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Friedman sets out to reorient our thinking or \u201cFlip the Script\u201d regarding our conceptions of leadership. He contends leadership is more relational and emotional than it is technical or skill-based. Relational and emotional stability in leadership is directly tied to the health of the community. He states:\n\u201cAny renaissance, anywhere, whether in a marriage or a business, depends primarily not only on new data and techniques but on the capacity of leaders to separate themselves from the surrounding emotional climate so that they can break through the barriers that are keeping everyone from \u201cgoing the other way.\u201d[1]<\/p>\n
A Community of Chronic Anxiety<\/strong> A Differentiated Presence<\/strong> <\/p>\n
\nFriedman uses The Bowen Family Theory as the foundation for his approach, which identifies that many families, organizations, and even nations today have an emotional system characterized by \u201cchronic anxiety\u201d \u2014 a deeply entrenched tension\/nervousness\/fear that actually serves to unite the whole group.[2]
\nChronic anxiety is very present in my current context. Several of the traits Friedman identifies as common in groups characterized by \u201cchronic anxiety\u201d (highly reactive, herding, blame displacement, quick-fix mentality. Issues like music style, preaching style, bible study curriculum, and Christmas decorations that seem to be the source of anxiety I have come to understand are not the source but simply the focus. This is where Friedman brings significant clarity. He contends that the most significant characteristic that leads to and drives debilitating, chronic anxiety in a family or group is the absence of what he calls a \u201cwell-differentiated leader.\u201d [3] This church has existed for 60 years, but for the last several years has lacked healthy leadership and has regressed in a season of crisis.
\nThis means my primary focus, if I am to lead this church to health effectively, is to understand what it means to be a well-differentiated leader.<\/p>\n
\nWhile Friedman provides several principles to guide a well-differentiated leader, most notable for me is the understanding that differentiation is a goal one pursues and works towards over time. It isn\u2019t a quick fix, contrary to the desire and demands of an anxious society.
\nDifferentiation is the capacity to stand firm in an intense emotional system. Similar to the principles of Leadersmithing, which provides training so leaders can self-regulate, and temper reactions and impulses.[4] Differentiation enables us to resist polarizing forces and be a non-anxious presence in an anxious society. It enables us to recognize where we end and others begin. To have a clearly defined sense of self untethered from the toxic demands of an anxious \u201cfamily.\u201d<\/p>\n
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<\/a> rather preserving the integrity of our identity in Christ. When I was installed as the pastor, I unknowingly began to create a sense of differentiation. I described my role as a sheepdog, not a shepherd. The shepherd is Christ; he is our shepherd. I, as the sheepdog, am an extension of his shepherding direction, protection, and authority. With an ear turned and tuned to his voice, I keep my eyes on them and direct where he wants us to go. I work for him. He is my boss. I serve them but do not ultimately answer to them.