{"id":40697,"date":"2025-02-18T10:40:54","date_gmt":"2025-02-18T18:40:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=40697"},"modified":"2025-02-18T10:40:54","modified_gmt":"2025-02-18T18:40:54","slug":"been-there-done-that-still-doing-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/been-there-done-that-still-doing-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Been There. Done That. Still Doing it."},"content":{"rendered":"

For weeks I have been waiting to read this week\u2019s book, The Anxious Generation<\/em>. I had wanted to read it for a while and as it sat on my shelf, I kept looking at it, knowing it would validate the struggles we as a family have gone through. I have been telling my kids to prepare themselves because when I read it there will likely be some changes to the technology rules in our home. Well, it happened.<\/p>\n

There is a paragraph in the beginning of the book that states, “At first…he really enjoyed the games and social connections. But as he started playing Fortnite for lengthening periods of time, his behavior began to change. ‘That’s when all the depression, anger, and laziness came out…[so] he and his wife took all his electronics away.”[1]<\/a> This too, is our story. Only I would add he went to neighbors to play for hours. This led to running away from home for entire days to play the game. In the end, every game, every console, every electronic he had access to was destroyed. I took a hammer to them, and he watched me destroy them all, so he couldn\u2019t remove them from the garbage.<\/p>\n

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Sadly, removing the electronics did not change the behavior but instead caused even more extreme behavior leading to our son going to random neighbors\u2019 homes in a vain attempt to gain access to this game Fortnite. His psychiatrist has told us that the vast majority of kids she is currently treating are tied to this game. It is not surprising that, “A group of parents could sue Epic Games for the way that its game Fortnite addicted their sons and took over the boy’s lives, leading them to skip eating, showering, and sleeping for extended periods.”[2]<\/a> This game is pure evil and seems to stem from much more than a simple dopamine hit longing for more.[3]<\/a><\/p>\n

Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist, brings the scientific data to backup what we as parents have intuitively known for years. He highlights two areas that have caused a significant shift in societal anxiety among Gen Z. “My central claim in this book is that these two trends – overprotection in the real world and under-protection in the virtual world – are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became the anxious generation.”[4]<\/a><\/p>\n

As noted above, multiplayer-online games for young boys entering puberty have significantly affected their ability to mature in a healthy way. To a lesser extent, I have also seen the negative effects of social media addictions among my teenage daughters. Though, we took Haidt\u2019s advice (long before it was given) and restricted phone and social media usage until they were 16, our girls found ways around these limitations often enough. He describes this struggle as “an ever-rising tide, one that engulfs parents as well as children.”[5]<\/p>\n

I do believe that Haidt is spot on the money with the onset of these behaviors coinciding with the lack of free play based in the late 1980\u2019s.[6]<\/a> He acknowledges that things began to change socially that started to shift a focus towards safety. As I young kid who had tons of freedom, I remember things beginning to change drastically during that time. The popular show, America\u2019s Most Wanted, first aired in 1988. Milk cartons began to show pictures of missing kids in the mid-1980\u2019s. A generalized fear of strangers developed significantly during this period. At the same time, a societal shift away from the church was also beginning to be noticed. Terrorist attacks in the late 90\u2019s, culminating in 9\/11 also pushed our society into making decisions based on fear. So, it makes sense that the next generation, with access to portable devises, were given access into a domain that most parents had little comprehension of the true dangers that lurked within their own households.<\/p>\n

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What do we do about it? How do we change? Haidt offers some tangible ways of changing but some might seem more unrealistic than others. One suggestion he makes is for schools to be phone-free. Honestly, my teenagers simply won\u2019t do this. There is too much fear of a school shooting for them to be willing to let go of their phones. When I suggested to them to leave their phones in their lockers, their response was, \u201cIf there is a school shooter and I am locked in a bathroom, I want to call 911 and call you guys so people know where we are hiding.\u201d Tragically, this is a valid concern and highlights the reality of our society.<\/p>\n

I told our family, that reading this book would cause some things to change. Well, it did. One suggestion Haidt makes is the idea of a family digital sabbath.[7]<\/a> We have done this in the past and it partially worked but we are going to give it another chance. Changing some of the family rhythms to incorporate a digital sabbath on Sundays will be challenging but I do think it is needed and it has been my desire to reestablish this. Two weeks ago, I put my phone away for the day and did not ask my family to join me but rather thought it would be helpful to do on my own. It happened to be that day that my daughter crashed our car while out driving and then was unable to get ahold of me in the time of crisis. Thankfully, she was able to get ahold of my wife, but it did make me question the logistics of such a tech fast.<\/p>\n

As far as my son and his gaming is concerned. He has been completely tech free for almost six months. During the month of January, we had him stay with family in California so we might all get a break from each other. When he returned, we gave him a fresh start and he now has very limited access to a new gaming console that we are monitoring closely. The struggle of parenting in this digital age continues.<\/p>\n

_______________________________________________________<\/p>\n

[1]<\/a> Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness<\/em> (New York: Penguin Press, 2024), 22.<\/p>\n

[2]<\/a> Haidt, 191.<\/p>\n

[3]<\/a> Daniel Z. Lieberman and Michael E. Long, The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity-and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race<\/em>, First trade paperback edition (Dallas, TX: BenBella Books, Inc, 2019), 16.<\/p>\n

[4]<\/a> Haidt, The Anxious Generation<\/em>, 9.<\/p>\n

[5]<\/a> Haidt, 22.<\/p>\n

[6]<\/a> Haidt, 7.<\/p>\n

[7]<\/a> Haidt, 204.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For weeks I have been waiting to read this week\u2019s book, The Anxious Generation. I had wanted to read it for a while and as it sat on my shelf, I kept looking at it, knowing it would validate the struggles we as a family have gone through. I have been telling my kids to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":205,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2967,1214],"class_list":["post-40697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dlgp03","tag-haidt","cohort-dlgp03"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40697","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/205"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40697"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40697\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":40701,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40697\/revisions\/40701"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40697"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40697"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40697"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}