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I have chosen to remain relational. We put our kids\u2019 emotions and relationships as a priority today. I woke each of them up and shared the sad news and sat with them while giving them hugs as they cried. We decided to give them space to grieve and told all of them that they could stay home from school for the day so that the family could spent time together. Today, relationships were placed higher than their school workloads.<\/p>\n
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I chose to act like myself. I let my emotions be true to what they are. Parmesan and I got along just fine but I never wanted a dog. Even still, I demonstrated true emotions of seeing him suffer and seeing all our kids sad. I certainly did not want to take him to the vet this morning and was up half of the night with him as he seized. I did my best to do what Warner and Wilder recommend when they state, “RARE leaders meet people where they are emotionally.”[2]<\/a> Today, I met my kids tears with tears of my own.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The fourth habit is enduring hardship. Well, our family has gone through a hard time or two and we will navigate this. It is not fun, but we can manage.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n It is the third habit of returning to joy that I struggle with today. “Shared joy is perhaps the most powerful relational experience that exists. Joy is always relational and the more that it is shared, the more it multiplies and amplifies other good emotions.”[3]<\/a> In another book called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality <\/em>the author encourages leading from a healthy place and to take joy in what we do. Peter Scazzero writes, “On Sabbaths we are called to enjoy and delight in creation and its gifts.”[4]<\/a> As mentioned a few weeks ago in the discussion on The Anxious Generation<\/em>, we have been trying to implement a sabbath routine. It is hard to get into the routine, but I am realizing that we can choose to make this day more of a sabbath. Our kids are already going to be staying home from school.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n My son seems to be having a hard time emotionally today. In fact, as I have been writing this, he has been blaming me for our dog\u2019s death. I took the dog to the vet. I must have wanted him to die, and it is my fault Parmesan is no longer with us. I realize that his emotions have taken over and he is not coming to terms with reality. But as I reflect on how I want to respond to him I think of Simon Walker and being undefended. He writes, “Only the person who is secure against the loss of all these things can be truly undefended, truly free. The secret of effective leadership is the freedom to live the undefended life.”[5]<\/a> I realize that choosing to respond as an undefended leader of my household right now is a path towards joy. For I also realize that if I respond to my son in this very moment out of a defended posture there is no hope for joy and no hope for peace on this sabbath day.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n A few weeks ago, on Valentines Day we also had some real struggles as a family. In that moment, we returned to joy by taking advantage of the snowstorm and going sledding with our whole family at bedtime instead of going to bed on time and being frustrated with each other. We returned to joy by sledding down a hill in the dark making lots of memories. Warner and Wilder state, “Building a group identity based on joy is the optimal path for leadership.”[6]<\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Joy can still be elusive and hard to find. It takes work. Can we find joy in the moment today while grieving the loss of the family dog?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I picked up a bunch of stuff on my way home to make ice cream sundaes. It is simple but it is fun, and it is out of the ordinary.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tonight, we return to joy by delighting in whip cream with a cherry on top.<\/p>\n ____________________________________________________________<\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Marcus Warner and E. James Wilder, Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead<\/em> (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2016), 8.<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Warner and Wilder, 171.<\/p>\n [3]<\/a> Warner and Wilder, 132.<\/p>\n [4]<\/a> Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality<\/em>, Updated (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2017), 157.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0260-234x300.jpg\")
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