Over the last few months, life has been pretty hard in our household. In fact, there was one point while in Washington D.C. that I almost had to catch a late-night flight and return home early. Navigating adoption trauma with our son has been harder on our whole family than I ever imagined it to be. His trauma, mixed with the onset of puberty and medication changes is the perfect trifecta against us or any semblance of peace in our home.<\/p>\n
One of the things that I have noticed in the last few months with our son is that he feels constrained by his trauma and the diagnosed labels that are attached to him. These labels, while necessary for correct diagnosis and treatment, hold him back from flourishing. In this week\u2019s reading by Carol Dweck, Mindset<\/em>, she details the difference between this sort of fixed mindset and a growth mindset.[1]<\/a> My son has been stuck in a fixed mindset, unwilling to see his potential and work through the challenges. As a renowned psychologist, she states, “In this book you’ll learn how a simple belief about yourself – a belief we discovered in our research -guides a large part of your life. In fact, it permeates every part of your life.”[2]<\/a><\/p>\n Using a variety of examples from athletics, corporations, and relationships, she explains how a growth mindset can open so much more potential as we learn to deal with setbacks, learn from them, and then chart a new course. My son is currently doing school from home, and I have had the chance to listen to his English teacher. His teacher is doing exactly what Dweck recommends and is helping my son see more potential in a subject he has never done well in. \u00a0“Growth-mindset teachers tell students the truth and then give them the tools to close the gap.”[3]<\/a><\/p>\n One aspect of this book I kept waiting for was particularly how to change from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. I kept thinking, \u201cokay, this is good, but how?\u201d She does offer some steps that seem too simplistic but maybe is all that truly is needed. “The first step is to embrace your fixed mindset.”[4]<\/a> Then, “the second step is to become aware of your fixed-mindset triggers.\u201d[5]<\/a> She adds a few more simple steps, but can it really be that simple?<\/p>\n Best-selling author, James Clear seems to think it might be. In his book, Atomic Habits<\/em>, he encourages people to establish new habits with very simple tools. One tool is to start doing something for only two minutes at a time. This alone will not change anything, but it does begin to set a different routine.[6]<\/a> Another example Clear offers is to call yourself a runner, rather than just someone who runs every now and then. What we tell ourselves about ourselves can change the way we begin to think. Maybe it can even begin to change our fixed mindset from being a person who runs for thirty minutes to a growth mindset of being a runner.<\/p>\n Last semester, we read Shane Parrish and he too seems to believe that changing our mindsets can change who we become. “If you want better-than-average results, though, you’ll have to think clearly. And thinking clearly is thinking independently. Sometimes you must break free of the social default and do something differently from those around you.”[7]<\/a> The social default for my son has been that he is not good at English. It is a hard subject and he has never had good grades in it. This has narrowed his mindset of how he is as a student. Yet, over the course of this semester with a positive English teacher focused on helping him reach a higher potential I am seeing the beginning stages of change.<\/p>\n My son loves to write rap music and so the English teacher has allowed him the freedom to express his raps in the poetry section of the class they are in. He encourages him and yet at the same time is making sure that he is following the same parameters as the rest of the class. This small act alone has lit a small fire for my son, and he is beginning to see the potential of his growth. Parrish writes, “You can think of first-level thinking as your today self and second-level thinking as your future self.”[8]<\/a> The last few months, my son has been stuck in a rut thinking of his trauma and challenges.<\/p>\n But maybe, just maybe, he can jump to a second-level thinking, a growth mindset way of thinking, about who he might become.<\/p>\n Maybe, I realize that I have had a bit of a fixed mindset about my son and his potential.<\/p>\n Maybe I have been so drained of all energy that I have not had a growth mindset for him.<\/p>\n Maybe the Lord knew we needed the English teacher.<\/p>\n _____________________________________________________________<\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Carol Dweck, Mindset: Changing the Way You Think to Fulfil Your Potential<\/em>, Revised edition (London: Robinson, 2017), 6\u20137.<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Dweck, ix.<\/p>\n [3]<\/a> Dweck, 203.<\/p>\n [4]<\/a> Dweck, 254.<\/p>\n [5]<\/a> Dweck, 255.<\/p>\n [6]<\/a> James Clear, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones<\/em>, First Edition (New York, New York: Avery, 2018).<\/p>\n