":"

The ego is our dominant personality. The ego is not a bad thing, in fact it is part of our survival and protection. It is our persona (Latin for mask worn by an actor) that has been formed over years and decades, to get us what we want and need out of life. The ego protects us from the things unhelpful to our acceptance in our culture. All the things it deems unhelpful \u2013 such as crying in front of others, sharing a dream, playfulness, trusting strangers, singing\/dancing in public, taking a day off \u2013 these things belong to the shadow. The shadow is the container of all the things that do not get us acceptance. As the years go by, we build up quite a collection. Robert Bly calls the shadow \u201cthe long bag we drag behind us.\u201d[1]<\/a> The natural desires we have, that are stuffed in the shadow bag, do not go away. They fester and grow perverse without light. They become a source of internal shame. We are ashamed of the perverse desires we have because we do not understand the innocent source from which they grew. They leak out sideways when people are not looking, typically onto those closest to us.<\/p>\n

In Leading Out Of Who You Are<\/em>, Simon Walker uses the metaphor of Front Stage and Back Stage to describe these separate parts of our self. I think this metaphor is quite helpful, as the front stage we show the world is truly a performance by an expert actor. Walker suggest four types of actors or ego styles we take on. I will give you the solution he suggests for healing each style. This may give you a clue as to which style you most likely operate in. [2]<\/a><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. The Shaping Ego \u2013 High trust in self and others<\/li>\n
  2. The Defining Ego \u2013 High trust in self, Low trust in others<\/li>\n
  3. The Adapting Ego \u2013 Low trust in self, High trust in others<\/li>\n
  4. The Defending Ego \u2013 Low trust in self and others<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    The major problem that started these ego development styles began in childhood with the quality of attachments to caregivers. Walker draws on the work of psychoanalyst John Bowlby to describe the necessary, strong rope connecting us to our caregivers. The rope is created by a safe, reliable, and predictable environment in which the child experiences the perception of acceptance and trust.[3]<\/a> \u00a0Notice I said the perception of acceptance and trust. <\/em>The theory suggests that children can receive all these things and still not perceive that they have received all these things. Perception truly is reality to our nervous systems and implicit memories. Without these strong ropes, \u201cthe growing child soon feels vulnerable and anxious and has to find other ways to protect themselves.\u201d[4]<\/a> This is how the mask\/ego\/front stage begins to take shape.<\/p>\n

    The solution suggested by Walker and many others is the development of a secure attachment through relationship. Sticking it out through the parts that are triggered and allow trusting, secure relationships to heal us. Here are the punchline solutions for each type.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. The Shaping Ego \u2013 Allow feedback to touch you<\/li>\n
    2. The Defining Ego \u2013 Enjoy the moment and stay in it<\/li>\n
    3. The Adapting Ego \u2013 Trust yourself<\/li>\n
    4. The Defending Ego \u2013 Stay in the relationship \u2013 Trust others<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

       <\/p>\n

      My childhood wound is a perceived lack of nurturing. The message I internalized was \u201cit\u2019s not okay to depend on others for anything.\u201d My core desire became to be happy and avoid pain. This created my core fear of being deprived, trapped, or in pain. My coping strategies for these fears are gluttony and planning. The solution to this is sobriety and wisdom. The core message I need to internalize is \u201cYou are taken care of\u201d.<\/p>\n

      It seems the only way to face my fears is in the gladiator arena of relationships. I know that is true and would even teach it on the front stage. Meanwhile my backstage self is saying \u201cBut relationships are full of people with all their undealt-with triggers, triggering my undealt-with triggers. I can\u2019 trust these people. They don\u2019t know how to heal me. I don\u2019t need their advice. Especially through the lens of their fundamental, religious worldview.\u00a0 I need experts of the soul and psyche. If I could just find the right ones, the ones that really know more than me about these things, then I will feel safe enough to go there myself. But just meeting my fears on that training ground of relationship through uninformed, non-self-aware people has not been a trick I am able to pull off. If I am critiqued, criticized, questioned, or perceive rejection or nonacceptance \u2013 I\u2019m out \u2013 We are done here.\u201d<\/p>\n

      I have to find a way to accept these fears and face the difficulty and discomfort of them surfacing through relationships.[5]<\/a> My defensiveness against these struggles (avoiding the discomfort of fear) is only making me more fragile. Holding the tension and accepting the struggle is essential to my formation and development.[6]<\/a><\/p>\n

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      [1]<\/a> \u201cA Little Book on the Human Shadow: A Poetic Journey into the Dark Side of the Human Personality, Shadow Work, and the Importance of Confronting Our Hidden Self: Robert Bly, William Booth<\/p>\n

      [2]<\/a> \u201cLeading Out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership: Walker, Simon P\u201d 110.<\/p>\n

      [3]<\/a> \u201c Walker, Simon P\u201d 54.<\/p>\n

      [4]<\/a> \u201c Walker, Simon P:\u201d 54.<\/p>\n

      [5]<\/a> \u201cWalker, Simon P:\u201d 148.<\/p>\n

      [6]<\/a> \u201cWalker, Simon P:\u201d 140.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      The ego is our dominant personality. The ego is not a bad thing, in fact it is part of our survival and protection. It is our persona (Latin for mask worn by an actor) that has been formed over years and decades, to get us what we want and need out of life. The ego […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":216,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2701,3397,1910,1718],"class_list":["post-41235","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-leadingoutofwhoyouare","tag-dlgp04","tag-shadow","tag-walker","cohort-dlgp04"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41235","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/216"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41235"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41235\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41236,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41235\/revisions\/41236"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41235"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41235"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41235"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}