I\u2019ve not been a good coach in the past. As a strong one on the enneagram, justice is my word, and doing things \u201ccorrectly\u201d is my high priority. So, it may be no surprise that I find it incredibly frustrating when someone asks for my advice and then doesn\u2019t do what appears so obviously correct. My understanding of coaching used to be:<\/p>\n
As it turns out, that is not coaching. That was ego on parade. Ego isn\u2019t helpful in coaching, particularly in this cultural moment. Shouts of opinion reverberate throughout the Western world, and yelling compounds chaos and confusion about which direction to go. What is deeply needed is a calm, grounded in the Spirit, steady presence that can shed light and help us find direction. Unfortunately, that was not what I offered back then.<\/p>\n
I remember sitting with a woman on week three, thinking, \u201cThis isn\u2019t going to work. The correct path is clear, and I\u2019ve offered some real pearls of wisdom to help her along this obvious path. Yet, she continues to ignore them and return to her old habits.\u201d The truth is, I wasn\u2019t a bad coach\u2014I wasn\u2019t a coach at all. I acted like a commander and saw her as a stubborn student. I was frantic about getting her behavior in line, and she was stressed during the process. We both ended up disappointed.<\/p>\n
Instead, I should have taken notes from Barnabas. In Mining for Gold<\/em>, Tom Camacho highlights Barnabas as the standard for coaching because \u201cHe cooperated with God, the great refiner, and the development of the leader, Paul.\u201d[1]<\/a> He was generous, compassionate, and kind. He invested time in a risky character because he saw what God could do. Rather than listing correction, Barnabas came alongside Paul to offer guidance and support. Camacho reiterates throughout the book that coaching leadership is Spirit-led. Rather than offering step-by-step instructions on what to do, coaches are thought partners.[2]<\/a> This means that coaches listen well to both those they coach and to the Holy Spirit.<\/p>\n The downside of coaching is that it is a real investment of time and energy. It is a long haul, not a sprint, and giving of yourself for someone\u2019s development isn\u2019t easy. Yet, because God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things, coaches have a front-row seat to witness God’s hand move spectacularly in those otherwise deemed unqualified.[3]<\/a> In many seasons, I have felt more like rough ore than gold. So, I am grateful that God sees beneath the surface and refines us over a lifetime.<\/p>\n Instead of focusing on behavior modification, my time would have been better spent on more critical issues like: \u201cTheir identity, their calling, their character, and their design.\u201d[4]<\/a> I can trust the Holy Spirit to work out the behaviors if they need to be addressed. Camacho says, \u201cAs we help them wrestle with heavier issues, the Holy Spirit matures them, bringing them into greater freedom, insight and momentum on their journey.\u201d[5]<\/a> Seasons change, and God works through change, so the question becomes: What does faithfulness to God look like in this season?<\/p>\n If I had replaced my rigid five-step pattern with Camacho\u2019s four primary parts of coaching leadership\u2014deep listening, asking great questions, cooperating with the Holy Spirit, and determining the right next steps\u2014I would have served my friend much more effectively. I wonder if implementing his guidance would lead me to what he deems a \u201csweet spot\u201d[6]<\/a> in leadership. It almost seems too good to be true or like a privileged position. Is it possible this side of heaven? I hope so. It will take the hard work of learning and cooperating with my design. Once in that rhythm, I would imagine my leadership to be much less frustrating for me and those around me.<\/p>\n Reflecting on my coaching journey, I see how my ego and rigidity hindered growth in others and myself. By adopting Camacho\u2019s Spirit-led approach and focusing on deeper issues, I hope to become a coach who helps others step into their sweet spot and experience God\u2019s transformative work \u2013 to be that calm, grounded in the Spirit, steady presence in a world full of noise and chaos. I also look forward to finding a coach to help me along my journey.<\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Camacho, Tom. Mining for God: Developing Kingdom Leaders Through Coaching<\/em>. London: Inter-Varsity Press, 2019, p. 41.<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Camacho, 37.<\/p>\n [3]<\/a> Camacho, 73.<\/p>\n