{"id":41200,"date":"2025-03-13T23:29:59","date_gmt":"2025-03-14T06:29:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=41200"},"modified":"2025-03-13T23:29:59","modified_gmt":"2025-03-14T06:29:59","slug":"approved-and-sacrificed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/approved-and-sacrificed\/","title":{"rendered":"Approved and Sacrificed"},"content":{"rendered":"

Reading Leading Out of Who You Are[1]<\/strong><\/a><\/em> by Simon P Walker was life changing. I found myself moving through reflecting on profound truths, tears, self-awareness, inner healing and my identity in Jesus. \u00a0The undefended leader, who has deliberately chosen weakness and true self-sacrifice,[2]<\/a>is the kind of leader I want to be.<\/p>\n

To become an undefended leader, I must go through the experiences of struggle and suffering that reveals and exposes my true intentions, motivations and integrity. Moral courage comes through the experiences of sacrifice and loss.[3]<\/a>\u00a0 When I was years into living in the Middle east with 3.5 little children, I entered the darkest night of the soul as I deteriorated into severe exhaustion, panic and depression.\u00a0 I had spent the years before working hard, spending countless hours to prove to my team, but mostly to myself, that I was enough.\u00a0 I had the ideal image of a strong, tireless and efficiently competent leader that I was trying to be.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t, and the \u201ccognitive dissonance\u201d created self-doubt and self-disgust of who I was compared to who I thought I should be.[4]<\/a>\u00a0 It was here, for the first time that I had to stare at the emotional wounds that were left untreated and still festering since my childhood. I was trying to find my worth by meeting everyone else\u2019s needs and denying my own, only to find I was selfishly just trying to fill my own unmet emotional needs.[5]<\/a> This was a process of formation that had me wrestling with my deepest inner self.[6]<\/a>\u00a0 I was climbing the hostile mountain, competing with my teammates and sacrificing[7]<\/a> indiscriminately until my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual self, gave out.<\/p>\n

I came to realize the roots of my defended self.[8]<\/a> As I read Walker\u2019s chapter on the adapting ego[9]<\/a>, I literally cried.\u00a0 Through that hard season, light was shown on the ugly self-deception of me striving for my own sense of worth and identity[10]<\/a>, disguised as endlessly sacrificing for others. In my ministry for God, my life \u201cbecome a daily penance, an observance of a duty of gratitude, burdened by a perpetual feeling of guilt for what was done for [me]. When the death of Jesus is understood in this way, the gospel of life becomes just another kind of slavery.\u201d I was so prideful to think I could earn my way to God, and I was severely spiritually broken. Worship songs and Bible reading became the source of dread and panic attacks. Now, years later, I still find myself falling into the adaptive pattern.\u00a0 I\u2019ve received a lot of healing and have grown deeply in knowing who I am in Christ, but still see the deeply rooted adapting ego popping out at times.<\/p>\n

Freedom came through Christ rooting my identity in him. I could never imagine I was accepted as I am and approved of. Other than my relationship with my grandma, I never felt that growing up.\u00a0 I paused and spent time in this chapter \u201cThe Freedom to Fail: Locating the Source of Approval\u201d, especially pages 150-53.\u00a0 I remembered and felt the God who knows and unconditionally loves me.\u00a0 It is still so hard for me to believe there is a God who is for me, smiling and delighting in me. Only in my relationship with Jesus have I found acceptance as I am, I can\u2019t even accept myself as I am. The security and love come through the intimate attachment to him freeing me to be who he made me to be.<\/p>\n

The struggles I have experienced, have built in me a sincere authenticity and vulnerability even for the impression managed[11]<\/a> front stage. Leading up to my dark night, I didn\u2019t even realize I was only presenting the version of myself I wanted others to see, fearing rejection if I showed my true self[12]<\/a>.\u00a0 The authenticity now comes from a place of security not based on the opinions of other.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have to have full trust of the audience[13]<\/a> to be me because they don\u2019t give me my worth and acceptance (most of the time). \u00a0I do not have to be a slave to my performance[14]<\/a>. As I grow in leadership, I trust and respect myself more.\u00a0 I can sometimes believe that what I have to offer people may be of value.[15]<\/a> I am learning the freeing ability to say no and to own my limits and boundaries.[16]<\/a>\u00a0 I\u2019m releasing responsibility that I should never taken hold of.<\/p>\n

Walker\u2019s concepts of leading in true self-sacrifice by enabling other\u2019s skills, calling and understanding the times in which they live,[17]<\/a> is a beautiful pattern I want to hold. The following quote is what I hope people that I work and minister with, will one day say about me,<\/p>\n

\u201cShe doesn\u2019t seek to be the most competent person on her staff; she doesn\u2019t seek, or need, to be the expert. Instead, she seeks to gather around herself capable, skilled people who she can then develop further. She releases the gifts in others, through her trust, her support, her encouragement and inspiration.\u201d[18]<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[1]<\/a> Walker, Simon P. Leading Out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended<\/em> Leadership<\/em> (The Undefended Leader Trilogy Book 1) Oxford. Piquant. Kindle Edition 2007<\/p>\n

[2]<\/a> Walker 12<\/p>\n

[3]<\/a> Walker 23<\/p>\n

[4]<\/a> Walker 31<\/p>\n

[5]<\/a> Walker 32, 34<\/p>\n

[6]<\/a> Walker 24<\/p>\n

[7]<\/a> Walker 36-7<\/p>\n

[8]<\/a> Walker 89<\/p>\n

[9]<\/a> Walker 120<\/p>\n

[10]<\/a> Walker 127<\/p>\n

[11]<\/a> Walter 43<\/p>\n

[12]<\/a> Walker 44<\/p>\n

[13]<\/a> Walker 54<\/p>\n

[14]<\/a> Walker 147<\/p>\n

[15]<\/a> Walker 158<\/p>\n

[16]<\/a> Walker 159<\/p>\n

[17]<\/a> Walker 233<\/p>\n

[18]<\/a> Walker 227<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Reading Leading Out of Who You Are[1] by Simon P Walker was life changing. I found myself moving through reflecting on profound truths, tears, self-awareness, inner healing and my identity in Jesus. \u00a0The undefended leader, who has deliberately chosen weakness and true self-sacrifice,[2]is the kind of leader I want to be. To become an undefended […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":218,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3397,1845,1718],"class_list":["post-41200","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dlgp04","tag-undefended","tag-walker","cohort-dlgp04"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41200","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/218"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41200"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41200\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":41201,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41200\/revisions\/41201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41200"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41200"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41200"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}