In this week\u2019s writing, Edwin Friedman speaks to the anxiety of America and the emotional regression that ensues from a failure of leadership. Fast forward to 2024. It is hard to move the needle on the climate of America as there is still plenty of room for anxiety. A quick glance at today’s headlines and some of the things dominating our attention:<\/p>\n
\u2022 a sensitive and heightened political climate.
\n\u2022 the pervasiveness of crime.
\n\u2022 wars and rumors of war.
\n\u2022 an ever-turbulent volatile economy.
\n\u2022 the aftereffects of COVID-19.
\n\u2022 racism, sexism, and bigotry.
\n\u2022 violence and gun violence.<\/p>\n
Did I forget anything? If there is ever a time for stable, healthy, and transformative leaders, the time is now. Friedman\u2019s systems perspective and biological illustrations were anecdotal analogies that could reach people at every level. The assertion is that we should be emotionally intelligent leaders, which should not be taken lightly.<\/p>\n
One section that resonated with me was imaginative gridlock and how we think using a black-or-white or all-or-nothing philosophy. \u201cParadigms that might begin simply as theoretical differences become hardened into intense, oppositional emotional commitments.\u201d[1]<\/em> There are certain instances I can readily relate to on this where the emphasis was on the emotional rather than the subject matter. How many meetings have I\/we attended only to be hijacked by going down rabbit holes we never came up out of? How many subsequent meetings have you and I attended we never got down to the issue at hand in the first meeting because people were too emotionally vested? Evaluating these scenarios in hindsight, there was an ignorance on the part of leadership that kept the main thing from being the main thing with a refusal to break emotional barriers.<\/p>\n A second place of reading that took me to a full stop was reading about emotional triangles.<\/em> This was somewhat triggering as Friedman paints a vivid picture of its ramifications. “…they perpetuate treadmills, reduce clarity distort perceptions, inhibit decisiveness and transmit stress.”[2]<\/em> My immediate reaction was anger and the feeling of stupidity because I recognized how much time was wasted being duped by stuck people. As a Christian, I know we can become wedged within the crucible of sympathy and empathy, but as I look back at some of my treadmill tussles, my thoughts are, Oh, what a tangled web we weaved. Even worse, how could these web traps have been avoided? After uncovering this common thread within my leadership lapses, I would later learn and recover from the lesson of my leadership lapses -most people wanted me to affirm their position rather than make the right decision and exit the triangulation.<\/p>\n Counterproductivity is the culprit of a failure of the nerve in this triangulation. In pastoral ministry, we often come across people who seek counsel. This is expected as my duties include being available for my congregants in this fashion. I have also implemented a rule that if I meet with an individual or family for the third time on the same matter, they will be referred out for professional counseling in most circumstances. I remember how long it took me to arrive at and adopt this practice, more specifically, anxiety, which led me to make this decision. As a na\u00efve leader, my original thoughts centered on am I abandoning people in the middle of their struggle? Am I not being a good leader? It was eye-opening when I comprehended the amount of time spent dealing with these matters, and making the adjustment freed me to do other leadership assignments of equal or more significant proportion.<\/p>\n There is a pathway for leadership success found in Friedman that causes us not to focus on the practical, a predominant train of thought, but the emotional. He debunks a huge myth that has led to the demise of many leaders and organizations, \u201cconceptually stuck systems cannot become unstuck simply by trying harder.\u201d[3] <\/em>\u00a0I find myself harnessed to this quote because my introspection now causes me to investigate the areas of my leadership and the organizations I am attached to and evaluate their fruitfulness and what I can do to improve things.<\/p>\n Last week, my key takeaway was asking the right questions. This week, Friedman sort of unhinges that, suggesting one of the characteristics of gridlocked systems is looking for answers rather than reframing questions. As I incorporate these readings into my leadership lifestyle to walk it out better and wiser, I am reminded of my football analogy in a previous post. There are many ways to reach the end zone, including passing, throwing, kicking, and intercepting, and all can be utilized at various points throughout the game. The same applies to leadership- using practical, theological, and now emotional sheds light on a relevant truth. Different situations may require different leadership traits, but influential leaders should develop a variety of these in their toolbox as they aim to be successful.<\/p>\n [1] Edwin Friedman, A Failure of Nerve (New York: Church Publishing, 2017), 43<\/p>\n