The foundational skill of courage-building is the willingness and ability to rumble with vulnerability. Once we start to build vulnerability skills, we can start to develop the other skill sets.<\/p>\n
-Brene Brown-<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n A Pastor in our denomination was very excited – after he had completed his initial ministry of five years in a remote, rural area – when he learned that he had been transferred and sent to serve a small congregation that was being prepared to become an independent congregation in a city. He was very willing to accept this new task. The adventure then began. When he was in the congregation, he realized that the challenges he faced were not the slightest. His main task was to prepare all congregation members to build and organize fellowship, service, and testimony independently without depending on their parent congregation. That means also preparing them spiritually and financially.<\/p>\n Other challenges then emerged. But the hardest thing is when some people prefer to defend their opinions rather than hear other people’s opinions. Small ripples had become bigger, and even open conflict occurred between the administrators. The priest experienced extreme fear and confusion. It was difficult for him to be firm at that time, he avoided conflict because he didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. This is his weakness, as well as his biggest mistake, he tends to please everyone! He is afraid of being seen badly. He is worried about judging other people. However, he did not realize that as a result of his mistake, the conflict would escalate. This threatens the existence of this congregation.<\/p>\n Unable to withstand such a heavy burden, one day, the pastor put on a priest’s robe and carried his Bible. Then he went into the church building and headed behind the pulpit (churches in our denomination use a permanent pulpit where the pastors preach from that place). What does it do? In his confusion and raging thoughts, he lay down and sobbed and expressed his heart’s feelings before God. What he first conveyed was a confession of sin and a request for forgiveness from God for his failures, his fragility, and his magnanimity in feeling that he knew everything. He then realized that he was nothing at all before God.<\/p>\n Long story short, after this incident the pastor began to change. He grows the courage to be brave. As a pastor, there are times when he must pray gently, but there are times when firmness is also needed. Miracles started to happen. Conflicts were de-escalating, sharp differences of opinion were decreasing, and most importantly, the pastor was aware of his shortcomings and mistakes so he learned a lot about how to mediate differences of opinion, and especially learned to have the courage to express his position if something is not right, even though the risk is for him. He knew, that to please everyone is an impossible thing.<\/p>\n Learning from the pastor’s story and reading Brene Brown’s writing this week, I discovered that vulnerability is a natural and human thing that can be experienced by anyone. Brown explains, \u201cVulnerability as the\u00a0 emotion that we experience during times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.\u201d[1]<\/a>\u00a0 Everyone, including pastors, has their vulnerabilities. But the problem is whether we, as leaders or pastors, can realize, acknowledge and manage this vulnerability. Most leaders usually find it difficult to do this because leaders follow what other people like about them. We let it be and enjoy it. Brown reminds us that our failures begin when we allow others to determine our definition of success. Most of us are motivated by a definition of success that is the exact opposite of who we are, what we want, or what brings us joy. Little joy, less meaning, but a lot of tiredness and annoyance.[2]<\/a> Therefore, Brown showed an important discovery in his research. She explains, \u201cLeaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.\u201d[3]<\/a><\/p>\n A courageous leader needs to have values that he holds so that with these values he builds integrity in his leadership and service. Brown insists, \u201cOur values should be so crystallized in our minds, so infallible, so\u00a0 precise and clear and unassailable, that they don\u2019t feel like a choice\u00a0 \u2014they are simply a definition of who we are in our lives.\u201d[4]<\/a> Without values, a leader will oscillate in uncertainty. He will always say, “yes” to everyone because he wants to please everyone. According to Warner and Wilder in their book, Rare Leadership<\/em>, that kind of leaders could be classified as “sandbox leaders.” They write, \u201cSandbox leaders are grown-ups in positions of responsibility whose lack of emotional maturity creates catastrophic consequences for their unsuspecting followers. The higher a person rises in leadership circles, the more devastating the impact of sandbox leadership can be, such as Churches split, affairs occur, leaders burn out, boards feud with staff, a trail of wounded people gets left in the dust.\u201d[5]<\/a> Therefore, Brown reminds us how important values are for a leader, \u201cBecause that is integrity\u2014choosing\u00a0 courage over comfort; it\u2019s choosing what\u2019s right over what\u2019s\u00a0 fun, fast, or easy; and it\u2019s practicing your values, not just\u00a0 professing them.\u201d[6]<\/a><\/p>\n Brown’s thoughts guide readers to position themselves as leaders who bring certainty and change. To make it happen, it takes courage. Very interesting, Brown came up with the idea of an acronym for the word “BRAVING” (Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Nonjudgement, Generosity).[7]<\/a> I am very interested in these acronyms, especially Reliability and Accountability, which both boil down to integrity, being a reliable and trustworthy leader. For this reason, a leader must have the courage to step out of his comfort zone, then step forward and face all challenges. This is not easy and requires humility to do so. In his book,\u00a0Leading out of Who You Are<\/em>, Simon Walker writes \u201cThe choices you make to live an undefended life, to lead as an undefended leader, are not made for the sake of balance or wellbeing; they are made for a greater good. And that greater good is to set people free\u201d.[8]<\/a><\/p>\n Brown’s brilliant ideas put us back on our true path of leadership and service. His thoughts confirm our call for us to rise up and have the courage to lead. Brown reminds us to have the courage to face all challenges and overcome them correctly so that we don’t run out of energy to do so \u201czigzagging,\u201d trying to dodge the bullets of vulnerability\u2014whether it\u2019s conflict, discomfort, confrontation, or the potential for shame, hurt, or criticism.\u201d[9]<\/a> Brown encourages us, that we have to stop avoiding, pretending, blaming, lying, and \u201cat some point, we have to turn toward vulnerability and make that call.\u201d[10]<\/a> She even says, \u201cThose of us who are willing to rumble with vulnerability, live into our values, build trust, and learn to reset will not be threatened by the rise of the machines, because we will be part of the rise of daring leaders.\u201d[11]<\/a><\/p>\n PS: Thanks for reading my story.<\/p>\n [1]<\/a> Bren\u00e9 Brown,\u00a0Dare to Lead: Brave Work, Tough Conversations, Whole Hearts<\/em>\u00a0(New York, NY: Random House, 2018), 23.<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> Ibid, 271-272.<\/p>\n [3]<\/a> Ibid, 67.<\/p>\n [4]<\/a> Ibid, 188.<\/p>\n [5]<\/a> Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder,\u00a0Rare Leadership: 4 Uncommon Habits for Increasing Trust, Joy, and Engagement in the People You Lead\u00a0<\/em>(Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2016), 41-42.<\/p>\n [6]<\/a> Brown, Dare<\/em> to Lead<\/em>.<\/p>\n [7]<\/a> Ibid, 225-226.<\/p>\n [8]<\/a> Simon P. Walker,\u00a0Leading out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership<\/em> (London, UK: Piquant Edition Ltd. 2007), 124.<\/p>\n [9]<\/a> Brown, Dare to Lead<\/em>, 109.<\/p>\n