{"id":37536,"date":"2024-04-15T21:11:17","date_gmt":"2024-04-16T04:11:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=37536"},"modified":"2024-04-16T10:11:18","modified_gmt":"2024-04-16T17:11:18","slug":"the-power-of-our-own-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/the-power-of-our-own-story\/","title":{"rendered":"The Power of Our Own Story"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts., <\/em>by Bren\u00e9 Brown came just as I was hit with a wave of self-doubt while making the final decision for my doctoral project. My husband and peer group have borne the brunt of my doubts and confusion. I appreciate their patience. Dr. Brown came through for me this week as well. She seems to have that effect on people.<\/p>\n

I had the pleasure of hearing Bren\u00e9 Brown speak at Singapore Management University in 2013. I wondered how this outspoken American female researcher and great story-teller would do in a such a conservative culture uncomfortable with discussing emotions in general, let alone shame and vulnerability in particular. She did not disappoint! After humorously recounting the longest flight ever to a region she had never visited, her adjustments to the heat and humidity, and beauty of the city-state, she quickly captured her audience\u2019s attention.<\/p>\n

While I noted some discomfort in the lecture hall from the more senior members of the audience, I knew her message was hitting home when a young university student with tears streaming down her face stood up to tell her story. This young woman bravely expressed how her emotions and experiences had been shut down by family and societal expectations, she felt seen as Dr. Brown spoke and wanted to know how to create change in her cultural context. You could have heard a pin drop. It was a powerful moment. With that simple act she dared to lead! She took a leap of faith to trust herself and tell her story.<\/p>\n

Processing my shame-based story<\/em><\/p>\n

I was immediately intrigued by the section titled Braving Trust. <\/em>As I read, I began to see how easily I slipped back into an old shame-story that left me mistrusting myself and my abilities. Brown writes, \u201c\u2026the foundation of trust with others is really based on our ability to trust ourselves.\u201d[1]<\/a> In other words, trusting myself is pretty important if I want to follow through with the next steps of my NPO. She explains that after experiencing a setback, disappointment, or failure we easily create a blanket statement, what I call a shame belief, which Dr. Brown states sounds like, \u201cI don\u2019t trust myself anymore.\u201d To which I quickly added, \u201cNo one is going to follow my lead, I can\u2019t even pick a solution!\u201d This is where I started slipping and got overwhelmed trying to pick one prototype out of three from which my stakeholders chose in the first place. So, I followed her advice and sat with a simple setback and went through her BRAVING Inventory.[2]<\/a><\/p>\n

What came to mind was a ministry situation in a which my calling was questioned. It came down to boundaries and accountability. My unwillingness to set boundaries with the other person and not hold them accountable for their behavior triggered feelings of doubt and mistrust. Boundaries are my responsibility and I let myself down by not setting them. I also blamed the other person for my lack and the pain that ensued. What is strange about this event is that it was decades ago. Such is the power of a shame-based story. Today, my stakeholders are supportive, respectful, enthusiastic, and affirm my calling. The truth is they aren\u2019t concerned about where I start. They\u2019re genuinely happy to be on the journey with me and excited about the project. Setbacks and missteps are inevitable. I will hold myself accountable, learn from my mistakes, and practice vulnerability. I don\u2019t need to hold onto that old shame story or any others that come my way.<\/p>\n

The Power of \u00a0Sharing our Stories<\/em><\/p>\n

Kim Dabbs, author of You Belong Here: The Power of Being Seen, Heard, and Valued on Your own Terms,<\/em> discusses the influence of lingering identity. She writes, \u201cOur lingering identity is our default position that\u2019s rooted in old stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we deserve. It\u2019s hardwired into our brains and impacts how we respond under stress.\u201d[3]<\/a> Our stories are powerful, but we need to check out whether they are rooted in shame. They have the power to hold us back or set us free. If we don\u2019t risk the vulnerability to share them, they will keep us from becoming who God longs for us to be. They might prevent us from supporting others along the way.<\/p>\n

I was particularly inspired by Dr. Brown\u2019s point about courage. She writes of courage as being contagious and goes onto say, \u201c\u2014we have to be vigilant about creating a culture in which people feel safe, seen, heard, and respected.\u201d[4]<\/a> This is at the heart of my NPO as together my stakeholders and I look to create a culture of care for ministry leaders and their spouses in which they feel seen, heard, and loved. It also points out the courage it will take to risk telling our stories, to speak of our struggles, and the empathy required to build safe, authentic relationships. Dr. Brown reminds us that, \u201c\u2026empathy is the most powerful connecting and trust-building tool that we have, and it\u2019s the antidote to shame.\u201d[5]<\/a> Sharing our stories with those who listen with empathy and compassion reduces shame and frees us to lead. This is where courage begins.<\/p>\n

Trusting Myself and My Story<\/em><\/p>\n

As I move closer to making my final decision I shouldn\u2019t be surprised at where I\u2019m landing with my project. At our annual pastor\u2019s conference in the fall of 2022 I was asked to share about my experience in ministry. I shared the shame-story above as well as others in which I felt alone, isolated, wounded, and desperately wanting to remain faithful to my calling. I wasn\u2019t comfortable going first, but something seemed to break as the other women in attendance one-by-one began to share the hard parts of their ministry stories. I\u2019m coming full-circle to my beginning point and to my own story.<\/p>\n

Thank you all for a wonderful semester!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[1]<\/a> Bren\u00e9 Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. <\/em>(New York, NY: Random House, 2018), 233.<\/p>\n

[2]<\/a> Bren\u00e9 Brown, Dare to Lead,<\/em> 234.<\/p>\n

[3]<\/a> Kim Dabbs, You Belong Here: The Power of Being Seen, Heard, and Valued on Your own Terms<\/em> (Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publications, 2024), 102.<\/p>\n

[4]<\/a> Bren\u00e9 Brown, Dare to Lead<\/em>, 12.<\/p>\n

[5]<\/a> Ibid., 160.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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