{"id":36064,"date":"2024-02-22T16:14:05","date_gmt":"2024-02-23T00:14:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=36064"},"modified":"2024-02-23T02:55:16","modified_gmt":"2024-02-23T10:55:16","slug":"what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it\/","title":{"rendered":"What Are You Going to Do About It?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Reading A<\/em> Failure of Nerve<\/em> felt like crossing a threshold. It feels for some time I have been trying to find the best paths to navigate the anxieties that go hand in hand with life. A<\/em> Failure of Nerve<\/em> provided me that \u201cAha!\u201d I couldn’t help but nod when reading the brief interaction between Steinke and Friedman in the book\u2019s foreword. I was struck by Friedman\u2019s reply to Steinke upon hearing his lament. Friedman responded to Steinke, \u201cIt looks like you helped to form this system. What are you going to do about it?\u201d [1] Initially, this question seems insensitive and harsh, but I believe it holds much power. Steinke writes concerning his answer to Friedman\u2019s question, \u201cI was not a victim, incompetent, or a helpless person. If anything, I had been a \u2018co-conspirator\u2019 in my own family process of dousing pain.\u201d [2] Upon reading Steinke\u2019s conclusion, I couldn\u2019t help but think of the many times I have remained a victim \u201cstuck\u201d in the anxiety of work, life, and relationships. My \u201cAha! \u201d from Friedman\u2019s A Failure of Nerve<\/em> is that despite our anxious society, we can position ourselves to stay connected and present, without being destroyed by those seeking to sabotage. However, it takes courage to ask ourselves the question, \u201cWhat are you going to do about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

So, what are you going to do about it? To best answer this question, in full agreement with Friedman, I believe an individual must be well-differentiated. [3] Friedman writes, \u201cDifferentiation is not about being coercive, manipulative, reactive, pursuing, or invasive; it is about being rooted in the leader\u2019s own sense of self rather than focused on his or her followers.\u201d [4] The idea of being well-differentiated requires us to look in the mirror<\/em>. It begins with us. It requires clarity. When referring to the well-differentiated leader Friedman writes, \u201cI mean someone who has clarity about his or her own life goals and, therefore, someone who is less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional processes swirling about.\u201d [5] Gaining clarity requires intentionality. Camacho writes in Mining for Gold<\/em>, \u201cClarity brings momentum to our efforts. With clarity, we come alive in his [God\u2019s] love and that love begins to flow through us. We are moving from existing to thriving.\u201d [6] This is an area where I am still growing. I feel this DLGP program will give me a \u201cDoctorate in Elysse” as well as a Doctorate in Leadership.<\/p>\n

Discovering a sense of self can be an uncomfortable process, as we sift through the \u201cyuck\u201d to discover what is valuable. It\u2019s even harder to find the courage to release unhealthy behaviors that sabotage us. Last year, during a casual conversation with a friend discussing her journey with OCD tendencies, I realized, \u201cI have this too!\u201d I found this realization to be somewhat liberating because my often-paralyzing obsessive thoughts now made sense (Note: I am not diagnosed OCD, but I have recognized symptoms in myself). With this new knowledge, I had to ask, \u201cWhat are you going to do about it?\u201d Ultimately, this discovery led to the reshaping of some unhealthy work-life habits I often tried to push through, but often left me a depleted mess. Friedman writes, \u201c\u2026don\u2019t let crisis become the axis around which your world revolves.\u201d [7] Understanding my tendencies towards often-paralyzing obsessive thoughts under stressful situations has helped me position myself in the \u201cA\u201d position\u2014 the apex of the triangle. [8] I have control over my response in the triangle.<\/p>\n

Friedman’s A Failure of Nerve<\/em> expresses ideas I’ve been feeling for some time about the anxious, reactive world we live in. When thinking of Friedman\u2019s ideas, I immediately get the mental image of traffic in Africa. It is insanity and drivers easily get stuck in the chaos resulting in no movement and a lot of road rage. I have learned to position myself to best weave my way through the traffic. I am present, but I am not triangled into the madness. This is much like Friedman\u2019s point of \u201cManagement of Self:\u201d the effort to remain clear, the management of my own anxiety, the effort to remain out of triangles, the determination to be responsible and decisive.\u201d [9] This is essential to being a well-differentiated leader\u2026 and a well-differentiated driver in Africa. I desire to be both. Therefore, I ask myself, \u201cWhat are you going to do about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[1] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix<\/em> (10th Anniversary, Revised Edition) (p. 8). Church Publishing Incorporated. Kindle Edition.<\/p>\n

[2] Ibid, 8.<\/p>\n

[3] A well-differentiated leader is someone who has clarity about his or her own life goals and, therefore, someone who is less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional process swirling about it.<\/p>\n

[4] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve. <\/em>(p. 311). Kindle Edition.<\/p>\n

[5] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve<\/em> (p. 35). Kindle Edition.<\/p>\n

[6] Tom Camacho, Mining for Gold: Developing Kingdom Leaders through Coaching<\/em> (p. 55). IVP. Kindle Edition<\/p>\n

[7] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve<\/em> (p. 329). Kindle Edition.<\/p>\n

[8] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve<\/em> (p. 324). Kindle Edition.<\/p>\n

[9] Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve<\/em> (p. 327). Kindle Edition.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Reading A Failure of Nerve felt like crossing a threshold. It feels for some time I have been trying to find the best paths to navigate the anxieties that go hand in hand with life. A Failure of Nerve provided me that \u201cAha!\u201d I couldn’t help but nod when reading the brief interaction between Steinke […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":208,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2967,236],"class_list":["post-36064","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dlgp03","tag-friedman","cohort-dlgp03"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36064","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/208"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36064"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36064\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":36093,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36064\/revisions\/36093"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36064"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36064"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36064"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}