\u201cProviding kingdom-seeking, God-honoring, biblically rooted influence<\/p>\n
requires that one has an ongoing, intimate interaction with God\u201d<\/p>\n
-Jules Glanzer-<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n The head of Badan Kependudukan Keluarga Berencana Nasional (translated: National Population and Family Planning Board) Indonesia, Dr. Hasto Hardoyo mentions in his statement that \u201cCurrently, the divorce (rate) is high because in many families the original family is a toxic person meeting a sane person, a sane person meeting a toxic person or a toxic person meeting a toxic person, eventually they keep fighting and a divorce occurs.\u201d[1]<\/a> Based on the government\u2019s data in 2021 in Indonesia \u201cthere were\u00a0 581 thousand divorced families, while the number of marriages in that year reached 1.9 million.\u201d[2]<\/a> Stephani Sarkis explains that toxic people used to \u201chave harmful behaviors that can have lasting impacts on those around them, often self-centered, manipulative, abusive, and lacking in empathy. They may be referred to as narcissistic, selfish, or sociopathic.\u00a0They may mask their negative traits by being charming or friendly.\u201d[3]<\/a><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Nowadays we see and hear about many toxic people and toxic relationships, including in marital relationships. According to my ministerial experiences, I encounter this phenomenon in counseling many husbands and wives who speak harmfully to their spouses and their children. Dr. Cortney Warren, a Harvard-trained psychologist mentions there are several toxic phrases in marital relationships. Some of them are: \u201cYou don\u2019t deserve me; I hate you; you are a bad parent.\u201d[4]<\/a> Toxic communication, such as having a lack of hearing capabilities and speaking using toxic words will threaten marital relationships.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Glanzer\u2019s book, The Sound of Leadership, leads us to build good leadership in many contexts. However, this book also helps us to establish a supportive marriage because it has bunches of guidance to be competent and positive leaders and persons. Glanzer’s most inspiring view regarding the above is when he mentioned the importance of an attitude that always seeks God as the most important thing. He emphasized how important it is to have an attitude that is willing to hear and see, which he interprets as an attitude that wants to discern God’s will. He writes, \u201cMore important than listening to the people is listening to the voice of God. God’s call to leadership and guidance along the way is one of the foundational tones to God-honoring, kingdom-seeking, biblically rooted leadership.\u201d[5]<\/a> Not only listened to God’s voice, but he also emphasized the importance of seeing as God sees. He writes, \u201cCarefully observe the various aspects of the situation and attempt to see the situation the way God sees it. Observing the who, what, when, where, and why of a situation provides the leader with a healthy view of the perceived reality.\u201d[6]<\/a> As we believe in our faith, the Bible teaches that God is love, so with someone, whether she or he is a leader, or she or he is a husband or wife, they will be guided by the Holy Spirit to hear and see with the perspective of love that comes from God.<\/p>\n In this era filled with advances in digital technology, many leaders, as well as many husbands or wives, are confused about how to build constructive and loving communication. Digital technology, the internet, and social media present many voices who claim to have the authority of their truth. If a person is not aware of this, then all the information he receives will just enter him so that what he says, does, and decides is greatly influenced by these voices. This likely is one of the main causes of many leaders, husbands, and wives taking wrong actions and decisions because what they hear is not God’s voice first, what they see is not God’s perspective in viewing and analyzing situations and conditions. Glanzer warns us regarding this issue. He says, \u201cMost leaders will confess that decision-making is stressful when\u00a0multiple voices are clamoring for your attention and often\u00a0demanding compliance with their view.\u201d[7]<\/a> Glanzer proposes enlightening reflective questions to us regarding this issue, \u201cWhen many voices are clamoring for your attention, how do you\u00a0determine which voice to listen to? What questions do you ask to\u00a0demonstrate you are genuinely seeking to hear and understand\u00a0their concerns?\u201d[8]<\/a> That is why nowadays we hear a lot of authoritarian leaders or harsh husbands and wives. They do not want to listen to each other. They only want to be heard and followed.<\/p>\n This book helped me in forming my leadership competencies in my ministry, as well as in carrying out my role as a husband and father in the family. Therefore, while reading this book, the first thing that came to my mind was how to relate it to my NPO which discusses marital enrichment in Christian families in my ministry context. This book teaches about primary integrity in carrying out leadership that wants to listen and see as Christ listens and sees. This noble character is humility. According to Glanzer, \u201cHumility is an attitude that demonstrates an inner quality of self-confidence with an outward expression of worthiness. Humble people think more of others than of themselves, accept responsibility rather than assessing blame, and refrain from boasting about their accomplishments.\u201d[9]<\/a> Glanzer\u2019s book helped us to listen to the sound of the gospel that Christ delivered to us. It helped us to be aware of the tendency to be a toxic person and helped us to avoid the potential of the emergence of toxic relationships in the church and family. Therefore, Christ-like leadership is a basic need to enhance our leadership and relationship quality, as the Bible says in James 1:19, “\u00a0<\/sup>My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”<\/p>\n [1]<\/a> https:\/\/www.bkkbn.go.id\/berita-kepala-bkkbn-penyebab-banyaknya-perceraian-karena-toxic-people<\/a>. Accessed on November 1, 2023.<\/p>\n [2]<\/a> https:\/\/www.bkkbn.go.id\/berita-kepala-bkkbn-penyebab-banyaknya-perceraian-karena-toxic-people<\/a>. Accessed on November 1, 2023.<\/p>\n [3]<\/a> https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/here-there-and-everywhere\/202306\/why-toxic-people-are-so-harmful<\/a>. Accessed on November 1, 2023.<\/p>\n [4]<\/a> https:\/\/www.cnbc.com\/2023\/02\/13\/harvard-trained-psychologist-toxic-phrases-that-can-slowly-destroy-your-relationship-or-marriage.html<\/a>. Accessed on November 1, 2023.<\/p>\n [5]<\/a> Jules Glanzer,\u00a0The Sound of Leadership: Kingdom Notes to Fine Tune Your Life and Influence<\/em>\u00a0(Plano, TX: Invite Press, 2023), Scribd Version, page 39 of 230.<\/p>\n [6]<\/a> Jules Glanzer,\u00a0The Sound of Leadership.<\/em><\/p>\n [7]<\/a> Jules Glanzer,\u00a0The Sound of Leadership<\/em>, page 56 of 230.<\/p>\n [8]<\/a> Jules Glanzer,\u00a0The Sound of Leadership<\/em>, page 63 of 230.<\/p>\n