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As I enter my final year of Doctoral work on Leadership, I am left with more questions than answers.\u00a0 We began our studies with a profound quote from our professor that I have found myself repeating to others; \u201cAs the island of our knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance.\u201d[1]<\/a> Studying leaders who have overcome adversity, such as Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela in South Africa, then hearing Martin Percy in Oxford and other speakers who have studied where leaders go off the rails.\u00a0 I am left with the question of pursuing leadership without losing my way.\u00a0 It is with this in mind that I chose to read The Interior Castle <\/em>by St. Teresa of Avila.<\/p>\n When in Seminary, I read so many male authors, so when tasked with a similar assignment to read, I chose Julian of Norwich, a mystic of the church; I enjoyed how her mind worked and how she experienced God.\u00a0 In preparing to read this book, there were many references to St. Theresa of Avila as one of four women Doctors of the Church.\u00a0 I felt a kinship with her as I pursued my doctorate.\u00a0 The other three women Doctors of the church are Saint Catherine of Siena, Saint Th\u00e9r\u00e8se of Lisieux, and Saint Hildegard of Bingen.\u201d[2]<\/a><\/p>\n St. Teresa of Avila was a 16th<\/sup>-century nun in Spain.\u00a0 A man tasked her to write a book about prayer to speak to her sister\u2019s nuns.\u00a0 I immediately related to her as she began her book with this thought, \u201cFor the past three months, I have been suffering from such a cluttering\u00a0 and fragility in my head that I have a hard time even focusing on mundane business matters.\u201d[3]<\/a>\u00a0 Can any of you relate?\u00a0 I can!\u00a0 Teresa, at times rambling off into thoughts, writes of the journey of our soul as we seek God.\u00a0 She describes our soul as a castle with a diamond inside.\u00a0 Inside this castle of the soul are many mansions ( as noted in heaven as well).\u00a0 She begins the book by explaining what is outside of the castle as those who are separated from God, and then entering into the castle requires repentance.\u00a0 Once inside are seven mansions, each one getting closer to complete union with God.<\/p>\n As a quick rundown, as brilliantly summarized by the Biblical Bookworm on YouTube, here is how St. Teresa explains each mansion. As we enter Mansion One, we are forgiven but still attached to the world outside.\u00a0 We enter through prayer and meditation.\u00a0 In the second mansion, souls are partially detached.\u00a0 Souls are attracted to sermons and holy conversations.\u00a0 St. Teresa encourages avoiding lousy company and embracing the cross. As souls enter, the third mansion takes up 30% of the book.\u00a0 It is through this mansion that we go through a night of the soul.\u00a0 We go through desolation and distractions. The Biblical Bookworm describes this as a time to \u201cchill and not focus on perfection.\u201d In Mansion Four, souls taste consolation, primarily detached and not attracted by worldly affairs.\u00a0 As souls continue towards union with God, they move into the fifth mansion, entirely detached from outside of the castle. Souls grow selflessness.\u00a0 In the sixth mansion, we reach ecstasy and levitations, which cumulate in complete union with God in the seventh mansion.<\/p>\n Leadership learnings:<\/p>\n As we pursue leadership and power in the world, even as Christians, we must remember our interior life.\u00a0 Contemplation and meditation are a must. St. Teresa, over and over again in this book, expresses humility. She ends her description of the seventh mansion by saying, \u201cI confess that I am deeply confused, and so I ask you through the same Beloved to remember this poor creature in your prayers.\u201d[4]<\/a> This year, my favorite Bible verse seems to be guiding everything I do in leadership and my life and serves as my prayer. \u00a0Last week in my blog, I asked for God to give our next leader of this country this, and through reading the humility of St. Teresa, I repeat it, \u201cBut to do Justice, and to love Mercy and to Walk humbly with our God.\u201d[5]<\/a><\/p>\n I believe St. Teresa suffered from insecurity.\u00a0\u00a0 I was listening to the audiobook and was utterly disturbed by how many times St. Teresa called herself stupid and unworthy of knowing such things.\u00a0 As seen above, she ended the beautiful book by downplaying her thinking.\u00a0 I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes:<\/p>\n \u201cOur deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so others won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously permit other people to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.[6]<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong>How often I have found myself having to play \u201csmall\u201d in my rise in leadership as any sense of independence or confidence caused other leaders to feel threatened.\u00a0 I wish this were not true, but Marianne Williamson\u2019s quote has meant the world to me, and yet\u00a0 I respect the balance between this quote and the humility of St. Teresa.\u00a0 I want to think that if St. Teresa were alive today and in our doctorate with us, she may not call herself stupid so much.\u00a0 I mean, nine times she calls herself that, why?<\/p>\n What does God mean for us to have humility?\u00a0 Where do confidence and humility find each other?\u00a0 How do we balance living God\u2019s call, leading confidently and gracefully, and not losing our interior connection to God?\u00a0 I\u2019d love to hear how you all balance humility and confident leadership!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Clark, Jason. Maps of meaning lecture. (Cape Town, SA, 2022).<\/p>\n <\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Google.com<\/p>\n <\/p>\n [3]<\/a> Avila, St Teresa. The Interior Castle Translated 1552 \u00a0<\/em>(New York, Penguin group, 2004) Pg 29<\/p>\n