{"id":34945,"date":"2024-01-17T07:54:37","date_gmt":"2024-01-17T15:54:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/?p=34945"},"modified":"2024-01-17T08:13:17","modified_gmt":"2024-01-17T16:13:17","slug":"listening-deeply-building-trust-flourishing-in-life-and-ministry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/listening-deeply-building-trust-flourishing-in-life-and-ministry\/","title":{"rendered":"Listening deeply. Building trust. Flourishing in life and ministry."},"content":{"rendered":"

The assignment to read Camacho’s book,\u00a0Mining for Gold,<\/em>\u00a0couldn\u2019t have come at a better time for me. <\/span><\/p>\n

After the feedback I received from the workshop last fall, as well as from both formal and informal conversations since then, I\u2019ve pivoted a bit from where I started.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m passionate about discipleship and disciple-making in churches since my life was transformed when one person invited me into a discipling relationship. That\u2019s what I thought my project would focus on.<\/span><\/p>\n

But it became clear that the churches that would benefit most from this sort of focus don\u2019t even have disciple-making on their radar. The key thing that keeps coming up instead? Pastor well-being (in other words, \u201cburnout\u201d). They can\u2019t even begin to think about facilitating a culture change toward disciple-making until and unless the leader(s) are living balanced, joyful, flourishing lives.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So I\u2019m shifting to exploring what coaching may be especially useful to pastors and other faith leaders so they can flourish in life and ministry. I love many of the coaching questions included in Comacho\u2019s book; I will definitely be using\/adapting many of them.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are many themes and ideas that stuck out for me in <\/span>Mining for Gold<\/span><\/i>, but for this blogpost, let me focus on just two: listening and trust.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m extremely fortunate to be taking a class for graduates of the Renovare Institute for Spiritual Formation (I graduated a year and a half ago) called, \u201cBeing a Listening Presence in Everyday Life\u201d. We\u2019re reading a book a month (\u201cmeditatively\u201d they suggest… in contrast to the book every 3 or 4 days for these classes! My husband thinks the dichotomy is very funny).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We recently read Nouwen\u2019s <\/span>Reaching Out<\/span><\/i> which talks about listening as a gift of hospitality. This month we\u2019re reading Anne Long\u2019s <\/span>Listening<\/span><\/i> and she writes (p. 35), \u201cListening is footwashing ministry, in the first place to do with attitudes rather than skills – availability, compassion, belief in people – knowing from our own experience what being heard can do for us\u2026 Three images that, for me, describe the ministry of listening are gift, hospitality, and healing.\u201d Listening well – deeply, as Comacho says – is a form of hospitality. But it\u2019s not just a welcoming gesture. It\u2019s an attitude, a spaciousness, a gift. How often do you feel really *listened to* in a deep, unhurried way? It\u2019s rare.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As I look ahead at my project, I note that listening is an absolutely critical element of coaching and spiritual direction (I\u2019m a director too). You have to know when to die to your own desires, and be present for someone else (the \u201ccross\u201d as Comacho also describes). That kind of intentional listening is hard to do\u2026 which is probably why it\u2019s so transformational for both listener and speaker.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I have developed and attached two acrostics that help me be a better listening presence. I keep them posted near my computer so I can revisit them as often as I need reminding!<\/span><\/p>\n

I would also like to discuss the concept of \u201ctrust\u201d because it keeps coming up in my various readings. It caught my eye when reading \u201cMining for Gold\u201d where Comacho states, \u201cTrust and integrity are the foundations of great leadership.\u201d You can\u2019t be an influential leader if those whom you are leading don\u2019t trust you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Timothy R. Jennings, MD, puts trust right in the middle of God\u2019s circle of love and trust in his book, <\/span>The God-shaped Brain<\/span><\/i>. He explains that \u201clies believed\u201d break that circle of love and trust, which results in fear and selfishness, which results in acts of sin, which results in \u201cdamage to mind, character, and body – a terminal condition\u201d (35-36). When Adam and Eve believed Satan\u2019s lies, they no longer trusted God. \u201cFrom a neuroscience perspective, their prefrontal cortexes, rather than flowing with perfect love, activated the fear center (amygdala), inciting anxiety, insecurity and the desire to protect the self\u2026 Their overactive, deregulated fear center further impaired their judgment, and they failed to think clearly and make healthy choices\u201d (36).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So the opposite of \u201ctrust\u201d is \u201cfear\u201d.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

