{"id":35825,"date":"2024-02-14T17:33:57","date_gmt":"2024-02-15T01:33:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=35825"},"modified":"2024-02-14T17:33:57","modified_gmt":"2024-02-15T01:33:57","slug":"a-probortunity-my-npo-and-my-wife","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/a-probortunity-my-npo-and-my-wife\/","title":{"rendered":"A Probortunity: My NPO and My Wife"},"content":{"rendered":"

MY NPO<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cCritical thinking is the art of analyzing and evaluating thought processes with a view to improving them.\u201d1 <\/sup>Three results of a well-cultivated critical thinker:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. She raises vital questions and problems, formulating them clearly and precisely<\/li>\n
  2. She thinks open mindedly within alternative systems of thought<\/li>\n
  3. She is scrupulously careful not to misrepresent or distort information in developing an argument or position.2 <\/sup><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \n

    About a year ago my NPO was vague and heading toward solving issues on every continent. Yeah, I know, that\u2019s funny. For a few months that excited me but as time went by, I began to feel uneasy about it and wondered if it was even accomplishable. My stakeholders raised vital questions, helped me to think open mindedly, so I wouldn\u2019t distort information by actually doing this on my own. Now my NPO is more concise, and I am just focusing on my county instead of the world.<\/p>\n

    Even though my NPO is more concise and the area I am trying to reach is much smaller, I actually believe I am dealing with a wicked problem. I still need to do some work on it but at this time my NPO is:<\/p>\n

    Christian men who commit adultery or engage in pornography desperately need help to heal and recover from churches in Chester County.<\/p>\n

    According to Joseph Bentley and Michael Toth, \u201cwicked problems can never be truly solved.\u201d3 <\/sup>They continue, \u201cSo \u2018the problem\u2019 is not really the problem-the real problem is our lack of understanding about the problem.\u201d4 <\/sup>David Peter Stroh has written an insightful book about systems thinking. Early in his book, he wrote, \u201cpeople tend to create more problems by failing to first fully appreciate the problem they are trying to solve.\u201d5 <\/sup><\/p>\n

    Once I began to appreciate the problem before me, I was not only able to be more concise but also stop creating problems within my NPO. I created problems by focusing on different continents and realizing different continents have different cultures and I was driving myself crazy trying to make my NPO fit into different cultures. I guess that\u2019s called a \u201csuper, mega, absolutely foolish wicked problem that will kill you.\u201d<\/p>\n

    MY WIFE<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Three months ago, my wife was diagnosed with Sjogren\u2019s Syndrome, which is an autoimmune disease that seriously affects her lungs, kidneys and nervous system. In a nutshell Sjogren\u2019s Syndrome causes fatigue, dry eyes, joint pain, trouble sleeping, muscle pain, and brain fog. Having diabetes and a mental health illness makes life even worse for my precious wife. This is a wicked problem \u201cWicked problems are intractable, definitely complex, involving lots of uncertainty, with no clear solutions that don\u2019t generate even more problems.\u201d6 <\/sup>Mental illness and autoimmune diseases have been in my wife\u2019s family for generations so we were not surprised and yet I still went through shock because we both knew there may come a time, sooner than later when I will have to take care of my wife as a parent takes care of his child.<\/p>\n

    I have actually been excited and enjoying taking care of my wife over the past months, whether it\u2019s been giving her a body message, allowing her to sleep all weekend, or doing extra chores around the house. I have also struggled and come to grips with it\u2019s okay to attend church, speak at a conference or event without my wife. I\u2019ve had to come to grips with it\u2019s okay to cry just because I feel like crying. During my Cohort 60 Minute interview, Jennifer Vernam encouraged me to see this situation as a wicked opportunity. As I thought about it, I felt encouraged and said to myself yeah, this is a probortunity.<\/p>\n

    PROBORTUNITY<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Sometime, hopefully by 2030, you will read the definition of probortunity in Webster\u2019s dictionary. It will most likely read:<\/p>\n

    Probortunity \u2013 noun<\/u><\/p>\n

    Problems that are so complex they cannot be solved or avoided but attempting to work on them causes internal personal conflict with the goal to help the person, group, or organization to deeply change, grow, and develop emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.<\/p>\n

