{"id":35896,"date":"2024-02-15T18:04:14","date_gmt":"2024-02-16T02:04:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=35896"},"modified":"2024-02-15T18:04:14","modified_gmt":"2024-02-16T02:04:14","slug":"what-to-do-when-you-dont-know-what-to-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/what-to-do-when-you-dont-know-what-to-do\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do"},"content":{"rendered":"

On Thursday, February 8th, 2024 a mother called the crisis line to report that her 12-year-old son was destroying personal property and exhibiting aggressive behavior towards members of the household.\u00a0 The operator told her to call the police. When officers arrived, the child walked off the property and away from the scene. Since he was not posing an immediate threat, the police informed the mother that no laws were being broken and so there was nothing they could do. Once the police left, the child returned, continued to break windows, and escalated further into assault. The police were called back, the child was restrained.\u00a0 The lead officer asked the mother, \u201cWhat do you want us to do?\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Eva Poole writes about how crisis facilitates the crafting of leadership skills and that Leadersmithing is a lifelong journey. I think it fits in the context of the family as well, or perhaps that was just my view while reading her work and watching her interviews.\u00a0 I kept asking: How can I apply this to the crisis in my life right now?\u00a0 How might her practices help me make the best choice that meet both my son\u2019s needs and the needs of other loved ones? What is this crisis trying to teach me as leader of my family?\u00a0 I hoped for some solid answers. Poole affirmed what I already knew; the \u201c<\/span>daily reality is messiness and acute uncertainty, with a lot of improvising on the job.\u201d [1] This ambiguity has made me a very weary leader, [2] so I was looking for an energy boost and perhaps a bit of guidance on what to do next.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Poole identifies the Ace of Clubs as a practical tool to prepare for next steps.\u00a0 Work-life balance has always been a challenge for me; I am often running to and fro to get this, that, or the other thing done.\u00a0 I have tried to design my home life to be a space where I can slow down and just be.\u00a0 When that space is disrupted, I can usually get it back in order in a few days.\u00a0 But this situation was different. Damage had been done – not just to property, but physically and emotionally.\u00a0 Sweeping up the broken glass the next day did not resolve the crisis.\u00a0 This was bigger than me, beyond my capacity to manage. I have no template for this. \u201cAre you clear about your exercise of power and control?\u201d [3] When I read this question, my answer was a resounding \u201cNo.\u201d The only thing I am clear about is my feelings of powerlessness and lack of control.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This current challenge reminds me of similar situations I found myself in, and the science explains why. \u201c<\/span>From what we know about neurobiology, the more emotionally charged the situation is in which these skills are acquired, the deeper the resulting memory and its retrievability under pressure in the future.\u201d [5]\u00a0 Previous experience triggered my trauma response, those survival skills kicked in and I am still employing them as I work through this crisis.\u00a0 These skills include withdrawal, detachment, and catastrophic thinking.\u00a0 But I am also reaching out to family, asking the church for prayer, and making appointments with service providers in preparation for what has to happen next.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Both the King and Queen of Clubs – sleep and fuel – are suffering.[6]\u00a0 I can\u2019t get to sleep, and when I do I don\u2019t feel rested when I wake up.\u00a0 My stomach is tied in knots so food makes me nauseous. The most I can do is take a few bites of yogurt and try to stay hydrated.\u00a0 I have been going for hikes down to the creek, an exercise that helps in the moment but once I return home, the dread settles back onto my shoulders.\u00a0 I\u2019m waiting for my wise mind to step in. \u201cThis \u2018grown-up\u2019 in your head is the one who helps you to function well by paying attention, making decisions, fielding novelty, planning the future and overriding unhelpful impulses.\u201d\u00a0 Yet, my \u2018grown-up\u2019 is weary, and so my subconscious is creeping in, making me \u201cvulnerable to auto-pilot reactions that may not fit the bill.\u201d [7]\u00a0 These reactions are always based in fear and only exacerbate my anxiety.\u00a0 How can I face these fears in advance to build up immunity should these fears come true – without falling into catastrophic thinking?<\/span><\/p>\n

