{"id":39468,"date":"2024-11-12T20:40:13","date_gmt":"2024-11-13T04:40:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=39468"},"modified":"2024-11-12T20:40:13","modified_gmt":"2024-11-13T04:40:13","slug":"using-our-late-night-fm-dj-voices","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/using-our-late-night-fm-dj-voices\/","title":{"rendered":"Using Our Late Night FM DJ Voices"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>\u201cGood relationships will keep you healthy and happy, healthier and happier than anything\u2013including being right.<\/em><sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref12\" href=\"#ftnt12\">[12]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c7\">Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, recommends using what he calls a \u201clate night FM DJ voice during a hostage negotiation, which is a calm, soothing, and slightly downward inflected tone of voice designed to create a sense of empathy and encourage collaboration with the other party.\u201d<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref1\" href=\"#ftnt1\">[1]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0 It\u2019s been my dream and long term goal to become the kind of leader who is non-threatening, builds rapport and makes the other person feel heard all while remaining logical amidst high stress. The one characteristic I was not born with was a softer tone of voice\u2013a kind of demure tenor that puts everyone within earshot at ease. \u00a0To the contrary, I was liberally given an enthusiastic, intense and somewhat startling tone of voice with an almost impossible skill to hide my true feelings. \u00a0My adult daughters and their husband\u2019s\/fiance all express how much they appreciate my deep questions and enthusiastic desire to know them; they also thrill when they say things that get a reaction out of me! \u00a0Which as you know, isn\u2019t all that difficult. \u00a0Alas, my dream and long term goal has not changed since the beginning of this program. A handful of the books we have read provide practical communication skills that, coalesced together, create an archetype of what a thoughtful, well spoken leader might sound like in non-confrontational conversations and during truth-telling, impossible conversations.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Archetype of a Thoughtful, Well-Spoken Leader<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"c7\"><span class=\"c1\">I am recalling just a few here:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul class=\"c13 lst-kix_tah4ze4qxg40-0 start\">\n<li class=\"c7 c11 li-bullet-0\">In\u00a0<em><span class=\"c6\">Mining for Gold<\/span><\/em>, Tom Camacho writes, \u201cWe need people to speak the truth to us and encourage us to become all God created us to be.\u201d<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref2\" href=\"#ftnt2\">[2]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0 Camacho listed great questions like open-ended or ones designed to explore, not just gain information.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"c7 c11 li-bullet-0\">Eve Poole in\u00a0<em><span class=\"c6\">Leadersmithing\u00a0<\/span><\/em>writes, \u201cA leader\u2019s job is to nail down certainties and achieve agreement about them, whenever possible, so that the main effect can be directed to where it can add the most value.\u201d<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref3\" href=\"#ftnt3\">[3]<\/a><\/sup><\/li>\n<li class=\"c7 c11 li-bullet-0\">Daniel Kahneman\u2019s<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref4\" href=\"#ftnt4\">[4]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0motif is overconfidence. He says experts are especially prone to an exaggerated sense of how well we understand the world.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"c7 c11 li-bullet-0\">If we want to shift someone\u2019s opinion, says Bobby Duffy,<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref5\" href=\"#ftnt5\">[5]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0we need to provide vivid stories alongside facts.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"c7 c11 li-bullet-0\">In\u00a0<em><span class=\"c6\">How to Be Heard<\/span>,<\/em> Julian Treasure claims people are more concerned with their speaking than that of their listening . . . \u201ca balance between the two skills is essential because they are interrelated.\u201d<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref6\" href=\"#ftnt6\">[6]<\/a><\/sup><\/li>\n<li class=\"c7 c11 li-bullet-0\">Simon Walker talks about effective leaders and the importance of \u201cwhether a leader understands the kind of power she is using.\u201d<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref7\" href=\"#ftnt7\">[7]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0Is power appropriate to use in that situation? Effective leaders tune into the same frequency, humming in the same key while resonating with their society.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"c7 c11 li-bullet-0\">\u201cJung called instincts archetypes\u2013the archetypes are the bones that give structure to the stories we tell ourselves\u201d Daniel Lieberman<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref8\" href=\"#ftnt8\">[8]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0told us on the call, this is where individuals gain confidence in their beliefs. \u00a0He also said that inspiration brings about fundamental change\u2013this is what makes an individual.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"c7 c3 c14\">\n<p class=\"c7\"><strong><span class=\"c12 c15\">What\u2019s the Central Question I\u2019m Asking?