Darn…5 minutes late in posting!<\/p>\n
Conversations\u2026what a meaningful word. We have millions of conversations in our lifetimes, some silly, like arguing with your spouse on who changed the last diaper, to life-changing conversations like one that starts with the question, \u201cWill you marry me?\u201d\u00a0 We begin conversations with our parents as we babble back and forth until we have the form of words and an understanding of their meaning.\u00a0 Learning to talk and have a dialogue with another human being is one of the most critical skills we know, and one we take for granted many times until we are at the end of our life and no longer have words or the understanding of the meaning of the words we do have.\u00a0 It should be no surprise to all of you that there are many books out there about conversations.\u00a0 I have a shelf of these books I acquired in my research for my NPO.<\/p>\n
Conversations with myself: (and no, I\u2019m not losing it\u2026or at least not that much)<\/p>\n
Beginning day one of our doctoral journey, we were encouraged to start asking a fundamental question…Why?\u00a0 In his book Start with Why, Simon Sinek writes <\/em>about what it takes to be a great leader.\u00a0 He challenges that leaders are leaders because they have followers, and they follow because they are inspired.\u00a0 \u201cFor those who have an open mind for new ideas, seek to create long-lasting success, and believe that your success requires the aid of others, I offer you a challenge.\u00a0 From now on, start with \u201cwhy.\u201d [1]<\/a> We had to find a Need, Problem, and opportunity and question why this is an NPO.\u00a0 One of the Authors, Peter Boghossian, spoke to a group of University of Florida Med students who were part of a critical thinking fellowship on his book How to Have Impossible Conversations: A convenient guide;<\/em> he states, \u201cDon\u2019t start the conversation with your opinion first. Instead, you ask, \u2018Why do you believe this?\u2019\u201d [2]<\/a>\u00a0 My boss often starts introductions with new groups by asking us to say what our \u201chospice Why\u201d is.\u00a0 This is why we do this hard work.\u00a0 We all have one, which centers and grounds us in the work, especially when it gets complicated.<\/p>\n We must start the conversation, all of them, with ourselves and ask why: Why am I feeling this way, why am I responding this way, why am I offended, etc.? These critical conversations depend on our self-awareness. So go on, friend, and have a good chat with yourself!<\/p>\n Conversations within my sphere of influence.<\/p>\n My doctoral project centers on conversations: “How to have courageous, culturally competent, soulful conversations<\/strong> on end-of-life.\u00a0 A conversation, especially a crucial one, begins with the courage to do so. \u201cJust because we are in the middle of a critical discussion (or maybe thinking about stepping up to one) doesn\u2019t mean we\u2019re in trouble or won\u2019t fare well. In truth, when we\u00a0 face crucial conversations, we can do one of three things:<\/p>\n It seems like a fundamental truth, but it needs to be said.\u00a0 I believe (and I wish I had data to back me up, as I don\u2019t), But I guess that most of our crucial conversations land in one of the first two categories, either avoided or handled poorly.\u00a0 In a leadership book called Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results<\/em> by Judith Glaser, she speaks of building a WE mentality in leadership instead of ME-centered.\u00a0 She writes about how to handle triggers of fear in conversations. \u201cWhen we are in a fear state, our conversations are shaped by the neurochemistry of fear. We can only think about protecting ourselves.\u00a0 Trust, empathy, and support are the best antidotes to the brain\u2019s fear state\u201d[4]<\/a>.\u00a0 So, at least our avoidance is explained; we are trying to protect ourselves.<\/p>\n Conversations with the world\u2026.<\/p>\n What a perfect book we read at the end of a semester about Christian Nationalism and Colonialism when we faced a very polarizing election in America.\u00a0 When the election results came in, I honestly felt numb, and I still do, but I know that I do not get to live there in those feelings because that is a position privilege.\u00a0\u00a0 I also think my numbness comes into play because those who disagree with me on a political and ideological level don\u2019t seem to want to listen to me.\u00a0 Civil conversation is gone.\u00a0 I appreciate that this week\u2019s authors, Boghossian and Lindsay, define these people as ideologues.<\/p>\n \u201cIdeologue, noun. <\/em><\/p>\n [ahy-dee-uh-lawg]<\/p>\n A person who zealously advocates an ideology.\u201d [5]<\/a><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWe define an ideologue as \u2018One who is unwilling or unable to revise their (moral) beliefs.\u2019 Trying to converse with an idealogue rarely results in an actual conversation.\u00a0 It\u2019s someone speaking at you, usually by delivering messages.\u201d [6]<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0 In Peter\u2019s lecture at the University of Central Florida, he offers advice on where to start: \u201cPut the burden of understanding on yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n I could continue, but I will stop before I\u2019m way over in word count and too close to midnight!!\u00a0 Eek, I may not get it in on time!<\/p>\n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n [1]<\/a> Sinek, Simon. Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action. <\/em>(New York, Pengquin books, 2009) pg 7<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Boghossian, Peter. How to have Impossible Conversations.<\/em> (YouTube, lecture 2\/15\/23) University of Central Florida.<\/p>\n [3]<\/a> Patterson, Kerry, and Grenny, Joseph, and McMillan, Ron, and Switzler, Al. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High. (<\/em>New York, McGraw-Hill, 2002.) pg 3<\/p>\n [4]<\/a> Glaser,Judith E. Conversational Intelligence. <\/em>(MA, Bibliomotion, inc, 2014)<\/em> pg 35.<\/p>\n\n