With their bodies on high alert, they ignored God\u2019s track record of reliability and trustworthiness. They feared the consequences of their lies, so they couldn\u2019t think creatively or self-lessly. This is a great example of how important it is to be able to tell who is trustworthy\u2026 and who isn\u2019t, as well as how important it is to tell the truth.<\/span><\/p>\n

The authors of <\/span>Neuroscience of Leadership<\/span><\/i> confirm this when they write, \u201cIn order for a leader to inspire and motivate, he or she has to be trusted. Trust creates an environment in which threats are reduced, and thinking and creativity are liberated\u2026 Without trust, there is fear\u2026 The reasons for the importance of trust to human societies are likely to be rooted in our need of others in order to survive\u201d (14).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s the crux of the matter regarding trust: we <\/span>need<\/span><\/i> other people. We will stagnate without others. But it\u2019s easy to get hurt, so we must learn how to discern whom to trust. And we must be trustworthy ourselves. Lack of trust is a key factor leading to stress and anxiety, which are part of the burnout equation I\u2019m examining.<\/span><\/p>\n

In his book, <\/span>Trust<\/span><\/i>, Henry Cloud points out that we are wired for trust. Infants cry for food or to be changed, and over and over again, their needs are taken care of. \u201cTrust followed by satisfaction builds more trust. The care, comfort, and love the baby receives are gradually internalized. Neuroscience teaches us that these become actual living physical structures inside the infant\u2019s brain\u2026 And one day, as an adult, this same person, now grown up, will be able to \u2018self-regulate\u2019 his anger at a boss and keep his cool – all because a lifetime of trusting relationships produced an internalized self-soothing system\u201d (21).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Cloud adds, \u201cTrust is the fuel for all of life. Nothing in life works without it – especially relationships. We are wired biologically, neurologically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically to trust. Trust is the currency that drives everything. So we need to be good at it\u201d (4).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Are you good at trust? Do you easily trust another person? What are the conditions in which you are willing to trust someone? (Cloud has lots to say about that.)\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When we talk about coaching, there are several places where trust is required. First, between the coach and the coachee; trust must go in both directions. Second, between the coachee and the people in his or her context. You don\u2019t want to trust someone who isn\u2019t worthy of it, but trust is as necessary for a relationship to thrive as air is to a living thing.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, there must be trust between us and God. When we remember God\u2019s continual goodness, God\u2019s abiding presence, God\u2019s track record in our lives – and in the lives of others – for overall blessing, we can literally breathe into that experience, praying on the inhale, \u201cYou are my salvation\u201d and on the exhale, \u201cI will trust you and not be afraid\u201d (based on Isaiah12:2, as found in Jennifer Tucker\u2019s book, <\/span>Breath as Prayer<\/span><\/i>). I will use these breath prayers as a coach and director; they calm anxiety (neuroscientifically) and reconnect us to the God who loves us.<\/span><\/p>\n

References<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jennings, Timothy R. <\/span>The God-Shaped Brain: How Changing Your View of God Transforms Your Life<\/span><\/i>. Expanded edition. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2017.<\/span><\/p>\n

Long, Anne. <\/span>Listening<\/span><\/i>. Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd., 2017.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nouwen, Henri J. M. <\/span>Reaching out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life<\/span><\/i>. Garden City, N.Y: Image Books, 1986.<\/span><\/p>\n

Swart, Tara, Kitty Chisholm, and Paul Brown. <\/span>Neuroscience for Leadership: Harnessing the Brain Gain Advantage<\/span><\/i>. 1. publ. The Neuroscience of Business Series. Basingstoke: Palgrave Macmillan, 2015.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tucker, Jennifer, and Ann Voskamp. <\/span>Breath as Prayer: Calm Your Anxiety, Focus Your Mind, and Renew Your Soul<\/span><\/i>. Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, 2022.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> \"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The assignment to read Camacho’s book,\u00a0Mining for Gold,\u00a0couldn\u2019t have come at a better time for me. After the feedback I received from the workshop last fall, as well as from both formal and informal conversations since then, I\u2019ve pivoted a bit from where I started.\u00a0 I\u2019m passionate about discipleship and disciple-making in churches since my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":197,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1555,1574,2528],"class_list":["post-34945","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-camacho","tag-coaching","tag-coaching-leadership","cohort-dlgp03"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34945","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/197"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34945"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34945\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":34950,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34945\/revisions\/34950"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34945"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34945"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.georgefox.edu\/dlgp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34945"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}