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"c7\">Discovering my central question for Peter Boghossian\u2019s and James Lindsay\u2019s book,\u00a0<em><span class=\"c6\">How to Have Impossible Conversations<\/span> <\/em>seemed impossible as I read helpful quips and tips while glossing over familiar techniques. \u00a0Something was niggling in the back of my mind as I listened to the authors equip us with the tools to speak our minds, understand and be understood<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref9\" href=\"#ftnt9\">[9]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u2013even in the most difficult conversations. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c7\">The \u201csomething\u201d turned out to be a \u201csomeone\u201d and maybe even a few \u201csomeones\u201d as highlighted above. \u00a0However, the loudest niggler was Johnathan Haidt who asked, \u201cWhy are young people today more anxious, depressed, and fragile than previous generations?\u201d<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref10\" href=\"#ftnt10\">[10]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0 We just read how changes in parenting, education and societal issues have led to a generation that is less resilient and more prone to anxiety. \u00a0If the central theme of Boghossian\u2019s and Lindsay\u2019s book is teaching people how to engage in productive, respectful and rational dialogue with those who hold radically different beliefs, I believe the tone and ideological biases seep into their techniques: they are teaching people how to create doubt in others\u2019 minds. How does this create healthy relationships?<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c7\">\u00a0Although the practical step-by-step approach to having difficult conversations might offer ideas for better communication with an anxious generation, at times their approach oversimplifies having genuine conversations with young people who are deconstructing their faith or confused about their political home. While the authors were straightforward about handling defensiveness and anger,<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref11\" href=\"#ftnt11\">[11]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0I wondered if their approach truly fostered happy, healthy relationships?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Why Does Haidt Sound More Like a Late Night FM DJ Voice?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"c10\">In\u00a0<span class=\"c6\">The Coddling of the American Mind<\/span><span class=\"c1\">, Jonathan Haidt, along with co-author Greg Lukianoff, suggests several strategies to help facilitate difficult conversations with the &#8220;anxious generation,&#8221; particularly in light of the rising levels of anxiety, fragility, and political polarization among young people. Here are a few key approaches Haidt recommends for having productive discussions: (one or two are mentioned in Boghossian\u2019s book).<\/span><\/p>\n<ol class=\"c13 lst-kix_l6dyh1xlc13f-0 start\" start=\"1\">\n<li class=\"c8 li-bullet-0\"><span class=\"c12\">Use Socratic Questioning<\/span><span class=\"c1\">: Haidt suggests using a method of questioning to help individuals reflect on their beliefs and thought processes without immediately challenging or dismissing them. The Socratic method\u2014asking thoughtful, open-ended questions\u2014can encourage individuals to examine the logical consistency of their views and the underlying assumptions driving them. This technique can help diffuse defensiveness and open up space for genuine dialogue.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"c8 li-bullet-0\"><span class=\"c12\">Foster Intellectual Humility<\/span><span class=\"c1\">: Haidt emphasizes the importance of promoting intellectual humility, both in yourself and others. This means acknowledging that none of us have all the answers and that our beliefs may be wrong or incomplete. In conversations, it&#8217;s helpful to model open-mindedness and show that it&#8217;s okay to change one&#8217;s mind or consider alternative viewpoints.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"c8 li-bullet-0\"><span class=\"c12\">Focus on Shared Values<\/span><span class=\"c1\">: To reduce polarization, Haidt suggests focusing on common ground and shared values. Instead of immediately diving into contentious issues, try to identify areas of agreement or mutual concern. This can help build rapport and show that, despite differences, both parties care about similar outcomes (e.g., well-being, fairness, justice).<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"c8 li-bullet-0\"><span class=\"c12\">Practice &#8220;Agreeing to Disagree&#8221;<\/span><span class=\"c1\">: Haidt suggests that it&#8217;s important to accept that some disagreements may not be resolvable. Instead of pushing to &#8220;win&#8221; the conversation, it&#8217;s valuable to acknowledge when an issue is fundamentally divisive and to agree to disagree while still maintaining respect for the other person&#8217;s perspective. This can help prevent conversations from becoming overly combative.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"c8 li-bullet-0\"><span class=\"c12\">Model Emotional Resilience<\/span><span class=\"c1\">: Haidt believes that part of the anxiety and fragility in today&#8217;s generation stems from overprotective parenting and a lack of exposure to challenging or uncomfortable ideas. In conversations, it&#8217;s important to model emotional resilience\u2014demonstrating that it&#8217;s possible to engage with difficult topics, handle discomfort, and still remain respectful and calm. By doing so, you can encourage others to be more resilient in their own thinking.