Poole offers an answer. \u201c<\/span>While the research suggests that learning under pressure is the optimal way to learn, you can build up to it slowly.\u201d [6] <\/span>Poole suggests that we are better able to manage crisis if we microdose to build our core strength, seizing opportunities in everyday life, in the small things, so we are better prepped for the big stuff. I\u2019m about to make the biggest, hardest decision of my life, one for which I could not have prepared. At the moment I can\u2019t think how I could have administered a controlled daily dose of trauma to prepare for this, so I continue to wonder how this applies to the level of leadership I must exhibit during the next few months.\u00a0 I did smile briefly at her mention of the Sound of Music song \u201cA Few of My Favorite Things.\u201d\u00a0 I do have a list, chocolate covered strawberries, the sound of birds chirping, watching my beta fish flutter their blue fins.\u00a0 If I want to get through this, I need to add to this list because these few things work to lift my spirits, and grant me a moment of \u201cjoy, peace and perspective,\u201d [8] if only temporary.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What I did find encouraging was the way Poole refers to pearls\u00a0 In her homeland, “pearl” is pronounced \u201cperil\u201d and she makes good use of the juxtaposition between the two.\u00a0 Peril is part of the process of leadersmithing. <\/span>\u201c<\/span>You can\u2019t have the beauty without the pain.\u201d [9]\u00a0 This analogy is helpful to remember as I move forward into an uncertain future. In an article she wrote to leaders in the church regarding decisions made during the pandemic, she offers words of comfort that I very much needed to hear during this season.\u00a0 <\/span>\u201c<\/span>So, please, forgive yourself. We were all trying our very best. It was an extraordinarily difficult season in which there was no real clarity or agreement about the best way ahead.\u201d [10]\u00a0 Even without a clear line of vision of what to do for my family, I can take just one small step – do one favorite thing – with faith that all things work together for good, trusting that this grit is what I need to make a pearl.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[1] Eva Poole. \u201cLeadersmithing: A Craft Approach to Leadership\u201d (HR, March 6, 2017)<\/span><\/p>\n

[2] Eva Poole. <\/span>Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership <\/span>(London: Bloomsbury Business, 2017)<\/span><\/p>\n

[3] Ibid<\/span><\/p>\n

[4] David Wallace. \u201cLeadersmithing: Get Better at Leadership by Building Your Muscle-memory\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

(The Sum is Greater, March 5, 2018) https:\/\/thesumisgreater.wordpress.com\/2018\/12\/05\/leadersmithing-get-better-at-leadership-by-building-your-muscle-memory\/<\/span><\/p>\n

[5]\u00a0 Eva Poole, <\/span>Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership <\/span>(London: Bloomsbury Business, 2017)<\/span><\/p>\n

[6] Eva Poole, Leadersmithing (TedX, March, 11, 2017) <\/span>https:\/\/evepoole.com\/leadersmithing-tedx\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

[7] Eva Poole, <\/span>Leadersmithing: Revealing the Trade Secrets of Leadership <\/span>(London: Bloomsbury Business, 2017)<\/span><\/p>\n

[8] Ibid.<\/span><\/p>\n

[9] Poole, Eva. \u201c<\/span>Don\u2019t Be Weighed Down by the Sins of Office\u201d (Church Times, December 17, 2021.) <\/span>https:\/\/www.churchtimes.co.uk\/articles\/2021\/17-december\/comment\/opinion\/don-t-be-weighed-down-by-the-sins-of-office<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On Thursday, February 8th, 2024 a mother called the crisis line to report that her 12-year-old son was destroying personal property and exhibiting aggressive behavior towards members of the household.\u00a0 The operator told her to call the police. When officers arrived, the child walked off the property and away from the scene. Since he was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":192,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[555],"tags":[3062],"class_list":["post-35896","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drama","tag-dlgp3-evapoole-crisis-family-leadership","cohort-dlgp03"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35896","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/192"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35896"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35896\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":35897,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35896\/revisions\/35897"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35896"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35896"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35896"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}