    First Known Use<\/u><\/p>\n

    2024, inspired by the thought-provoking leader of leaders, Dr. Jennifer Vernam, PhD.<\/p>\n

    MY NPO, MY WIFE, AND PROBORTUNITY<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

    The book Exploring Wicked Problems<\/em> is a thought-provoking and insightful exploration of complex issues that defy straightforward solutions. \u201cWicked problems are ill-defined, ambiguous, complicated, interconnected situations packed with potential conflict.\u201d7 <\/sup>A better way to refer to them is to use the word, \u201cmesses\u201d8 <\/sup>because trying to solve them is like cycling through a swamp.<\/p>\n

    To ride a bike through the swamp, it is important to go meta, because it is helpful in moving forward while struggling with a difficult problem. \u201cGoing meta means to stop simply thinking or reasoning or talking and move to the next level to examine how we are thinking or reasoning or talking.\u201d9 <\/sup>The four10<\/sup> strengths that are mentioned to go meta are:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Struggling with problems is a universally shared experience. As I continue with my NPO and loving my wife, it will be important for me to keep in mind that some churches in my county will agree with my NPO but will not encourage their men to be a part of the healing process from my perspective. In regard to my wife, so many engagements will be cancelled at the last minute, or I may have to hurry home just because my wife cannot get out of bed.<\/li>\n
    2. Because problems are ubiquitous, those that affect our lives most deeply, are rarely resolved, no matter how hard we try. For so long I knew my NPO would be the answer to help men who need healing but honestly, now I believe many men will not go through healing simply because this is how life is.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      So many women on my wife\u2019s side have died of a mental illness and\/or autoimmune disease. Even though we are praying for healing, there is a good possibility the Lord will ultimately heal my wife by taking her home. And that makes me sad.<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Some problems are beyond us. My NPO is beyond me and will take patience, grace, understanding, dialogue, and discernment.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        At times, I have said to myself, \u201cTodd, you have a good grasp on psychoneuroimmunology and yet you cannot help your wife.\u201d Her situation is beyond me and it always will be.<\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Our experiences of well-being and happiness is greatly determined by our abilities and skills in successfully managing these difficult, messy, and complicated wicked problems. This encourages me to not get discouraged if my NPO doesn\u2019t work according to my timing.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          To help me manage this challenging situation with my wife, I have already told about 6 close men to continually check on me and always ask me the tough questions about how I am really doing. I am also sitting in my feelings in order to grow with them in order to empathize with my wife.<\/p>\n

          In conclusion, my NPO and my lovely wife lead to a great probortunity that will shape me beyond what I could ever ask or imagine. And maybe that is an important purpose of these messy problems…to cause deep inner conflict in order to transform us into the likeness of Christ.<\/p>\n

            \n
          1. Richard Paul and Linda Elder. The Miniature Guide to Critical Thinking. 9.<\/li>\n
          2. Ibid. 9.<\/li>\n
          3. Joseph Bentley and Michael Toth. Exploring Wicked Problems. 2.<\/li>\n
          4. Ibid. 3.<\/li>\n
          5. David Peter Stroh. Systems Thinking for Social Change. 5.<\/li>\n
          6. Joseph Bentley and Michael Toth. Exploring Wicked Problems. 11.<\/li>\n
          7. Ibid. XIV.<\/li>\n
          8. Ibid. 61.<\/li>\n
          9. Ibid. 41.<\/li>\n
          10. Ibid. 42.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            \n

            \n

            \n

            \u00a0<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

            \n

            \n

            \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            MY NPO \u201cCritical thinking is the art of analyzing and evaluating thought processes with a view to improving them.\u201d1 Three results of a well-cultivated critical thinker: She raises vital questions and problems, formulating them clearly and precisely She thinks open mindedly within alternative systems of thought She is scrupulously careful not to misrepresent or distort […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":176,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2310],"tags":[3053,2489],"class_list":["post-35825","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-doctor-of-leadership-3","tag-bentleyandtoth","tag-dlgp02","cohort-dlgp02"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35825","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/176"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35825"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35825\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":35826,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35825\/revisions\/35826"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35825"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35825"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35825"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}