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p class=\"c10\"><span class=\"c1\">Ultimately, Haidt&#8217;s advice centers around creating an environment where both parties are open to challenging ideas without resorting to emotional overreaction or ideological rigidness. He advocates for nurturing a culture of open dialogue, intellectual curiosity, and the ability to engage with disagreement constructively, even in the face of difficult or sensitive topics. The book we read offered these in part\u2013I just sensed Boghossian was persuading his readers on how to be right. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c7\">\u201cGood relationships will keep you healthy and happy, healthier and happier than anything\u2013including being right.<sup><a id=\"ftnt_ref12\" href=\"#ftnt12\">[12]<\/a><\/sup><span class=\"c1\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c7 c3\">\n<hr class=\"c4\" \/>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt1\" href=\"#ftnt_ref1\">[1]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Voss, Chris, and Tahl Raz.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. 1st edition. New York: Harper Business, 2016.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt2\" href=\"#ftnt_ref2\">[2]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Camacho, Tom.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. Nottingham: IVP UK, 2019.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt3\" href=\"#ftnt_ref3\">[3]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Poole, Eve.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. London\u202f; New York, NY: Bloomsbury Business, 2017.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt4\" href=\"#ftnt_ref4\">[4]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Kahneman, Daniel.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">Thinking, Fast and Slow<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. 1st edition. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt5\" href=\"#ftnt_ref5\">[5]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Duffy, Bobby.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">Why We\u2019re Wrong About Nearly Everything: A Theory of Human Misunderstanding<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. Illustrated edition. New York: Basic Books, 2019.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt6\" href=\"#ftnt_ref6\">[6]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Treasure, Julian.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">How to Be Heard: Secrets for Powerful Speaking and Listening<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. Mango Media, 2017.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt7\" href=\"#ftnt_ref7\">[7]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Walker, Simon P.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">Leading Out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. Piquant Editions, 2007.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt8\" href=\"#ftnt_ref8\">[8]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0MD, Daniel Z. Lieberman.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">Spellbound: Modern Science, Ancient Magic, and the Hidden Potential of the Unconscious Mind<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. Dallas, TX: BenBella Books, 2022.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt9\" href=\"#ftnt_ref9\">[9]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Boghossian, Peter G.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. First edition. New York, NY: Life Long, 2019.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt10\" href=\"#ftnt_ref10\">[10]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Haidt, Jonathan.\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. New York: Penguin Press, 2024.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"c0 c3\">\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt11\" href=\"#ftnt_ref11\">[11]<\/a><span class=\"c5\">\u00a0Boghossian,\u00a0<\/span><span class=\"c2\">How to Have Impossible Conversations<\/span><span class=\"c9 c5\">. P. 122.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p class=\"c0\"><a id=\"ftnt12\" href=\"#ftnt_ref12\">[12]<\/a><span class=\"c9 c5\">\u00a0Harvard Second Generation Study, 2015.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cGood relationships will keep you healthy and happy, healthier and happier than anything\u2013including being right.[12]\u00a0 Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, recommends using what he calls a \u201clate night FM DJ voice during a hostage negotiation, which is a calm, soothing, and slightly downward inflected tone of voice designed to create a sense of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":180,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3365,3306,2905,3366,2759,2705,1717],"class_list":["post-39468","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-chrisvoss","tag-dlgp02-haidt","tag-dlgp02-lieberman","tag-howtohaveimpossibleconversations","tag-juliantreasure","tag-simonwalker","tag-socrates","cohort-dlgp02"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39468","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/180"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39468"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39468\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39469,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39468\/revisions\/39469"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39468"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39468"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39468"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}