{"id":35260,"date":"2024-01-25T20:20:18","date_gmt":"2024-01-26T04:20:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=35260"},"modified":"2024-01-25T20:20:18","modified_gmt":"2024-01-26T04:20:18","slug":"the-conversation-is-the-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/the-conversation-is-the-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"“The Conversation IS The Relationship”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Drawing from nearly two decades of conversations with Fortune 500 executives, Susan Scott offers fresh and surprising alternatives to the \u201cbest practices\u201d wreaking havoc on today\u2019s businesses. In her book, Fierce Leadership, <\/em>she states, \u201cOur careers, our companies, our personal relationships, and our very lives succeed or fail, gradually then suddenly-one conversation at a time.\u201d1 <\/sup>In her book, Fierce Conversations,<\/em> Scott writes, \u201cThe conversation is the relationship.\u201d2 <\/sup>I love her view\/idea on leadership. While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a business, a company, a relationship, or a life, any single conversation can.<\/p>\n

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This week as I read Rethinking Leadership<\/em> by Annabel Beerel, I kept thinking, no matter what key leadership theories and skills are discussed, a key aspect of leadership is building strong relationships through conversations but remembering the conversation is the relationship.<\/p>\n

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With \u201cthe conversation is the relationship\u201d in mind, I thoroughly enjoyed Beerel\u2019s book because she provided an outstanding review of leadership theories, competencies, and skills in Rethinking Leadership! Her analysis of leadership practices in today\u2019s ever-changing business, social and global landscapes is spot on, and her guidance around developing crucial adaptive leadership competencies is extremely comprehensive.<\/p>\n

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I learned from my time in Oxford and through class that leadership is a failed enterprise in that despite the billions of dollars spent on leadership development, the returns are mediocre at best. The coronavirus pandemic has magnified the lack of leadership in every domain. Maybe because leadership is one conversation at a time and since the conversation is the relationship many leaders have failed at having authentic conversations with their people. I felt the bottom line in this book is there are certain key leadership skills required during times of crises and radical uncertainty. Beerel emphasizes, \u201cLeading in a time of crisis requires multiple skills. These include a calm demeanor, the courage to speak to reality, an ability to find clarity amid chaos, a capacity for deep empathy, and sensitivity to timing.\u201d3 <\/sup>This point was emphasized because leading in the 21st<\/sup> century involves leading into uncertainty at times. Leading into uncertainty really spoke to me. And this is why?<\/p>\n

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As the Founder\/Executive Director of Restore Counseling Center, we are in our third-year planning to raise funds for a building project that will enable us to mentor counselors and multiply our counseling center to various parts of the globe. But as I read chapter six, I had to do some serious internal thinking. Beerel wisely wrote, \u201cResearch tells us that in general, people are unaware of how they make their decisions and why they prefer one alternative over others.\u201d4 <\/sup>As soon as I read this I thought, \u201cOk, what is our decision process as we move forward to build a facility or renovate a home or facility?\u201d At this time, we do not have one. Ouch! Fortunately, we have about 40 days to decide because at our next board meeting, we will begin to process our options.<\/p>\n

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\u201cMany people struggle to articulate the path they took to arrive at a conclusion.\u201d5 <\/sup>Once again, I\u2019m processing her words and wrestling with them. And then she really hit home, \u201cWe tend to react to a situation-make judgments influenced by our emotions \u2013 and then reason or rationalize after the fact as to why that judgment was the correct one. Our emotional reactions precede our judgment without us being cognitively aware of the influences they have.\u201d6 <\/sup>Last year in this program I learned of my and everyone\u2019s propensity for unconscious biases. I wonder if we reason or rationalize after the fact, because of our shadow self. Scarlett Kent said in her book, Shadow Work Journal and Workbook<\/em>, \u201cthe most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.\u201d7 <\/sup>This means helping me and Chairman of the Board to help the board of Directors to understand we all have a shadow self, and we all bring things to the table we are unaware of. It\u2019s okay to be terrified of all the things that make us who we are. It\u2019s also those things that will help us to help our community, county, state, and world to heal.<\/p>\n

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Based upon this week\u2019s reading here is my plan:<\/p>\n

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  1. Since the conversation is the relationship, keep building on my strong relationships with the Board of Directors through conversating about their personal, family, and work issues\/relationships.<\/li>\n
  2. Even though we are all excited about a new or renovated building, this could become a crisis because it is a new reality. \u201cThe most important task of leadership is identifying, framing, and aligning people to new realities.\u201d8 <\/sup>At this time I am not sure how I am going to go about this, but I will discuss this with my Chairman. Patty Beach says in her insightful book, The Art of Alignment<\/em>, \u201cThe bottom line is this: if you really want to lead, you just have to get good at aligning people.\u201d9 <\/sup>This is why I will spend time working at aligning our board to this new reality.<\/li>\n
  3. Together with my Chairman come up with a couple of decision-making processes and decide on one to present to the Board of Directors.<\/li>\n
  4. Try to keep the process simple.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

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    In closing, I have a question for my cohort. What would you add or subtract from my list and what other advice or suggestions would you offer? Thank you, you wise people.<\/p>\n

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      \n
    1. Susan Scott. Fierce Leadership: A Bold Alternative to the Worst \u201cBest\u201d Practices of Business Today. 15.<\/em><\/li>\n
    2. Susan Scott. Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation<\/em> at a Time. 5.<\/li>\n
    3. Annabel Beerel. Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories. 165.<\/em><\/li>\n
    4. Ibid. 135.<\/li>\n
    5. Ibid. 135.<\/li>\n
    6. Ibid. 135.<\/li>\n
    7. Scarlett Kent. Shadow Work Journal and Workbook. 27.<\/em><\/li>\n
    8. Annabel Beerel. Rethinking Leadership: A Critique of Contemporary Theories. 166.<\/em><\/li>\n
    9. Patty Beach. The Art of Alignment<\/em>. 39.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Drawing from nearly two decades of conversations with Fortune 500 executives, Susan Scott offers fresh and surprising alternatives to the \u201cbest practices\u201d wreaking havoc on today\u2019s businesses. In her book, Fierce Leadership, she states, \u201cOur careers, our companies, our personal relationships, and our very lives succeed or fail, gradually then suddenly-one conversation at a time.\u201d1 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":176,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2310],"tags":[3016,3025],"class_list":["post-35260","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-doctor-of-leadership-3","tag-beerel-dlgp02","tag-dlgp02-beerel","cohort-dlgp02"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35260","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/176"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35260"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35260\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":35263,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35260\/revisions\/35263"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35260"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35260"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}