The one thing I do know about myself is that I will take responsibility for my actions. The other thing that I know about myself is that I have lived in a fantasy land where everything is going to be okay, and I made decisions based on positive thinking rather than reality.<\/p>\n
So, this is the ugly reality of my past and my terrible default decision-making: I have gone bankrupt twice. I lost the only home I have ever owned to foreclosure. I had 2 cars repossessed, had a season where I drank way too much, lost my two daughters through a divorce, went to prison for three years, and my youngest daughter, Kelly, hasn\u2019t spoken to me for almost 12 years now (never told me why, but I if I had to guess, I would say \u201csee all of the above,\u201d) and that breaks my heart. I have had very high highs and very low lows in life, and the bottom line is that it was all due to my terrible decisions that I regret.<\/p>\n
I am very thankful to have a God who gives me a lot of grace and smothers me with love. I am also very thankful to have an amazing wife who does the same thing. Nancy and I had a difficult couple of years after we lost our business in 2021, but I believe that our marriage is stronger and better than it ever has been. I can truly say that she is my best friend, and life is really good today.<\/p>\n
In his book \u201cClear Thinking\u201d Shane Parrish discusses the term \u201cdefaults\u201d at the beginning of the book \u2013 the emotional default, the ego default, the social default, and the inertia default. If I were to self-examine, I would say I have tended to mirror two of them – the emotional default \u2013 \u201cwe tend to respond to feelings rather than reasons and facts.\u201d [1] and the inertia default: \u201cWe\u2019re habit-forming and comfort-seeking. We tend to resist change, and to prefer ideas, processes, and environments that are familiar.\u201d [2] I actually think these two defaults go hand in hand \u2014 if I base my decisions on my feelings and what I think is correct (ignoring the facts), and I am against change and look for familiarity in the outcome, I am ignoring all correct reasonings, which is what I did for so many years.<\/p>\n
Parrish says: \u201cInertia keeps us doing things that don\u2019t get us what we want.\u201d [3] it is a terrible cycle of wrong decision-making. I can look at my laundry list of terrible decisions that I have made and see that it is the same circling of-the-drain thought processes that got me to every one of those instances.<\/p>\n
But I do see hope! Parrish writes: \u201cThe good news is that the same biological tendencies that make us react without reasoning can be reprogrammed into forces for good.\u201d [4] Even though I have gone through a lot, I have always kept a positive attitude. Parrish states: \u201cThe way to improve your defaults isn\u2019t by willpower but by creating an intentional environment where your desired behavior becomes the default behavior.\u201d [5] Even though we had a big bump in 2021 with our business (COVID certainly didn\u2019t help it), I feel that our decisions are going in a much better direction. One of the biggest differences that I am trying to make is to quit being the lone ranger and ask Nancy for her thoughts and advice. I am certainly not perfect at it, but at least I am asking and trying to listen. That is new for me (sorry, mi amor.)<\/p>\n
Parish talks of the four key strengths I need to meet my goals and correct my defaults: self-accountability, self-knowledge, self-control, and self-confidence. I have such a long way to go, but I am at least willing to try. I see the huge differences in our decision-making over the last couple of years.<\/p>\n
Towards the end of the book, it states: \u201cThe overarching message of this book is that there are invisible instincts that conspire against good judgment.\u201d [6] and there is truth to that. Making good decisions is a conscious effort, like associating with the right people, thinking in probabilities, recognizing biases, continual learning, and communicating well. These are not things that just come naturally \u00ad\u2014 they must be sought after, learned, and applied.<\/p>\n
I just went with my gut and made selfish and ignorant decisions. I am certainly not perfect by any means in my decision-making today, but at least I am developing tools and techniques that will hopefully help me make wiser and better-informed decisions. This is a great book for me to sit with for a spell and glean from.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
[1] Shane Parrish. \u201cClear Thinking\u201d (New York: Penguin Publishing Group, 2023), 10.<\/p>\n
[2] Parrish., 11,<\/p>\n
[3] Parrish., 34.<\/p>\n
[4] Parrish., 35.<\/p>\n
[5] Parrish., 36.<\/p>\n
[6] Parrish., 245<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The one thing I do know about myself is that I will take responsibility for my actions. The other thing that I know about myself is that I have lived in a fantasy land where everything is going to be okay, and I made decisions based on positive thinking rather than reality. So, this is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":201,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","cohort-dlgp03"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37569","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/201"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37569"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37569\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":37572,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37569\/revisions\/37572"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}